You see, I have had many opportunities to learn the lesson of letting go throughout my life. People I loved have died, friends have vanished, and men have come and gone. Every single time I have had the opportunity to let go I have fought it.
When I was going through the devastating first weeks of my breakup, I kept getting the same message over and over again: You are being cleared out for something amazing to come in. Deep inside me, buried quietly under the overwhelming heartache, was my soul nodding yes.
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I am finally waking up to the fact that if I want to have that kind of love, then I need to do things differently. I have to listen to my soul and choose to give myself what I deserve. I have to allow that man into my life.
The truth is that you can actually have what you truly desire. You can have the great love and whatever else your soul is yearning for. It just might show up in a different package than your mind is willing to accept right now.
Do this over and over again until you find yourself more and more free. Trust that everything is exactly as it needs to be. Be patient. Stay with the ache a little bit longer. Something big is coming your way.
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Your grief will probably not be gone in a few weeks or even months. Because of the special relationship we have with our dogs, grief of a beloved dog can often be more intense than the death of a family member, and coming to terms with the change will take as long as it takes.
The idea that every loss is a multiple loss is one of the Seven Principles of Grief by J. Shep Jeffries (2007). If you want a giant overview of the grief process, I recommend you read that book. Here is his full list of grief principles:
These are things you can do to help even if your loss was a long time ago. You will always love your dog. But if the loss was recent or tears still overcome you whenever you think of your dog, the grief may not be fully processed, and your health and relationships can suffer because of it. There are many other things to do, but here are five important ways you can take care of yourself.
It may also be helpful to work with a therapist. While the grieving process is not a problem to be fixed, it is a time of tumultuous emotionality, from relief and intense guilt to anger and sadness. The loss of your dog may be an opportunity to understand the grief process and to work on the unprocessed grief of other losses in your life.
Grisha Says:
August 29th, 2011 at 1:21 pm Thanks for sharing, Nancy. There are a lot of things that people do or say that can accidentally hurt, like handing you tissue when you start to cry (versus just letting you talk or cry and having tissue around, in case you need it). Any tips from your own experience that you can share for what people should or should not do would be useful for the people reading this blog.
Chrissy Says:
September 8th, 2011 at 4:02 pm Hi everyone,
I just wanted to let you know that I have read all the stories posted here and hope that it brings me some solitude to an aging dog.
I have a Great Dane that is not in good condition and I know that I must put him down and it is killing me to even think of it. He has trouble breathing and if he gets over excited he cannot breathe, causing him to gasp for air. This came on suddenly and it is in his lineage of danes so I know he cannot go on for long.
I am hoping I can cope with the loss as I am tearful already and it hurts worse than losing a loved one. He has been with me since he was born and now he is 7 and I keep praying that it is not the end yet but I know it is.
So I know where all of you are comming from and the intensive pain that follows, my only hope is that I can function normaly, but I must admit losing him will really put the dampers on any thing I do.
Hope more people have comments that will help me ease the pain. Thanks to everyone for their stories and I know what you have felt. Thanks again
Kristina Callender Says:
October 7th, 2011 at 10:24 amHello Grisha,One of your students is a collegue of mine that told me about your services and suggested I reach out to tell you about my pet loss support groups in Northgate. I facilitate a Dog Gone 4 week pet loss support group to help end the isolation that comes with pet loss.
michelle Laurienti Says:
May 22nd, 2013 at 8:11 amMy beloved Belly buttons left behind her sister of 9 years, and me her mother, best friend soul mate, i have had my girls since birth, being great danes, i knew their life span was short, having had there dad, who lived only 8 years, i did everything right, the best grain free dog food, off to the vet for everything she was a breast cancer surviver And was on Cushings meds. Her sister desa has a titanium hip, i got sick 22 years ago and have wanted 2 give up so many times, my girls would not let me, Belly was my nurse, if i was sleeping too much she would rub her whiskers on my lips, to get me moving, she was my love, life, joy, the breath in my lungs,the light of my life, our souls were connected we could understand each other by a way i cant put into words, i cant hardly wait for my time to go becouse i miss her so much, i am trying to be careful not to let my greif affect her sister, who seems to have given up, i can. oonly get her to eat a little by spoon, it has been 10so days,
michelle Laurienti Says:
May 22nd, 2013 at 9:32 amI meant i have been sick for 2 years not 22, i have been
taking desa everywhere with me i dont want her to give up,but she
will only drink if i bring it to her, or eat if i hand feed her,
she wont eat treats or chew bones anymore how do i will her to
live? I cant loose her too
Pam Says:
November 22nd, 2013 at 1:53 pm I just read your comment and I just wanted you to know how sorry I am for your loss. I lost my 2 babies within 9 days of each other in June and it was devastating. Things have gotten a little better, but the deep sting of loss will always be there.
Just know that I will be praying for you and there are many of us who understand what you are going through, and you are not alone.
Lisa Says:
June 12th, 2014 at 12:32 pm Hi, I just had to put my cat Lindsay down Last Friday 06/06/14. She was my best friend. I found her in my condo when we did the final walk through and my heart just melted and I knew her and I were going to be together forever. She was about 2 and a half years old at that time the vet said. She lived to be almost 15 years. She ended up getting hyper thyroid disease and in time the disease took over.RIP Lindsay
I know I will see you in heaven
Robin Says:
July 19th, 2014 at 4:16 pm Thank you for this. My Mattie, a 13-14 year old shih tzu rescue, was put to rest on July 16th. She was going through heart and liver failure. I had her for 11 years. She was my baby and dearest friend. I knew saying good bye would be difficult, but I had no idea how difficult. My husband, who was one of the first men she liked, has been super supportive, so I feel lucky. And I know he is feeling the loss as well.Understanding that the grief I am feeling is normal and expected is helpful. I am not crazy. Though I have had dogs all my life, Mattie was mine. I picked her and she picked me. Where ever I was, she was. With her passing, I am now in the bathroom alone. No longer do I have an audience when using the bathroom or showering. Very empty lonely feeling, the house is quiet. For a small dog, she had a huge presence. We have another younger dog, but our relationship is different. Mattie was my soul dog. I miss that face and those super soft paws.
wendy Says:
July 24th, 2014 at 8:09 pm I just said good bye to the most wonderful pet ever, my baby boy Nicholas a 10 1/2 year old bichon. He was fine one day and then he was not. It all happened so suddenly. He was my best friend, confidant, walking buddy. The emotional pain is unbearable, the waves of tears and uncontrolable crying is almost too much to handle, i feel the grief is so intense it chokes me. I can not sleep. House feels so empty, quiet, somber without him. I love him so much it is hard to accept it. I love you Nicky! In my heart forever.
Dee Swisher Yousef Says:
August 1st, 2014 at 11:54 amI said until we meet again to my sweet angel girl Sofie on July 27th 2012. Sofie was a beautiful little Blenheim King Charles Cavalier. Her big soulful eyes watched my every move when we were together. If I thought she was asleep I would glance over and she would be looking at my soul with those eyes. We shared our meals ( she shared whatever mom had) and often I would cook her favorite chicken breast for her . She loved sweet potatoes and Busy Bones. I noticed a lump on one of her breasts in March 2014 and we went to see the vet. The news was devastating. Tests were completed and I was informed Sofie had a terminal cancer the tumor had spread to her lungs and heart. Our vet provided palliative care for pain and to ease her breathing. Sofie and I spent her last 2 months living with friends who several acres of fields, big trees and where I let Sofie run free. She chased squirrels , butterflies , we would lie together in the grass as she sniffed the breezes. When Sofie tired I would carry her in and lay her on her favorite blanket on my bed. Sofie was my constant companion for 10 years . I feel her presence everywhere, I hear her softly breathing at night and my heart aches when I realize she is no longer here with me. To say I loved her is an understatement because I adored my little girl. I kissed her little soft warm head as she lay on the cold steel of the vets exam table after he gave her the sedative. I told her to wait for me at the end of the Rainbow Bridge and not to be afraid because momma would soon be there beside her. I cry every time I think hear her now, I look for her next me and the aching emptiness is immeasurable. 152ee80cbc
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