Order of Service

Eulogy to Laura (July 21, 2009)

by Clifford Trivett (Laura’s Son in Law)

I first met Laura in 1975 when Averill introduced me to her mum and dad. As I got to know Laura, I began to understand that her faith and those closest to her was what she valued the most. She had little interest in material items.  Sundays were always special days for her, to be spent at Mass and then at home with the family. Averill only missed a Sunday at her mums if she was away on holiday.

Laura was keen to maintain Goan traditions at Christmas.  We all had to help in making Indian sweets and cakes. Laura ensured that all the family attended midnight mass. Christmas presents could not be opened before mass. On Christmas day, Laura and her sisters would prepare dinner for 15 to 20 people.  That was the time to keep well away from the kitchen. Everyone in the kitchen seemed to be rushing with instructions being barked out. It became part of our Christmas tradition.

Over the years, I have attended a number of Goan functions in London. I have always been amazed at the number of ex-pupils who made a bee line for Laura. Laura had taught English in the Goan school in Kenya.  I cannot remember one pupil who had a bad word to say about her or did not remember her with affection.  She loved teaching and nothing gave her greater pleasure than seeing one of her old pupils succeed in life.  Her days as a teacher were the most fulfilling of her career.

Laura loved to play games and do crosswords.  Games played by the family and friends included scrabble, boggle, trivial pursuit and mime games, usually in teams. Laura took games very seriously and she was very easy to wind up. If the word was not in the Oxford dictionary, it did not exist.  I think we spent more time looking up spurious words that Laura would not accept than playing boggle and scrabble. That was part of the fun.

Laura loved cooking and organising others.  She was a good cook and made great fish curries, potato chops, samosas and curry puffs.  She planned holidays with the family in great detail.

Laura’s husband Alex died suddenly in January 1980.  I don’t think that she ever got over this but after a number of years came to terms with it.

When Paul and Natasha arrived, Laura got a new lease of life. She loved spending time with her grand children and helped to teach them to read and write. She was very excited when Paul graduated and then got his LPC. Although unable to move or talk, Laura managed a broad smile when Averill told her that Natasha had graduated earlier this year.

After retiring, Laura became busier than ever.  She worked hard for the church, giving communion, visiting the sick, arranging masses, giving people lifts and made sure that games were played by the bereavement group. Everyone had to have fun.  She was always going somewhere or had something to do.  She travelled to America, Canada, India, Africa and numerous parts of Europe for holidays, always enjoying the planning and organising.  She looked forward to visiting Simon and Regina in Germany.

In later life, Laura suffered 6 strokes.  After the 5 stroke, Trevor had to take over the job of cooking.  Laura was no longer able to help around the house although she tried to help Trevor with the washing up.  

After the 6th stroke, she was not able to talk or move and had to be peg fed.  We could not give her the 24 hour care that she needed and consequently she went into the Ashfield nursing home last July where she stayed until she died. Laura made a little improvement while at the Ashfield nursing home but was not able to talk again.  On some days, Laura would kiss our hands.

Laura’s determination kept her going. In the nursing home, she liked to read about football and recognised some of the players and managers.  She always tried to smile.

There have been many tears shed during the last 2 weeks and it has not been easy letting go.  Laura’s quality of life was very poor since her last stroke.  She is no longer in pain and has moved onto a better place.

On behalf of the family, I would like to thank everyone for coming today.  The world was a better place for Laura and whilst this is a sad occasion, we should try to remember that we are here to celebrate her life.

_________________________

By Angelo Braganza  

July 21, 2009

On behalf of the family I’d like to thank you all for coming today. Your presence here is an indication of the love, respect & friendship each one of you had for Auntie Laura. I know she would also have been particularly pleased that instead of flowers many of you have made donations to the Lewisham Stroke Club – which was very dear to her heart. It looks as if we will raise several hundred pounds at least.  Thank you for your generosity.

The family would also like to extend their thanks to all those who couldn’t be here but who telephoned, wrote, sent emails and offered masses for A Auntie Laura.  They too wanted to mark this occasion in their own way.  You can read some of the emails on the board.

Many of you were at the church and the burial service earlier this afternoon. I’d like to thank Father for reminding us that whatever Auntie Laura did was guided and informed by her deep faith.  You will also have heard Cliff’s wonderful and heartfelt tribute to his mother- in– law. Her Goan ways and customs obviously made a lasting impression on him.  So today I can say ‘Cliff you definitely are an honorary Goan’!  As her nephew I wanted to add a few words about dear Aunt Laura.

As you will know the last year was very difficult for her and Simon, Averill & Trevor.  But she kept going with the love & support of her family and friends.  About 9 months ago my wife Loretta & I visited her in the nursing home.  And I’d like to share with you what I wrote to the family at that time about meeting A Laura. 

‘When we got there she was sleeping in her chair by the door in the lounge and she looked very peaceful. It wasn't long before she woke up and I got up to talk to her telling her who I was.  I wasn't sure she knew me at first but as I kept talking she looked at me and Loretta and her breathing got a little faster.  At this point we had no doubt that she had indeed recognised us both. 

We showed her some photographs which we had of our recent trip to Dubai and particularly pointed out my Mum to her.  Despite it being difficult for her to concentrate for long I am sure she understood me when I said that my Mum sent her all her love.  She kept following Loretta with her eyes and when Loretta took her hand she grasped it ever so slightly.  Again, I felt that Aunty was aware of who we were and what we were saying.  When I took her hand she reciprocated with a gentle squeeze.

When we said goodbye she gazed at us steadily and I thought we did get what seemed like a gentle wave of her fingers and a little smile.

Words were completely unnecessary.

As it turned out that was the last time we saw her but it will remain a treasured memory. Those of you who were lucky enough to enjoy ‘badda khanna’ at Lescombe Road will know that A Laura liked those occasions.  So I think she would be very pleased at the catering today.  And on behalf of the family I would like to thank every one of you involved in providing the food and giving your time and effort so generously. In particular I would like to say that Auntie Laura would definitely have approved of the Goan fish curry!

I think it’s fitting to end with the thoughts of the family about their beloved Mum which Averill put in a recent email.  This is what she wrote:

‘Mum was a generous & happy person, always trying to help others who were less well off. Not even her strokes, and she had 6 of these could stop her!!!  After her smaller stroke

last year, she tried to sort out accommodation for one of the young nurses in the hospital, on her return home.

Many of her old students telephoned us after her last stroke, telling us how she had brought lunch into school daily for them, as their families could not afford to provide them with it; others about how she and my Dad had helped them financially; and others to say what a wonderful and encouraging teacher she was!’

Well dear Aunty Laura – you have left us but what you did will always endure in our memories.  We miss you but we know that you & Uncle Alex will be looking after all of

us and particularly your family.

May God grant you eternal rest.