Banking Union, Yarn cabal and more

Banking Union under way

Monday 9 December 2019Stacey LerouxEditor in Chief
Security agent stationed in front of the main vault at the Union Depository.Photo credit: Carrie Lemoyne, Union Depository H.R.
Caleb Michaels security vehicle stationed outside of Weazel News.Photo credit: Stacey Leroux, Weazel News.

LOS SANTOS -- Elliot Holdings have made a new major investment in San Andreas over the last few weeks. Mr. Elliot has come to acquire the Union Depository (UD) located in Pillbox Hill at 17 Power Street. The primary objective of this acquisition is to increase security and decrease profits around the frequent heists.

In an interview with the Union Depository's Head of Security, Mr. Caleb Michaels, Stacey Leroux was able to uncover some information regarding this property. One of the main problems identified by Mr. Michaels, former Head of Security at the Blaine County Savings Bank, was the lack of "boots on the ground." While technologically the security systems at Pacific Standard, Fleeca and Maze banks have been impressive, there has always been a delay between when the vault is opened and when police services arrive on scene.

Michaels has opted for a "multi-layer" approach to ensure security at the Union Depository. He could not go into specifics. That being said, he assured Weazel News that the UD Security Forces were armed with 12-gauge shotguns and some even had Bullpup rifles. Michaels added, "If anyone tries to rob this bank, they deserve what's coming to them," and later, "They will be blasted on sight."

Mrs. Leroux was then taken on a guided tour of the building and in particular the vault. When asking about the dollar value of the vault at any given time, Michaels estimated between "one point four and one point nine million, typically."

Banks will be responsible for their own transfers between the Depository and their vaults. Michaels noted that the routes will be largely overseen by Maze Bank and their security detail to prevent any monetary thefts in transition.


Monday 9 December 2019Thomas WagnerContributor, FBI Correspondent

LOS SANTOS -- Under the direction of FBI Special Agent Derek Byrd the investigation into a massive drug network has come to a close. According to an FBI spokesperson, this investigation began six months ago and led to the arrest of former Officer Clif Manarello on grounds of corruption in late October. While the initial investigation into Manarello was conducted independently by Internal Affairs Inspector General John Panda, the FBI believed there was more to this tale of police corruption.

The spokesperson was unable to identify any other individuals at this time. He was able to outline the structure and procedures of the cabal, as well as some minor details surrounding the arrests which occurred earlier this morning.

    • The Mountain: the head of the cabal. She was responsible for overseeing the trafficking of large quantities of methamphetamine (code named "dildos") and crack cocaine (code named "corn"). The position of "The Mountain" has been held by several individuals, most notably Mr. Ryan O'Neil, an elementary teacher in Los Santos who was murdered just over two decades ago. The new Mountain was a police officer and was arrested this morning.
    • The Cliff: the undersecretary of the Mountain. Not much effort went into this code name as it was the call sign of Officer Clif Manarello. He was arrested on 22 October.
    • The Papa John: the head of distribution. He would famously leave a slice of pizza to indicate dead drop locations to other cabal members. He was a police officer and was arrested this morning.
    • The Shepard/Black Sheep: the head of transportation. He would ensure the safe delivery of cargo between the barn and the lumberyard. He was a civilian and was arrested several days ago.
    • The Farmer: the head of production. He managed the production of "dildos" and "corn" at the Grey Barn. He was a police officer and was arrested this morning.
    • The Lumberjack: the head of processing. He managed the portions and packaging of the products. He was a police officer and was arrested this morning.

Special Agent Derek Byrd alongside his Tahoe, nicknamed "The Axis," outside of the Mission Row Police Station, where many of the arrests were made.Photo credit: Kyle Lewis, Weazel News

The spokesperson explained that the origin of the "yarn" aspect of this cabal came from the Mountain herself. In a delirious state, she argued that the yarn controlled everything. That is "strung along her actions," or controlled her. While the spokesperson could not comment on this point, Weazel News is curious if this has any relation to "The Nerd's Rope".

Special Agent Byrd has confirmed that with the toppling of the Mountain and the arrest of her team that the Yarn Cabal has come to an end, thus concluding this investigation.

The LSPD has refused to comment on the breakthrough at this time, likely due to the sheer amount of officers who had infiltrated their ranks. Weazel News expects some form of reform within the police department in the coming days, likely through a new operating manual.

Failed heist attempt: fat santa stuck in chimney, WEAZEL NEWS RESCUE

Monday 9 December 2019Stacey LerouxEditor in Chief

LOS SANTOS -- Not long after her interview at the Union Depository, Stacey Leroux heard a gurgling scream through the ventilation system at the bank. Leroux and Michaels were intercepted by the Mayor and her colleagues, informing us that Mr. Frank Murphy was stuck on the roof of the Union Depository building. Leroux found it imperative to find Mr. Murphy for the content alone.

Caleb Michaels checking on Frank Murphy after rescuing him from the chimney of the Union Depository.Photo credit: Stacey Leroux, Weazel News

Michaels and Leroux quickly returned to Weazel News to retrieve the Flying Weazel, Leroux' helicopter. After rescuing Murphy from the chimney, another helicopter appeared. They captured Mr Murphy and took off for the airport.

A complication arose between Murphy and Michaels at the LSIA, resulting in a standoff before emergency services arrived on scene. Neither party could comment on the situation.

Michaels and Murphy in a standoff at the Los Santos International Airport. Mayor Cassi Laslold and former Mayor Simon Grey are spotted in festive uniforms.Photo credit: Stacey Leroux, Weazel News.