He is on notice. A second affair will be viewed as a choice. A thought out, well-considered choice. I owe it to myself and to the children he hurt so tremendously to never, ever put any of us through that again. I told him if he ever cheats again, he is going into it with his eyes wide open. He knows the danger areas. He has had counseling. He knows where the boundaries are. He knows to skirt emotional and relational quicksand in opposite sex work and/or friend relationships.
Sadly I have lost many of the feelings SR mentioned above. I do, to some extent, see him through the lens of what he was capable of doing to me, us and our family. I do sometimes wonder if he would be capable of doing that again.
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So I am prepared financially and emotionally for a repeat. Hope it does not happen and hope he learned his lesson and I hope he realizes I am not playing this game again. I think my asking him teo leave opened his eyes up to my strength.
Th, my youngest is 3 the second youngest is 5 both are sick so much, always paediatrician and dr appointments, and thankfully I have been able to be at home for them. I help with the business, but now that my h did what he did, I feel very insecure. We were pretty covered incase of something happening to my h, but raising young ones that are unwell most of the year, than they are well, really put a blow in placing more effort in looking for work, as well child care fees will suck up most of the pay. If they are sick, then I have no one that will look after them, so stuck every way I turn.
I still browse the jobs, waiting for the right one, but now that we are moving again, I just have to keep browsing, but hope that something comes my way that I can work from home around my kids, while still regaining my independence. I want to feel as though I can financially look after myself and my children.
I am hoping that once my youngest goes to school, she will start being better a lot more, and my second youngest will improve heaps buy then too.
If my husband cheats again I will be gone so fast that he will have blisters from the speed of my passing.!!!!
I will never permit myself to go through this trauma again, listening to him justify, whine, try to blame me for his infidelity despite love and affection being freely available to him as he was having his affair.
I have made this totally clear to him, AND I WILL walk away with a clear conscience and start a new life without him.
Yes I've known a few who were so frightened by what they'd done and realised what they stood to lose, would never have gone there again in a million years.
Others aren't happy where they are so it will happen again. Some just like a bit of variety and will never be faithful.
Plenty of people have affairs in their heads.
Nobody can generalise.
I think if someone has cheated on you in your relationship, it's extremely difficult to get it back as you can never be sure and will always be left wondering, as the reasons they cheated are likely to come up again and the cheating be repeated.
But if someone cheats in a past relationship that doesn't automatically mean that they will cheat on you.
People cheat for different reasons, and each relationship, and how we are, is different.
Yes, but it depends what you mean. I know two cases where someone has cheated, in the first one, he lost his wife, home and everything else and the person he was cheating with. Got into a relationship a few years later as far as I know hasn't cheated again.
2nd person cheated on his partner left her for the other women, nearly 20 years later still with that woman (again hasn't cheated as far as I know)
@toiletpaper this is exactly what my STBXH did. He had 2 flings 7 years ago that when I discovered we went to counseling for. I was made to feel partly responsible as they took place after our son was born and I was apparently making life all about the baby and not him (to put into context at the time my ex worked away 80% of the time and I was working as well as raising our child with NO family support at all). So I was made to feel bad and I agreed to try again...
3 years ago he had a full blown affair. This time he had finally admitted it's just him and that he has a problem. He loves the attention, makes him feel good and family life is boring ?
I cheated once when i was stuck in a marriage for cultural reasons. I left him a few months later. Married the guy i met and fell in love with. Really happy now but had to leave my whole family to do it. Would never dream of doing it again. I made a horrid mistake. The cultural shame still hurts.
I cheated in my last relationship but I honestly think it was the biggest mistake of my life and I would never do it again. Even at the time I was never justifying it, I thought I was the worst person in the world and still have a hard time forgiving myself now for all the hurt caused. I don't think it's a coincidence that the cheating happen to correspond with the lowest point of my mental health. I do believe the person who I cheated with actually took advantage of my shit mental health (he knew I was suicidal) to get what he wanted but that's a whole other story and I am not going to absolve my responsibility regardless of whether I was pushed into it or not.
I know of several who've cheated and never done it again.
One has been married to their affair partner for 20 years.
Sometimes decent people make mistakes and bad decicions, though I do think it makes a difference if someone has one affair with someone they meet and develop feelings for or if someone is actively seeking someone to be unfaithful with / actively seeking one night stands it office flings to boost their ego as the latter are premeditated.
@category12 makes a very good point.
Although the only person I know who has cheated once and never again is me.
I was young and selfish and lacking in empathy, or indeed any thought at all for my partner at the time. But it destroyed him (for a while). I would never do that to someone again. That's not who I want to be. I could see how much better it would have been to end the relationship with him when I realised we'd become like brother and sister, rather than cheat.
I left my marriage because of that (after going to Relate, but I'd left it too late, tbh). I knew I was ripe for cheating. It was painful for my ex-husband, but 100 per cent better than being cheated on.
I've been cheated on, before and after I cheated. For some reason, the pain I'd felt wasn't enough to stop me doing it to someone else.
The people I forgave cheated on me again. I'd never continue a relationship with a cheat now. It's a total deal-breaker. Someone who was genuinely unhappy in the relationship wouldn't want to come back to it anyway, so the fact they want back in means they will cheat even in a satisfactory relationship. No thanks.
Yes me.
I cheated only now ex husband very early on in the relationship. I had, what I now know was, an emotional affair that became physical once.
I regretted it immediately afterwards and pledged to myself that I'd never do it again - it said more about me as a person than it did about him or the relationship.
My current boyfriend cheated on his long term ex at the end of their relationship. I know the circumstances of the relationship and, whilst he shouldn't have done it, I can see how the situation led to it.
He owned up to it and the relationship ended. I didn't.
He and I would both now end a relationship before it got to that stage if we were unhappy. I trust him on that.
A lot of people cheat. A lot of men you date, who will tell you that they never have, will have done and just aren't being honest about it. I'd trust someone who was open and honest about their past over someone who pretended it was different.
However, I wouldn't forgive someone who cheated on me.
I almost cheated on my ex - he found out what was going on that I was planning to meet another guy and he tried to forgive me and for us to get past it but I hadn't been happy for years and had told him this multiple times but I kept getting guilted to stay.
We broke up after this and I started a relationship with the guy I was planning to meet and (I thought) it was going really well however I found out he has cheated on me. I wonder if I was getting my just desserts from what I did.
Kardashian supposedly was shocked to learn in early December that Thompson had cheated on her again, conceiving a baby with Texas personal trainer Maralee Nichols at a time when she and Thompson were trying to reconcile after his first cheating scandal. Nichols gave birth to her son with Thompson in early December and filed a lawsuit, asking Thompson for child support.
In our next class (in front of 35 other students), my French teacher called the 6 of us in front of the class. She was not happy and was holding our quiz papers in her hand. At that moment, I realized she knew. Also, at that moment, I realized that the best way for us to calm her down is to come clean and admit our mistake rather than denying it. As such, I quickly admitted upfront that I cheated and convinced my friends to admit we have cheated as well. There was no way out for us, except doing the right thing this time. We apologized and we also promised that we would never do it again. I will always remember that she told us that in her days whomever cheated used to wear a cheater sign for the whole year around the school.
(2) She never really broke us apart during the class time (again only during her quiz/exam time). She understood that we as friends (a team) were doing great together; we enjoyed our time together and we never did anything wrong during the class time, but we needed to work on our integrity more when it came to quiz time. e24fc04721
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