So yeah, uh. Turns out today was April 4th, aka your 13th orbit around the sun since your arrival- blah blah blah you've heard it all before. Happy birthday bitch, heres a cake. 

But that gift DAVE got you? Oh man, you love that guy. He's only your best friend, you feel so happy around him and only HE could supply you with the sickest gift known to man.

>>> Eject the RED BOX.