Summary:

Good relationships don’t just happen. I’ve heard many of my clients state that, “If I have to work at it, then it’s not the right relationship.” This is not a true statement, any more than it’s true...

Good relationships don’t just happen. I’ve heard many of my clients state that, “If I have to work at it, then it’s not the right relationship.” This is not a true statement, any more than it’s true that you don’t have to work at good physical health through exercise, eating well, and stress reduction.

I’ve discovered, in the 35 years that I’ve been counseling couples, 7 choices you can make that will not only improve your relationship, but can turn a failing relationship into a successful one.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF

This is the most important choice you can make to improve your relationship. This means that you learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings and needs. This means that instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy and secure, you learn how to do this for yourself through your own thoughts and actions. This means learning to treat yourself with kindness, caring, compassion, and acceptance instead of self-judgment. Self-judgment will always make you feel unhappy and insecure, no matter how wonderfully your partner is treating you.

For example, instead of getting angry at your partner for your feelings of abandonment when he or she is late, preoccupied and not listening to you, not turned on sexually, and so on, you would explore your own feelings of abandonment and discover how you might be abandoning yourself.

When you learn how to take full, 100% responsibility for yourself, then you stop blaming your partner for your upsets. Since blaming one’s partner for one’s own unhappiness is the number one cause of relationship problems, learning how to take loving care of yourself is vital to a good relationship.

KINDNESS, COMPASSION, ACCEPTANCE

Treat others the way you want to be treated. This is the essence of a truly spiritual life. We all yearn to be treated lovingly – with kindness, compassion, understanding, and acceptance. We need to treat ourselves this way, and we need to treat our partner and others this way. Relationships flourish when both people treat each other with kindness. While there are no guarantees, often treating another with kindness brings kindness in return. If your partner is consistently angry, judgmental, uncaring and unkind, then you need to focus on what would be loving to yourself rather than reverting to anger, blame, judgment, withdrawal, resistance, or compliance. Kindness to others does not mean sacrificing yourself. Always remember that taking responsibility for yourself rather than blaming others is the most important thing you can do. If you are consistently kind to yourself and your partner, and your partner is consistently angry, blaming, withdrawn and unavailable, then you either have to accept a distant relationship, or you need to leave the relationship. You cannot make your partner change – you can only change yourself.

LEARNING INSTEAD OF CONTROLLING

When conflict occurs, you always have two choices regarding how to handle the conflict: you can open to learning about yourself and your partner and discover the deeper issues of the conflict, or you can try to win, or at least not lose, through some form of controlling behavior. We’ve all learning many overt and subtle ways of trying to control others into behaving the way we want: anger, blame, judgment, niceness, compliance, caretaking, resistance, withdrawal of love, explaining, teaching, defending, lying, denying, and so on. All the ways we try to control create even more conflict. Remembering to learn instead of control is a vital part of improving your relationship.

For example, most people have two major fears that become activated in relationships: the fear of abandonment – of losing the other - and the fear of engulfment – of losing oneself. When these fears get activated, most people immediately protect themselves against these fears with their controlling behavior. But if you chose to learn about your fears instead of attempt to control your partner, your fear would eventually heal. This is how we grow emotionally and spiritually – by learning instead of controlling.

CREATE DATE TIMES

When people first fall in love, they make time for each other. Then, especially after getting married, they get busy. Relationships need time to thrive. It is vitally important to set aside specific times to be together – to talk, play, make love. Intimacy cannot be maintained without time together.

GRATITUDE INSTEAD OF COMPLAINTS

Positive energy flows between two people when there is an “attitude of gratitude.” Constant complaints creates a heavy, negative energy, which is not fun to be around. Practice being grateful for what you have rather than focusing on what you don’t have. Complaints create stress, while gratitude creates inner peace, so gratitude creates not only emotional and relationship health, but physical health as well.

FUN AND PLAY

We all know that “work without play makes Jack a dull boy.” Work without play makes for dull relationships as well. Relationships flourish when people laugh together, play together, and when humor is a part of everyday life. Stop taking everything so seriously and learn to see the funny side of life. Intimacy flourishes when there is lightness of being, not when everything is heavy.

SERVICE

A wonderful way of creating intimacy is to do service projects together. Giving to others fills the heart and creates deep satisfaction in the soul. Doing service moves you out of yourself and your own problems and supports a broader, more spiritual view of life.

If you and your partner agree to these 7 choices, you will be amazed at the improvement in your relationship!

relationships, trust, bonding, love, marriage, marriage counseling

Summary:

World over in February young couples celebrate Valentines Day with laughter and promises of undying love. The celebration knows no barriers and whether 4 or 80 years old, people with hope treasure the phrase “Will you be my Valentine.”

World over in February young couples celebrate Valentines Day with laughter and promises of undying love. The celebration knows no barriers and whether 4 or 80 years old, people with hope treasure the phrase “Will you be my Valentine.”

Mid- Feb heralded in ancient Rome, the coming of spring and even in pre-Christian times people celebrated a “fertility” festival with great joy. Much later the festival celebrated on Feb 14th was in honor of St. Valentine who is believed to have signed a letter to his beloved on his death bed as “from your Valentine.”

Red hearts, beautifully wrapped chocolates, balloon bouquets, and so on flood the markets and most young men are in a quandary as to what will make a “memorable gift.”

Here are a few ideas to set your creativity rolling:

1. Abandon all ideas of dinner in a crowded restaurant where couples will be jostling for space. Plan a special “time for two” either on a patio over looking a garden or on a boat sailing down a moonlit river or sea. Choose to pack a picnic basket with foods that triggers off memories. For example perhaps the two of you had enjoyed chocolate donuts one day, or a pizza with toppings both love, or a cookie specially baked by you. Take along music or compose a song to sing to her. Serenade her like knights used to on bent knee.

2. If you have gathered many pictures or video clips of your time together then put together an album with specially written captions and a witty heading. You could even say “this gamine grimace enchanted me,” be original and let your imagination and sense of humor take wing.

3. If you are going to be away on Valentines Day meet online for a special chat. Make it a cyber date—the World Wide Web will close up the distances.

4. Avoid the run of the mill activities and plan to go to an amusement park or fair. Have a rollicking time on the roller coaster.

5. If you know of a movie she has been dying to see –get it and plan an evening enjoying the film.

6. If she loves gizmos get her a digital camera or video phone.

7. Don your apron and chef’s hat and cook a special meal.

8. Pamper her by gifting her a session at a spa she loves.

9. Plan a weekend get-away and take her somewhere special.

10. Pot a special plant for her. One that will grow and bloom along with your relationship.

Valentines Day is special so consider something unique. Most people will not have the spirit of adventure in them and try something different. They feel safer going with the crowd and presenting their love with cards, red balloons, hearts cut out of red paper or fabric, Godiva’s chocolates, or a dinner in a favorite restaurant. Dare to be different and you will be remembered.

Online Shopping, shopping deals, finding coupons, shopping discounts, price comparison

Summary:

This article is about relationships and how to make them last. Both parties should work at a relationship. I hope you find my most recent article about relationships both interesting and helpful.

What's the key to a successful relationship? Some might think that's the million dollar question. Sometimes it's just the simple things, that we easily forget or think are unimportant that hold the key to a healthy and happy relationship.

Read through the helpful tips below on how to make your relationship go the distance.

1. Without quality time together, your relationship will not survive. Aim to devote at least half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when the two of you spend time exclusively together.

2. You both want to feel secure within the relationship. A good relationship is built on compromise and a lot of give and take from both of you.

3. Often those little things that first attracted you to your partner can turn into nasty annoying habits. Learn to love your partner warts and all. Don't try to change them into something they're not, after all you fell in love with them just the way they were.

4. Money is one of the top conflicts between most couples. For the relationship to work, you need to address your finances and maybe even work out a budget.

5. Learn to argue well. Never say something to your partner that you wouldn't want to hear said back. Just remember, the one good thing they say about arguing, is the making up afterwards.

6. Communication is vital to all healthy relationships. Listen to your partner and avoid blame and judgement. Don't let your emotions dictate your behaviour. Remember just talking things over can help you to both have a deeper understanding of each other.

7. Sort out your sex life, it may start to go downhill over the years, don't just accept it. As soon as you notice it, address it with your partner and work out why, and what to do to bring back the passion. Maybe one of your prefers more sex than the other. Why not experiment with new ideas in the bedroom. Role play, dressing up, or maybe take your sex life out of the bedroom and try new places. The introduction of marital aids into the relationship can also help to spice things up. Whatever you decide, remember communication is vital.

8. Try to keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell your partner how much you need them, but don't get to dependent on them and cling to them all the time, as that can make your partner feel trapped. On the flip side of this, don't allow your partner to think you don't need them, by going or doing things without them. Try to keep a happy and healthy balance between the two.

9.Learn to forgive. If you know you will never forgive your partner over something important, and feel the trust can never be regained then give yourself, and him a break and start again, with someone new.

10. Don't ever think that going to counselling is a sign of a failed relationship. It can turn a bad relationship around and can also turn an average relationship into an excellent one. More and more people are turning to counselling today than ever, it shows you are both prepared to try and make things better, which can't be a bad thing at all.

The fact remains, that whether you're dating or married, relationships are hard. It takes 100% commitment from both of you. However, healthy and long-lasting relationships are achievable and many couples have proven just that. Not everything is always going to be perfect but if you both choose to make it work then it can. And remember it's the little things that you sometimes do that can go a long way to making your relationship work.

Relationships, Partners, Social Matters, Relate

Summary:

Not everyone can afford to spend big money on romance ever time, but a bit of creativity can get the same results without breaking the bank.

Just about everyone agrees that a nice dinner and a good bottle of wine at a quiet, intimate restaurant will set the mood for romance, but have you seen the price tag? Not everyone can afford to spend big money on romance ever time, but a bit of creativity can get the same results without breaking the bank.

TIP 1:

While most people know about ‘his and hers’ items like bathrobes and towels, there are a number of other items that can be enjoyed together as ‘couples’ items. Try getting matching T-shirts with cute sayings on them. Have matching his and hers overnight bags, coffee mugs, bicycles, cell phones, cars, holiday ornaments, tennis rackets, rocking chairs and even matching carved pumpkins on Halloween.

TIP 2:

Surprise your partner by making the ordinary a little more special. If he or she is enjoying a good book, remove the bookmark and replace it with a note that says, “I bet you’ll never guess where I’ve hidden your bookmark.” If they always turn the TV on when they come home from work, tape a note on the television that says, “Wouldn’t you rather turn me on?” instead.

TIP 3:

Making important memories is one way to be romantic on a budget. Challenge your partner to remember the most romantic kiss that you’ve seen in a movie. This will lead to some discussion about romantic kisses and should enhance the mood. As a surprise, buy that movie one day and try to recreate that special romantic kiss! Keep it in a special place and re-watch it whenever the mood strikes. If you can’t agree on the single most romantic kiss, go ahead and create a top five list. This tip works for anything. The top five most romantic songs. The top five most romantic movies. The top five most romantic books. You see the pattern. Make sure to go ahead and buy the books, songs, movies or whatever so you can use them in the future.

TIP 4:

If you want to plan the ultimate romantic evening but funds are low or you simply don’t want to have to leave the house, shut down the electricity and imitate a power outage (it’s up to you whether or not you tell him or her!). You won’t have any distractions or heat, so it is up to both of you to keep the other warm and entertain each other.

TIP 5:

It’s hard to find anyone who doesn’t enjoy an Oreo cookie. Take an Oreo (or generic version of one), scratch the top of the cookie until smooth and then scratch a heart and your initials into the smooth surface. You can also make your own cookies and create personal messages. Another version is to make your own cupcakes and frost them with special messages in red icing. You can also give your spouse a true treat and track down a box of his or her favorite Girl Scout cookie.

These 5 simple ideas are sure to warm up any relationship. Don’t be afraid to try simple tips and changes to “routines” to spice things up without having it cost a fortune!

Dating, online dating, seduction, flirt, relationships, love, romance, marriage, foreign brides, single parents, romance, budget, love, marriage, romantic, tips

Summary:

We make relationships to enjoy life. Even it perhaps a lot of sacrifices to keep a relationship and to make it work, many of us prefer to make these sacrifices just to have near the person we love and like to spend time with.

START YOUR JOURNEY NOW

Sometimes it happens that a relationship ends even that there is still love between the partners. This happens when one of the partners makes some regular mistakes and has a bad behavior towards the other. But usually the one who is guilty for ending the relationship are men who figures out too late how much it cares about the other and wants to change only after lose her.

There is nothing worst that being dumped by the one you love and believed was "the one". Trying to get a woman back in to your life is difficult. If you lost your true love because of you and really want to get her back, don't desperate.

Your situation is not necessarily hopeless. At some point in life, we all lose something that we really wish we held on to - in this case, you lost your love and you need to get your ex back.

Getting back together with your lost love is not about “getting” them back or even relationship repair. It's about wining them back. Winning them back implies a few important things semantically. It implies effort from your part.

First off all call her and tell her that you really want to see her. If she wants to take lunch with you make it so your ex notice that you are changed, that you thought about why did she leave you and she had right because there are many reasons why she left. Apologize sincerely.

If she doesn't want to talk to you by not picking up the phone when you call her, just surprise her by waiting in front of the office where she works and offer to walk her home when her program in over. But before assure that she is not having a boyfriend yet, because it might happen that someone else is waiting for her so your chance is ruined.

Act like you just starting dating, make her feel special. Be honest, and tell her that you still love her. Use the past to your advantage and let her know that anyone deserves a second chance, that things will be different now. Do not stalk her; she might think that you are very desperate.

Just tell her that you are ready to make your relationship a priority in your life. If you can get a date with her, be positive, laugh and smile. Make her feel good. Subtly touch her when she's talking. You must raise the level of attraction between the two of you, if she still loves you; you know that she has a weakness towards you.

If she didn't fall into your arms after your date don’t give up. Call her often and just tell her how you feel. Also you can make something special for her, like sending flowers and buy her gifts. Don't forget about anniversary and birthday.

E-mail her and let her know that you are available any time if she wants to have a date with you. Also assure her that you don't frequent another girls and she is the most important for you.

Be yourself, show her that you don't play games and your intentions are very serious. Also, don't be jealous if she had a date with another guy if she is now ready to get back with you and renounce to the other guy.

With this ways, a little luck and your personal charm you can get your girlfriend back faster than you think.

Dating, online dating, seduction, flirt, relationships, love, romance, marriage, foreign brides, single parents, romance, budget, love, marriage, romantic, tips, dating, online dating, flirt, seduction, relationships, romance, marriage, foreign brides, single parents