LITERARY | Hearts Kept Quiet

Falling for you - The 1975

I don’t wanna be your friend,

I wanna kiss your neck.

Don’t you see me? 

I think I’m falling, I’m falling for you.

I have always entered a room with no expectations, learning to stand by and see where it leads me. It was as if the only function that I served in that space was my presence and nothing more. Until, my eyes caught a piece of your hairpin, sitting pretty in that fixed hair of yours. A distant hum was all I could hear and it was as if the lights of the room dimmed and I couldn’t even fathom what color your hairpin was that day.

I mean it’s just a normal experience, right? It’s supposed to be.

Being stuck with the same group for the rest of the semester meant I had to learn how to avoid staring at you for more than 10 seconds to avoid being weird. I can’t even begin to imagine what your thoughts would be once you find out. That’s just the start of the worries I have in order to get along with you.

“You’re late,” I said.

She grinned. “Not yet. It’s still considered early on my part.”

‘Should I find a way to continue the conversation between us?’ was the debate that engulfed my mind. There was a war within myself as I laughed at her reply on the outside. And there it is, that same familiar feeling that I’ve been having.

A feeling that needs to be tended on in order for it  to be controlled. But, how can I? Just standing a few feet away from me in each class was already terrifying on my part. You simply stood there and I found myself anticipating and walking around the campus, hoping to catch a glimpse of you in any corner.

I’m trying to remove any hopes from this; I don’t want to jump into any conclusions that will result in a heartbreak. 

It’s like anticipating to see a specific artwork in a museum with no intention of owning nor bidding on that art. I was there to admire, never to own. 

Even though I memorized everything that I could say to you once we had a conversation, I knew to myself that I would just forget all of it because as you stand in front of me right now, those radiant eyes and that captivating smile was more than enough for me to have my tongue-tied. 

Being friends with you seems to be the safest option for now, but I didn’t like the idea of safety. It's unfair that someone you think of as a friend would carry heavy feelings towards you. I don’t want you to mistake my distance for hostility. So if time permits, I hope you will catch on to what I’m feeling towards you. 

I just don’t wanna be your friend, so I hope you’ll see me because lately, every room that I walk into feels like I'm only there  to wait for you. 

It made me realize one thing, something I always saw but never admitted. A feeling that always gnawed at my conscience.

I’m falling for you.

#TruthInTransit
#IASParagon2526