December 24

Holiday Tradition

By Ally Chao

From flames to dust and back again. For centuries, the phoenix has been a symbol of rebirth. The immortal bird born from its own ashes burns stronger and brighter each time that it rises.

To most people, the new year symbolizes an end and a beginning. A time to forgive and forget the troubles of the past year. A time to start over.

For as long as I can remember, my family has had the tradition of sitting around the fire on December 31st. It’s not just any fire, though. Our fire is made of three pieces of firewood—one for Mom, one for Dad, one for me. And every New Year’s Eve after dinner, we take a marker and write down every one of our fears, our regrets, our griefs and our troubles from the past year on our logs.

“I’m sorry I had that fight with my best friend.”

“I’ve been searching for a job for months now, and the uncertainty of the future keeps me up at night.”

“I wish I’d spent more time studying for my math final.”

“I should have stopped to think before I said what I did.”

“I miss Grandpa every day.”

“I wonder if I’m being the best parent that I can be.”

“I feel so lost all the time and sometimes I just don’t feel like myself at all.”

To me, it’s like every negative feeling I’ve accumulated over the past year is drawn from the depths of my heart to the surface. From there, it flows out through my fingers and through the marker in my hand until I’m light as a feather and my burdens are nothing but scrawled words on oak wood.

Dad holds the lighter to the wood, and together, we watch the small ember grow and consume our handiwork. The heat of the soft orange glow drives away the lingering shadows in my heart, and for a moment, nothing exists but us three and the crackling of wood as our darkness is slowly burned away.

By the time the clock strikes midnight, the logs are black and our words are nothing but ash and dust in the fireplace. And from it, we begin anew.