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RC: We're all ready for Shabbos. We've always gone to -- we've always been part of basically all the Orthodox temples, shuls in town. Right now there are two. One was a break-off. So we're part of both. My parents like going to one that's smaller and little older people. I like going to the bigger one that has more kids at it. But ever since I can remember we've gone to shul and I used to sit on my dad's lap and play with his tallis and braid it. And then I was bat mitzvahed of course, and my brothers were bar mitzvahed. And then we always did -- my dad would like to go to Friday night services, but we didn't want to go. Cold, we didn't want to walk. So we started doing services here, just as a family. So we do a Kabbalat Shabbat here, which is nice.

RC: Yeah, and then usually me and Eli have a friend over. So just do a little short half-hour Kabbalat Shabbat, singing, it's nice, it's fun. We always light candles. I've done that ever since I can remember, also. And we do the whole Kiddush, hamotzi, all of that. Actually, one thing that bothers me about Hamotzi is that my dad, he takes the bread first. I don't know, that's always bothered me. And then Saturday we get up and we go to shul, and we come home, very often we have a bunch of company over or we go to someone's house. And my mom makes a tremendous amount of food. We eat all of Shabbos. And then we make Havdala. And all the holidays have always been big. We still do stuff for Hanukkah, make latkes tonight, and getting out our menorahs and everything. So that's always been something, and also since I went to a private school that wasn't Jewish, there was always something. Like kids were always asking questions. Or, like, when you have those birthdays, I would always bring my own doughnuts or cupcakes or whatever and keep them in the freezer at school because I wouldn't eat their stuff because of Kashrut.

RC: Because of my brother. But definitely there's always discussion. Eli wants to make aliyah now. My mom wants to go to Israel for a year and work with Ethiopian immigrants. There's always discussion of Israel. I've been there probably five or six times in the past just like three years.

RC: No, I think there was 11 or 17 of us that went. And we go with a program called N'siah. It's based in Israel. And we're with Israeli students who are there. And first we hiked through the Negev for two weeks, which was my favorite place in the entire world. And actually before we went to Israel we went to Poland and saw the concentration camps and everything and then we went to Prague for a weekend, cooled off there a little bit. And then we went to Israel. So that was really powerful especially because my grandmother on my mom's side, to see all that, and then to go to Israel right after seeing all that was amazing. And some of the group, there was probably like 30 of us that went to the Poland part, and then a bunch of people came back home and didn't go to Israel, and they had a much harder time dealing with everything they had seen in Poland, because when you go to Israel afterwards and you see that the Jews are still thriving and they're doing great, and it's very calming. When we just arrived there everyone just felt so much more settled about what we had seen.

RC: Right. I'd say when I was younger, very young, I was more religious. And then -- I don't really think it was private school so much, it was more my parents were pressuring me and my brothers so much to be more religious that he really rebelled the most, he was older than me, and he went completely opposite, like he would go out and eat cheeseburgers and come back and be like, I had the best cheeseburger, just to make them upset. So he took it all the way to the extreme. Then that definitely caused me to be like, Why am I doing this stuff, why do I have to keep kosher? So I went through a period of that. And then in high school, since New Jew is pluralistic -- I didn't really know about the Orthodox movements or the Reform or Reconstructionist, because my parents always tried to keep us within the Orthodox. So I learned a lot more about that and I guess now I would identify more as Conservative because I have trouble identifying as Orthodox, just because of all the women suppression I guess, repression, not really sure what the word is, but just they don't really count in a minyan, and they're not supposed to make Kiddush, and they can't lead the mezumin, things like that. So because of those issues I can't identify as Orthodox. And how in shul they have to sit in the back and sit behind things. And just all those things really bother me. And then going to Israel, you know, and a lot of people in Israel aren't Orthodox also. So that made me think that the Jews who are living in Israel aren't -- obviously there's a reason for that. So I think that I would identify now as Conservative and I don't really ever see myself identifying as Orthodox just because of those roles --

RC: Oh really? That's funny. So she's always doing projects and things like that. And they've just always -- if you see someone who isn't as wealthy, they'll always talk to me about it. They've always been very vocal and talked about other countries and what's wrong there and they'll cut out articles and read them to us, and about what needs to change in this country and that country and America. And my grandparents too have always encouraged us to give charity and to volunteer. My mom really wants me to go to Israel and volunteer over the summer or something. So I might do that one summer.

RC: OK, certainly my parents, just because I grew up with them and they had very strong values and morals of how you treat people on the small level in your community and also nationally how you treat people, internationally. But definitely I think there are a few teachers that were role models at New Jew. Actually my favorite teacher Mr. Grossman, he left unfortunately. But he was certainly one of my role models. He came from a family like mine, became Conservative for similar reasons, some other reasons too, but for similar ones. We would just have great conversations. So he was certainly a role model. There were a couple of teachers at New Jew that were like that. Since it was a small school, you had a very close relationship with your teachers. I'd also say probably at camp, some of my counselors were. I started going so young. You always look up to your counselors anyway, and they were always young Jewish girls. So they were certainly role models too.

RC: OK. I guess it all goes back to eighth grade. I started dating a boy. I dated him eighth grade through the end of 12th grade, so five years. And in eighth grade he was fine. We went to school together and things were pretty good. We were really, really young. And then when high school came he stayed at the school and went to the Carroll School through high school, and I left and went to New Jew. And that's when I started noticing problems because he didn't want me to make new friends, he didn't want me to talk to the boys. All those issues started coming up. He wanted me to spend all my time with him. Then in tenth grade things progressed some more and he stopped letting me take the bus to school, because there are boys on the bus. So he would pick me up at school and pick me up at my house and drive me basically every day. And he started also doing my clothing shopping because he didn't want me wearing revealing clothing or clothing that anyone else would like. So I had clothing at his house in his room that I was allowed to wear when I was dressed with him, like my normal clothing, and then I had my whole other wardrobe of what he wanted me to wear, like, to school. So that became an issue and as time went on he isolated me more and more from my friends, from my family. He got me a cell phone, and at first it was really sweet. He wanted to be able to talk to me. And it became just like a leash, like I had to call him on the hour. If I didn't pick up it was a huge fight. I would have to leave class in the middle. I had to call him multiple times a day so I'd have to leave class and call him and just be like, Hi I'm at school, OK bye, have a good day. And just always had to be checking in with him. And I really stopped doing anything with friends. He made me stop participating in the school plays -- which I had been acting since third grade -- because it was taking up too much time and he didn't like that I was backstage with other boys. So this just went on and on and on. The calling, and he would get very angry, we would get into fights about if I was ten minutes late coming from somewhere, anything. He never became physically violent towards me but he became very physically intimidating towards me, like we'd get in fights and he'd punch holes in the wall right behind my head so it wasn't punching me but it was like, Take one more step and it'll be you. So he used definitely physical intimidation a lot and the main thing was starting in 11th grade probably, whenever I threatened to break up with him he would threaten suicide. So basically the second half of 11th grade and first half of 12th grade, every other night I'd be driving down to where he lived because his house -- it's like his house, his yard, and then there's train tracks. So he would call me up and be sitting on the train tracks and he'd say, Unless you come down here I'm waiting for the next train. So basically every night I would break up with him, tell him I didn't want to talk to him anymore, and then an hour later end up down in his town. So he had this great little cycle that he got me into of I was just too afraid that he was really going to do it. And then senior year I was always in peer leaders during high school, so we arranged different -- you had drug awareness week, alcohol, we had AIDS, we had all different weeks. And I knew that I was in a bad relationship but my friends, I only had probably like three or four best friends who were still even trying to hang out with me because I never could go out, and the few times I did he would go with me, and we would just be fighting and no one could talk to me, if a guy looked at me he would go off on them. And so I really just had a couple friends that I'd known my whole life who were sticking by me. And I'd come into school every morning crying half asleep because I had spent the night in his town talking to him, trying to get him off the train tracks. And so they'd always be like the bad times outweigh the good times, you need to break up with him. And so I'd always be trying, but I never could follow through because of his suicide threats. So finally in 12th grade I brought up to the peer leaders that we should do teen dating violence awareness. And I knew that there was some other stuff going on in school that I had seen, that weren't good relationships either. So we started educating ourselves and that's when we called the Support Committee for Battered Women, which is now known as REACH. They just changed their name. And they came in and they trained the 20 of us as peer leaders on warning signs and the resources and what to do, how to help a friend, how to make an awareness week, everything like that. And during the training just everything, all the warning signs, isolation, jealousy, possessiveness, all the things were just oh that's me, that's me too, oh that's me too, wait, that's also me. So then senior year that's why I decided to do my internship with them. I wanted to go and work with them and learn more about it and kind of figure out what was going on, and since I've always helped people I thought that that would help me, too, to help them. So we ended up, peer leaders made a whole awareness week at school. We had statistics up, posters, we brought the Support Committee in. They did some discussion groups. They did a dating game which was supposed to show you dangers and things like that. That's just set up as a game so it's more interactive. And we got actually a pretty good response from the school. A lot of kids that you didn't think, because they're in Jewish school and everything, and no one thinks it happens there, but talking about it, bringing us questions. We made a little question box. You could drop them off anonymously and we'd answer them either through the school publications or just have -- we had Bet Midrash every Wednesday. So people made announcements or there was little discussion groups. So we would answer people's questions like that. Just is this right, I don't know if this is right, it sounds like what you were talking about, things like that. So I went to the Support Committee, or REACH, I still call it that. I started working with them. I went through the 100-hour training program that they have so that I could start working in their shelter. The Support Committee has a 90-day emergency shelter. It has a 24-hour hot line. And then it has the outreach part of it and has all the office stuff too separate from the shelter. So first I started working in the office and I shadowed a couple people who were doing outreach. So we would go into schools, into camps, boys and girls clubs, anything like that, and do presentations to them about -- basically what they had come and done for me at peer leaders, about the dangers, the warning signs, what to do, all that. And just in every presentation I would leave and just cry to the people that I worked with, because I'd be giving examples. I'd be like, Well let's say this could be an example of jealousy. And then I would be giving a real example from me and it was just ringing way too clearly for me, keep presenting like that. And my coworkers recognized right away that I was in a bad relationship because my cell phone at work would be ringing every ten minutes. They're like, Who's that? I'm like, My boyfriend. Who's that? My boyfriend. So they'd figured it out within the first week. I was talking to them about it and talking about how I could get out of it. So I promised myself basically that I wasn't going to let myself continue to pretend that I knew what to do and everything and tell all these people what to do, and I was still in this relationship. So, but while I was there it bothered me that we never went into any shuls. We would go into churches, we would talk to the clergy members. We never went and talked to the rabbis. We never went and talked to the Jewish schools. We never went and talked to anything like that. So I started a huge outreach, I guess, to the Jewish community and I contacted all 50 synagogues in our service area sending them letters, sending them pamphlets, sending them resources, sending them posters, sending them more letters, calling them, just harassing them basically like, Listen, there's a problem. And I was so upset at the responses I got. Almost all of them the rabbis were like, It's not a problem here, it's not a problem here, thank you, it's nice that you're doing that but it's not a problem here, we'll call you if something comes up, thank you. And basically probably 47 out of the 50, that was the response. 006ab0faaa