#105 April 2, 2021!

Wow! It’s hard to fathom that it’s been a week since I last wrote one of these. Time seems to have zipped by rather quickly in that instance and it feels like I was just writing last week’s entry yesterday.

There is a tech writer that I follow on Twitter named Dieter Bohn. He is a writer for The Verge and he usually posts reviews and such that I have a tendency to agree with. But one of the things that I love about him is his usual Friday post:

Dieter Bohn @backlon

Today is Friday (really) and that means you have to close all your tabs by the end of the day. Those are the rules sorry.

I have decided to start taking this into account, because my accumulation of tabs as of late is reaching epic proportions. I am the king of finding something interesting on the internet and then “saving it for later”. This is an absurd notion because there are ENDLESS things on the internet to read, so by the end of the week, I will have twenty or thirty tabs open on my browser, all of which I intend to spend time with and really read.

And believe it or not, I do end up reading almost all of those tabs. I have it down to a science. People laugh at me because I don’t watch a lot of television. The reason I don’t watch a lot of TV is because I spend all of the time that I could be watching TV by reading various internet articles. And what’s the point, really? Why do I consume so much nonsense? I think it is simply so that someday, I can use all of my general knowledge to be a contestant on Jeopardy. I guess. Who knows?

So, I think that I am going to start taking Dieter’s advice and closing my tabs on Friday, whether I’ve read them or not. I think I’d be a lot healthier. Yesterday, I had a “I’m lost and can’t find my way” type of day, where I had nothing better to do and ended up closing those tabs like I should have all week. Here is what I consumed:

  • An article on white balancing your camera that I thought was about video, but was actually about still photos and which made me angry in the end because it was about still photos and didn’t explain that until the end of the article.

  • A page about the human cost of construction projects. Basically, how many people have died on major construction projects over the last couple of centuries.

  • Endless pages on real estate in Tulsa, Oklahoma:

  • Endless pages on places to stay over the summer (because we can’t handle a summer here in 50 degree weather):

  • An article on the Josie and the Pussycats soundtrack.

  • A video of Bruce Springsteen covering Lorde.

  • A webpage devoted to installing shortcuts for the iPhone. (The one for downloading youtube videos is pretty good…).

  • Research on Small Pharma, which I plan to invest in.

  • An article on driverless cars in Abu Dhabi.

  • Endlessly checking OKC’s draft odds.

  • An auction on Disney memorabilia.

  • Research on purchasing E-bikes in Abu Dhabi. (Short answer: You can’t).

  • Doing my monthly watch on how gorgeous Belinda Carlisle was in 1986, after reading this article on her Number One from 1987.

  • Watching several short films from a Cherokee Nation short film contest. (GF3RT is quite funny).

  • Raged at the injustice of vaccination purchases.

  • Looked up the “Middle-Aged Man” sketch to prove to my wife that the song I sing to myself all the time was an actual thing.

  • Read about a guy who crashed his plane in the Amazon and took 30 days to find his way out.

  • And lastly, read an article on a guy who discovered that his cat was two-timing him at his neighbor’s house.

This is all gloriously pathetic. I don’t know what you look at on the internet, but I would venture to say that few of you would have the guts to put your browsing history up for everyone to see like this.

But hey, I know a lot about some really weird stuff.

MEDIA DIET

Yesterday, I watched the next entry in the Best Picture list. It was called The Sound of Metal.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to watch it, because the premise kind of made my skin crawl. “A heavy metal drummer deals with hearing loss…” Yeesh…that sounded bad.

But it was so good.

Really moving. Really nuanced. Not at all what I expected. Really, really human and well-told. I will say that the opening of the film is kind of bad, but if you make it through that, then you will be rewarded with a great story.

Current rankings for my best picture vote:

  1. Sound of Metal

  2. Promising Young Woman

  3. Nomadland

Yeah, that’s all I’ve seen so far. I have yet to watch The Father, Mank, The Trial of the Chicago 7, and Minari.

I don’t know if I will watch Mank at all, because I just hate the subject matter. I’m also not sure I’ll watch The Father, because it just looks endlessly depressing. I will watch Minari. Hopefully, I can watch all of these this weekend. We shall see.

Lastly, go download the new Middle Kids album. They’re my favorite band at the moment. So good.

ARTICLE OF THE WEEK

Why were disembodied feet washing up on the shore of islands in British Columbia? The answer will surprise you

TO BE SORTED

Create your own Bayeaux Tapestry…

OPEN TABS

Important question: If everyone sat in the ocean at the same time, how much would the sea level rise?





Previous editions of Ridiculous Opinions can be found here!

*All awards refer to Randall P. Girdner’s winning of the Hubert J. Puntzweiger Award for Outstanding Children’s Literature published in the Kangqiao District of Shanghai.**By “world-renowned”, we are referring to the fact that Randall P. Girdner currently teaches overseas.