Sex positivity

I’ve been meaning to write about this for a while, it feels like a pretty big step.

I am a sex positive organizer.

Of all the identities I’ve had to manage and disclose, this is the one I’ve been holding on to the longest. I’ve been shamed by Heterosexuals and Homosexuals for being Pansexual, that’s nothing new. I’ve been shamed by Queer folks for being Polyamorous, but when even the Polyam crowd look at you funny for being sexpositive, it feels pretty risky to speak openly about being a leader in the community.

I’ve been fascinated by sexuality my whole life, and I’ve worked in different capacities as a sexuality educator for 22 years. I’ve worked with youth, rural women, parents, adults. I’ve taught consent, negotiation, and put so many condoms on carrots (Costa Rican ones have a different shape) that I would have told you I knew more than many. When I found the SexPositive Community about 6 years ago, I learned these skills in an entirely different way. Being IN a consent exercise and practicing the skills over and over, with different people, can teach you in a whole new way. Being around this community and learning how to communicate, ask, set a boundary, and have different experiences with different people has profoundly changed who I am.

I have devoted a LOT of my time, energy, money and space to helping my community thrive, I want to be sure to hold the door open for the folks coming in behind me. As an immigrant, I couldn’t count on “word-of-mouth” to find a community, having a public-facing organization like SexPositivePortland was crucial to my journey. I bought my house with the goal of creating a welcoming space, and I share it as a venue multiple times a month. Having a monthly cuddle party that comes to ME each month is pretty sweet!

I’ve had my doubts, and questioned why I’ve poured SO MUCH of myself into this… Is this the most frivolous thing in the world? Considering all the causes and needs in the world, why do I put so much into THIS?! Lately I’ve come to recognize that this is a central part of my activism, this is part of how I want to change the world. I’ve taken to describing myself as an adult sexuality educator, pushing past the shame, and saying it with PRIDE.

If you have questions, I’m happy to talk.