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It does not bother me at all for someone to say "I'll pray for you.". Actually I prefer "You'll be in my prayers (or thoughts)." but it is the thought that someone cared enough to express that they wished me the best is what matters to me, not the exact words. I don't see it as 'preaching' to me, but trying in their way to do what they can for me.


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I agree with VickiSam that it's a very normal, human reaction to ask, "Why would God let this happen to me?" and maybe not want to hear people talk about God and prayer when we're going through such difficult treatment. If you have cancer, and you're not angry and pi**ed off at least once in awhile -- then I say you're not doing it right!

But, when someone says to me, "I'll pray for you," I don't hear, "I assume you believe in God." What I hear is, "I'm sorry this is happening to you, and I don't know what to do to help you, so I'll do the only thing I can think of to do." Like Susan, I see it as their trying to do what they can for me, or at least express their concern in the way they know how.

I can understand your feelings. I am a religious person and I appreciate all prayers on my behalf. That being said, I can see how you would question the sincerety of the statement. As others have said I believe that it is an automatic response from people when they hear the news that someone has cancer. Perhaps the statement " I will pray for you" is a way for them to make themselves feel better about the situation instead of saying " that really sucks " and thinking to themselves I'm so glad it isn't me. I was at mass the other day and ran into two people who both said to me ;Are you okay? as if the only reason I go to church is when something catastrophic happens to me. So I get what you are saying. Love Surf

I am British and we are very personal about religion. Most people are not church goers there now after centuries of being steeped in it. When we came here I was warned about Bible Belt etc. plus to be invited to someone's church is a big compliment. I totally respect peoples personal beliefs and I am not a believer. Most are just being kind and reacting the way they always have. i never say to any one everything will be fine. With age and experience you know that is not appropriate and can give false hope. Some times people who don't want to talk about anything scary or real ugly life things just say it because it's the easiest way out of facing the situation (English expression) I sometimes just want to 'wring their necks'. A real friend is gently honest.

I often say, "prayers and hugs" without meaning anything profound. I am not sure what I believe, but I do believe religion is as private as underwear and I get squeamish when there is prosletyzing going on. My sign off is just a way to say I am sending good thoughts, positive vibrations - in short, love. I hope I haven't offended anyone.

I see this as someone saying they are hoping for the best for me. But I see prayer as a form of meditation personally. Yeah, when I am angry or have just strung together a pretty colorful sentence, the last thing I want to hear at that point is I will pray for you... then I get pi**ed as I dont need to be judged. I personally take it as a good thing from most people and try to assume they mean well and really do care.

But I had to learn this and it took time and it didn't happen for a long time because I was angry with just about anyone who "didn't get it" and most folks don't. No matter what you personally believe, I believe that most folks who say "I'll pray for you" are sincere about their perception of the power of prayers and so I simply learned to say "thank you". Usually ends the conversation.

I'm Ok if they tell me that BUT do wonder if they will pray.Some people are just saying that.I've prayed all my life.Don't always go to Church BUT most of the things I pray for happen for the good.My life was saved quite a few times and I was able to pray.I did have my Aunt tell me she prayed and I believed her.She prayed for everyone if she knew they had problems or were sick.

When people say: 'I will pray for you' or 'You're in my prayers' I interpret it as a kind sentiment and thank them. When people ask me to pray for them, I usually respond with 'You're in my thoughts' or 'I send you my best wishes'.

Last year we were in Jerusalem; my mom (Jewish) left a written prayer for me in the crevice of the Wailing Wall and my mother-in-law (Christian Orthodox) lit a candle in front of Jesus's tomb. It was a nice gesture on their part, even if I don't believe that it would have any effect on my wellbeing.

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