So... What are you?

Post date: Apr 18, 2017 8:49:49 PM

Written by Isabel Beard at Thursday, April 6, 2017 12:42:21 AM

“You don’t act like a black girl.” “You don’t talk black.” “Ohh… that makes sense,” with a wink. My racial ambiguity has led to some pretty uncomfortable situations in my life. My race can appear as white, latinx, black, or some mix of the three depending on how tan I am or how I wore my hair that day. My mother is a white Polish Jew and my father is black. Unsure what his nationality is, whether he’s African American or otherwise, but that’s a whole other issue. Depending on what people perceive me as, and what they truly know about me, they will act or say different things around me.

Economists from Yale, Harvard and University of Chicago found that only one in every seventy people born in the year 2000 were black and white biracial. This means that only about one and seventy people I meet from my generation can relate to my specific problems and the classic question, “so… what are you?” It leads to a certain feeling of seclusion and a general lack of identity. “Can you say the “n” word?” isn’t an uncommon question. I’ve never really been sure where I fit in. I’ve never been able to determine whether or not I can relate to black issues, or whether I truly have white privilege. Essentially, people know what I want them to know about me. With my ambiguous appearance, I can pass as many different things, which definitely puts me in a certain place of safety. It doesn’t feel like an issue that’s addressed enough in research, feminism, or life in general. When you’re given a form and it asks you to choose one race, what is the best course of action? How can you possibly decide which of your two races you are? Additionally, struggling with identity continues as I struggle to determine if I identify as “half black and half white,” or simply just “Mixed” or “biracial”

Obama's identity has helped, however it hasn’t solved the problem. And if you knew what I looked like, you wouldn’t lump myself and Obama is the same category in regards to racial ambiguity, as he is significantly darker than I am. But does this mean that he’s “blacker?” than me? Part of me is screaming YES! he faces discrimination based on his skin color alone, and you typically don’t. But another part of me is telling me that I experience it too, but in very different ways. People will watch what they say around a person who they know is black, so when they don’t know with me they feel safe. Orlando has the reputation of being very liberal, but my high school, which pulled students from some of the wealthiest, old-money neighborhoods of the city was generally populated by close-minded conservative, white people. Appearing relatively white, most people assumed my race and categorized me with the rest of my class mates. I’ll never forget when I was walking with my friend Noli and his friend was also walking with us, throwing out some terrible racial slurs and throwing around the “n” word like it was nothing. And it wasn’t until my friend Noli yelled “stop, dude, she’s half black!” that these hateful words seized. He immediately apologized and said “I had no idea.”

My ambiguity and the ability to hide any aspects of my identity has given me insight on what people will say when they think no one is listening.