LITERARY | Has It Been Christmas?

Today is December 21st. I have been thinking too much lately, and with a crowded mind, I forgot about what was coming—𝘾𝙝𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙢𝙖𝙨. These past few days have been quite dull, and there seems to be nothing special about the passing of time. I would not have even realized that Christmas is nearing, as I am too consumed to notice it at all.

I have no idea if my memory only failed to remember, or perhaps, for a very long time, I have not felt Christmas the same way I did  back in childhood—those good old days when we would celebrate and spend time together with our entire family from both sides. Most relatives would even prepare a whole program just to witness the younger ones with their dance performance. It was an undeniably eventful memory. I can still hear their carefree laughter, and the retro music playing loudly enough to keep the neighbors awake.

Aside from personal experiences, there are other things to remember about Christmas that many of us share: the caroling heard from children and with their instruments, the particular Christmas songs played a thousand times in every corner of the streets, the Simbang Gabi that occurs every time before sunrise, and so much more that embody the very essence of Christmas. On top of that, how can one forget about the Noche Buena shared with our families along with the pamasko by relatives?

Even before the Christmas season approaches, some of these things are already seen so often especially during the “ber” months. Every beginning of September, and whenever we were on our way home, we would pass by beautifully crafted parols displayed in their dazzling colors. Even my eyes still vividly remember how each one flickers from time to time. 𝙏𝙝𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙣𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙚𝙚.

Surely, I am late to realize that Christmas is coming. However, now that I recount every piece of the culture I have grown with, I also realized that there is indeed so much to remember about it. And maybe, I still experience the same traditions every Christmas Eve, but it has been a while since I last felt the same excitement as before—the reason why it almost slipped away from my mind.

Today isn’t so like the past. What was once exciting has become ordinary. Back then, I used to have my own expectations. I would expect presents, and open them eagerly even before Christmas arrived. Although I had no patience left for opening presents, I would willingly wait for days just to receive an angpao from the godparents who tried their best to hide from me. I would also expect delicious food placed on the dinner table, especially the leche flan that is usually served after the main meal. However, as the time passed, something truly changed. A few traditions may have remained the same, but at the same time, I do not know why Christmas today no longer feels like the one that I used to anticipate. 𝘿𝙞𝙙 𝘾𝙝𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙢𝙖𝙨 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙮 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚, 𝙤𝙧 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙄 𝙤𝙣𝙡𝙮 𝙜𝙧𝙤𝙬𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙪𝙥?

The more I thought about it, the more I began to understand—perhaps it is not Christmas that changed at all. The truth is, as we grow and mature, we start to have our own priorities along with the responsibilities necessary for adulthood. We used to be so little, and we only cared about the fun we so desire. And today, we can only reminisce about such nostalgic experiences.

Remembering particular memories from the past shows just how much has changed in every Christmas season that has passed by. While it can be saddening to think that everything is constant, it’s still nice to be able to remember that Christmas once made us feel genuinely delighted. Such feelings may no longer be the same, but the memories remain—𝙖𝙨 𝙡𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙨 𝙬𝙚 𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙙 𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙮.

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