What are your initial thoughts when you think about vulnerability? Many of us might associate vulnerability with feelings of fear, uncertainty or shame. We may have been taught not to allow ourselves to appear vulnerable (especially men in our society). With vulnerability comes the possibility of rejection or failure, which can be scary. Because of this, we may try to avoid being vulnerable as much as we can. While being vulnerable is often thought of as a sign of weakness, it is actually a deeply important part of the human experience.
Even though it can be uncomfortable, Brenà explains how vulnerability is also the birthplace for joy, creativity, authenticity, and love. With vulnerability, we can let our guards down and be seen for who we truly are. The truth about vulnerability is that is not a weakness; it is a strength. Here are just a few of many benefits of embracing vulnerability:
Each time I unbuckled the armor and exposed my raw, tender skin to what I thought vulnerability looked like, it was only a matter of time before I was left broken hearted, disappointed, or worse yet, full of shame and self-hate.
I always thought it was my strength and determination that inspired people. However, what I have learned over the last five years is that those qualities in fact intimidated and kept people at a distance.
During this year of significant change and transition, I am proud to say that I have not put the armor back on. Being open to my vulnerability has allowed me to connect with people on a new level and embrace life lessons I definitely would not have learned previously.
If we look closer at why vulnerability is a challenge for men, the cause seems to be rooted in fear. This fear manifests in a number of ways: fear of being hurt, harmed, or ridiculed to name a few. Although vulnerability in one sense can evoke the feeling of leaving oneself open to attack, in reality, it can actually be the key to mental fortitude and strength. When we let down our walls, even just a little bit, we open ourselves to experiencing a wider range of emotions and experiences, individually and collectively. Being vulnerable can help us to better know ourselves, while cultivating and strengthening our relationships with others. It can also help us better understand our opportunities for growth, enhance our self-awareness, and flex our emotional intelligence muscles.
2. Check out a wellness wheel, like the one here. It can help to dig a little deeper into what parts of ourselves we may be neglecting and how we can better nurture those areas of our lives. Need help putting your feelings into words? You can also practice speaking your truth using emotions and examples from The Feelings Wheel. If you feel up to it, both of these explorations could be used to dive deeper into vulnerability through journaling!
3. Consider speaking with a trusted loved one, behavioral health coach, or therapist to get started with practicing and flexing your vulnerability muscles. Like any learned skill, this can be challenging at first, but gets easier over time as you practice.
There is no conversation about vulnerability without citing the work of Dr. Brenà Brown and her talks and books about the power of vulnerability and the courage to break our vulnerability armor and embrace the entire palette of our emotions.
A frozen nervous system, the inability to speak, and tense muscles are all physical manifestations of vulnerability. How can something that may interrupt our daily life be the path to leading a life of courage and emotional plenitude? How can vulnerability lead to a meaningful connection with people in our lives? How can vulnerability add balance to our mental health and allow us to get to know ourselves and bring light to our true needs?
When you embrace your vulnerability, you allow yourself to invite only the people you want in your life. You give yourself permission to make the best decisions for yourself and your family and simply remove yourself from situations you are not comfortable with. You are empowered to set healthy boundaries and rearrange your priorities to better reflect your needs.
Vulnerability gives us access to profound insights about ourselves. These transformative insights help us build self-esteem, combat anxiety and depression, reduce stress, and live fuller lives. Leading a meaningful life and having profound connections with other people can improve both our physical and mental health. Take the time to acknowledge your emotions without judgment, look for value in your life and relationships, and practice vulnerability every day.
She has dedicated her life to understanding the most vulnerable core that lies inside each human being. She has discovered that vulnerability is a powerful human emotion that is the birthplace of innovation and creativity.
Vulnerability is often inaccurately equated with weakness. Many individuals, not wanting to appear "weak," spend their lives avoiding and protecting themselves from feeling vulnerable or being perceived as too emotional. That fear and discomfort become judgment and criticism. However, vulnerability is not weakness. Vulnerability is the core of emotions and feelings. If we prevent ourselves from being vulnerable, we foreclose on experiencing our emotions. Our attempts to prevent shame, embarrassment, and sadness also prevent us from experiencing love, belonging, joy, and empathy.
If we confuse feelings with a sense of failing and view emotions as liabilities, then vulnerability does appear to be a weakness. However, vulnerability is the opposite. It is about uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.
Vulnerability is uncomfortable, but taking risks, accepting responsibility, being honest, expressing empathy, and facing uncertainty are not weaknesses. Vulnerability is the about acknowledging truth and showing courage. We often respond with awe when we see others be raw and vulnerable. However, we are afraid that what we have to offer isn't good enough, perfect enough, or valuable enough. Ask yourself the following questions, or ask someone with whom you are close, to examine your relationship with vulnerability.
If we convince ourselves that we "don't do vulnerability", we end up engaging in behaviors that are inconsistent with who we want to be. We don't choose to be vulnerable. We choose how we respond when we are confronted with uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.
Also, vulnerability isn't about saying whatever we want and oversharing indiscriminately. Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them. Being vulnerable and open is mutual and integral in the process of building trust in relationships. You build relationships with others and increase vulnerability by choosing to share. People demonstrate they are trustworthy by keeping your secrets, telling you their secrets, paying attentions to details of your life, asking you how you are doing, or whatever else demonstrates that they deserve your vulnerability. There is no way to predict whether or not someone will respond positively to you, until you face the fear and uncertainty of being emotionally vulnerable. You won't truly know how someone will respond to a boundary, an assertive request, or an emotional disclosure until you take that risk.
Vulnerability and leadership; a topic that continues to trend. When you ask someone what they see as the core strengths a leader needs to have today, it is common to hear words such as; vision, integrity, confidence, strategic planning, excellent communicator, delegates, trustworthiness, and courage. All are appearing in a Google search this morning.
However, there is one leadership attribute that I believe is missing from the above list and many others that I found when researching this article. That quality is: vulnerability and this post will discuss why vulnerability is a leadership strength and not a weakness.
If we are honest with ourselves, we all have moments when we feel vulnerable whether it is sharing a few home truths with a close friend or family member or doing a presentation to senior management for the first time when presentation skills are not your strength.
Imagine how empty our skies would be if birds did not accept that they must migrate for food or breeding in the winter. Imagine if they did not acknowledge their vulnerability and just allowed themselves to starve.
Role modelling vulnerability as a leader is an incredibly powerful thing. It embodies high levels of emotional intelligence which will build strong bonds between yourself and your team, which then will translate from person to person.
Early on in my career, I had a certain understanding about how to be a successful woman in the business world. Showing vulnerability and emotion was a weakness. I imagined the men in the group rolling their eyes at each other, saying, "This is what happens when you put women in leadership." Not until I was leading a company did those beliefs change.
Rather than weakness, I learned showing vulnerability implies courage. Keeping our distance with professional composure is comfortable; emotional display comes with uncertainty and risk. Everyone has emotions, and fully feeling and labeling them without judgment is part of the process of regulating them. When we ignore feelings of anger, grief or sadness, they can come back even more strongly, affecting our ability to make balanced decisions. My experience as a leader taught me that being vulnerable enough to share them is better for the team.
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