This is Why You Need a Family Screen Time Agreement (And How to Create One)

(This is for ages 10+)

Screen time is a hot topic in almost every household, whether the word is used for good or bad. As teachers and parents, we want to make sure our kids are using technology wisely, but it can be challenging to strike the right balance, especially with so much conflicting research and opinions out there. You’ve probably experienced the endless negotiations over “just five more minutes” or the battle to unplug at dinner time, and the tactics probably aren't working. Maybe it's the conversation that needs to change. That’s where a family screen time agreement comes in (NOT a contract, not rules). It’s much more than just setting down rules (I don't like that term), it’s about creating a shared understanding, educating together, and setting clear boundaries for everyone in the family.

In this post, I’ll explain why having a family screen time agreement like this is so important, and I’ll guide you through the steps I use to create one that works for your family. Whether your kids are just starting to use devices or you’re dealing with teens glued to their screens, this approach can bring some better conversations around screen time to your household.

Why You Need a Family Screen Time Agreement

1. Promotes Healthy Digital Habits

An agreement helps establish healthy digital habits early on, which is what we all want in the end. By setting clear guidelines, you can guide your kids on how to balance their time between screens and other important activities like homework, physical exercise, and family time, in a way that is productive...without the arguing. This agreement encourages them to develop self-discipline, which is essential for their long-term digital wellness, long after they leave the safety of your home.

2. Reduces Conflicts

How often do screen rules lead to arguments in your home? A well-thought-out family agreement can reduce these conflicts by putting everyone on the same page. When the boundaries and habits you want to work on are agreed upon by the whole family, they’re easier to put in place, and to follow. Let me say this clearly...your children deserve a voice at the table. Voice (agency) lends itself to this phase in the tween/teen life where they are building autonomy. Many kids aren't actually against healthy guidelines and expectations, they're against being told what to do without a voice in the matter. This voice means fewer power struggles and more peace in your household.

3. Encourages Responsibility and Independence

By involving your kids in the creation of the agreement, you give them a sense of ownership as well. This makes them more likely to adhere to the boundaries because they had a hand in making them. The family agreement is a tool to talk through and discuss openly, allowing everyones perspectives and opinions to be heard and shared in a safe environment. It also teaches them to manage their own screen time responsibly, an essential skill as they grow older and gain more independence. The more we just take away or "ban", the less we're helping to shape their future skills of coping, independence and resilience.

4. Supports Mental and Physical Well-being

We all know that too much screen time COULD impact sleep, physical health, and even mental well-being (your kids know this by the way). This agreement can help educate and provide things to think about so that screens aren’t taking over your family’s lives. It promotes a balanced lifestyle, where screens are just one part of a full and healthy day (because screens can be healthy!).

How to Create a Family Screen Time Agreement

Creating a family screen time agreement doesn’t have to be complicated. Here’s how you can do it easily with my Connected Agreement:

Step 1: Have an Open Family Discussion

Start with a family meeting to discuss screen time. This is where everyone can voice their thoughts, concerns, and suggestions. It’s important to listen to your kids’ perspectives, they need to feel heard and understood. This also helps them understand the reasons behind the agreements you’ll be making together.

Step 2: Set Clear Guidelines Together

Once everyone has shared their thoughts, work together to read through the workbook and ideas and agreements I've suggested. The agreement includes areas of media literacy and digital wellness (top concerns of parents) such as empathy, privacy, when to connect or disconnect, what kinds of activities are okay during screen time, what to do when in trouble in an online situation, how to avoid scams, gaming expectations, etc. 

Step 3: Write It Down

After agreeing on selected areas (you'll only choose a couple per area to start with), print it out! You don't have to sign it, that's not everyone's cup of tea. Having a physical document that everyone can refer to is key. Choose a spot to display it prominently in your home. This is something the whole family needs to agree to and work on, holding each other accountable in a productive, respectful way. You're building positive, healthy habits together. It's not about catching anyone doing wrong. Remember, mistakes WILL happen.

Step 4: Establish Consequences

Decide on what happens when you mess up...together. It’s important that this is fair and consistent, and developed with your tween or teen. Everyone should understand what will happen if the agreements aren’t followed, like having a family discussion. Remember, kids make mistakes, it's how they learn. There's a difference between utter defiance/anger/repeated harmful behaviors, and just been the owner of a teen brain that wants to test boundaries and see what happens. The learning WITH your support is where the magic happens.

Step 5: Review and Adjust Regularly

As your kids grow or your family's needs change, your screen time agreement should evolve too. Plan to review the agreement regularly (included in the one time payment!), maybe every few months or at the start of a new school year and the start of summer, to make sure it still works for everyone.

Creating a family screen time agreement is a powerful way to foster healthy digital habits, reduce conflicts, and encourage responsibility in your kids. It’s not just about limiting screen time; it’s about making sure that screen time is balanced with other important activities and that it doesn’t interfere with your family’s well-being.

Ready to bring more balance to your family’s digital life? Start by creating your own family screen time agreement today.