My initial dislike to little Mr Mars did not actually stem from his saccharine pop croon, nor from his oh so annoyingly pristine celebrity image, not even from the fact that he now makes the world think being a good boyfriend is agreeing to jump on a grenade. No, in fact it was one very late night in the university library spent putting together a recorded presentation on something to do with 'blah blah politics, the West is bad because Orientalism'. Thanks to the Asda radio ruining my snack run, I had my great friend Bruno reverberating through my coffee stained, panicking, impossibly tired skull all night long. That night (and morning) I really did feel like I'd been locked out of heaven, forever, and I never thought I'd forgive him for it.


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