GRANNY NEWS 2/6/26 — Drake, the Canadian rapper famous for the line “High school pics, you was even bad then” on his song “Nice For What,” released April 6, 2018, has reportedly bought a Target store in O’Fallon, Missouri.

The current price is unknown, but the owner, David O’Fallon—the grandson of the town’s founder—was pictured walking out of the Target with two large beige bags with dollar signs on the front.

Shortly after, Kendrick Lamar fan Joe Putin threw a stink bomb inside the store, sending everyone outside. As Drake reportedly tried to “scoop up the smell,” he was attacked by Joe Putin, resulting in Drake suffering injuries to his L4 vertebrae. Joe was swiftly put on death row.

After leaving the hospital, Drake told our exclusive Granny News reporter: “I will turn the Target into an owl sanctuary for all the fans plagued by hearing ‘Not Like Us.’”

This story is still developing, but a van carrying 500 owls was reportedly seen heading toward Missouri.