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I assume M\u2019s baby dichotomy has to do with her working out conflicting impulses. I get it; I have them all the time. Many of my own concern how I feel about my 71-year-old face. On the one hand, I like my face; on the other, I don\u2019t altogether like what\u2019s happening to it, mostly the lines around my mouth and the sagging along my jaw.

In conclusion (I made myself write that so I\u2019d come up with a reasonable suggestion where I\u2019m not sure there is one), I\u2019m finding that when it comes to the good baby/bad baby feelings about my face, the kinder I am to bad baby, the happier I am. Meaning, I won\u2019t throw her out with the bathwater even if it feels like she\u2019s going to spontaneously combust. Instead, I\u2019ll try those treatments requiring the least amount of downtime for the most effective results. As dermatologist Orit Markowitz told me, \u201C[because of improvements in treatment technology] downtime doesn\u2019t necessarily guarantee better results anymore. The focus is on less invasive treatments that help regenerate the body\u2019s natural anatomy.\u201D In other words, treatments that stimulate the growth of, among other things, the collagen and elastin that support healthy skin. Which reminds me that when I was a beauty editor and people asked me if I\u2019d ever have plastic surgery, I\u2019d often say I was waiting for pop-off heads. Maybe that wasn\u2019t so ridiculous after all.

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When your good baby/bad baby conflict deposits you on the side of no treatment intrusions of any kind\u2014also, when it doesn\u2019t\u2014it might be comforting to heed the wise words of writer Katy Kelleher in her Longreads essay about the ugly side of mirrors:

Ira plays tape from an interview that he did more than 20 years ago, with the author Doris Lessing, about her novel The Fifth Child, which tells the story of a woman who gives birth to a goblin-like baby. The archival audio appears courtesy of National Public Radio, Inc.

Producer Jonathan Menjivar tells the story of a bad baby who stopped being bad. At two years old, Comedian Chris Gethard had a knack for dancing on his mother's last nerve. Finally, Chris's father decided drastic measures were in order. Chris just released his first comedy album called My Comedy Album. (12 minutes)

Though the research is still mixed, there may be a link between baby carrier devices and hip health. So parents need to be careful about what products they put their baby in for the first six months of life.

Amniotic band syndrome (ABS) occurs when the lining of the amniotic sac is damaged during pregnancy. This creates string-like strands of tissue t in which the fetus gets tangled. These strands (called amniotic bands) may wrap around different parts of the developing body. This cuts off (constricts) blood flow and keeps the baby from growing normally. The constricted blood flow causes a wide range of birth defects. They can be anywhere from mild to severe malformations, loss of limbs or life-threatening problems.

Sometimes, however, ABS causes severe or life-threatening damage that must be addressed before the baby is born. For example, an amniotic band may be wrapped around the umbilical cord or is cutting off the blood supply to a limb. In these cases, fetal surgery may be an option.

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At least a couple of times a month a parent comes in and says they have a Baby Bjorn or other narrow based baby carrier which they were using, perhaps not comfortably but happily using nonetheless, but now they are worried because they heard that it was "BAD", "Bad for their babies hips" or even worse that it was "dangerous". Once a parent even dissolved into tears because they thought they'd damaged their baby. As much as I love the internet, I really wish people would stop using it to scare parents.

It is well past time to bust the myth of the BAD carrier. Time and time again I hear sentences like "I've been told the Baby Bjorn is bad and only the Ergo holds baby correctly". While there are differences between narrow based carriers and more ergonomically designed wider based carriers (of which the Ergo is just one of a great many!)... the most important thing is baby positioning and NOT the carrier they are in. It is more than possible to get good positioning in a narrow based carrier if you know what you're looking for, equally if you simply plonk your child in even the most brilliant wide based carrier with no idea what you are looking for it is certainly possible to end up with a suboptimal carry.

Now let's compare this to the two pictures on the right. Here we have thought carefully about William's positioning, and how to achieve a better position for him. First and foremost we have tucked his pelvis so that his weight is resting on his bottom and not on his inner thighs. To do this Cat literally reached inside the carrier and swept downwards and toward herself to tilt his pelvis such that his bottom is right in the base of the carrier. Then, because the carrier isn't wide enough to continue to support him in this position (he could easily re-straighten from this point), we have used a scarf to support his legs in this "spread squat" position (full tutorial on how to do this here). By supporting his legs so his knees are at least as high as his hips (or higher), he is bearing none of the weight of his own legs and all of his weight is resting quite comfortably on his bottom. The other knock on effect of this more tucked position is allowing his spine to adopt its natural curved c shape and consequently bringing his head to rest comfortably on his mum's chest. The addition of the scarf seems like such a tiny change, but you can see from the photos what a massive difference it makes to how William's body is positioned in the sling, and consequently to his comfort levels. And not only his comfort, the scarf also helps give his Mum support at her waist helping to distribute baby's weight better.

Again the first two pictures (on the left) were taken just plonking William in, and generally putting the carrier on in the manor most parents do if they haven't ever been professionally demonstrated a buckle carrier. You will note the base of the Ergo Omni is much wider and thus William's legs do not hang down. But if you zoom in you will see his knees are pointing downward and his weight appears to be resting on his thighs rather than on his bottom. Likewise, again his back has been artificially straightened out by the carrier. In this has happened in part because his pelvis is not tilted toward his Mum, and partly because the waistband is too low with respect to Mum - which has ment baby is too low and due to this is straightened out as Mum tightens the straps.

Don't get me wrong here - I am not suggesting we all go out and buy Bjorn Originals! There are big big differences between narrow and wide based carriers, in terms of how easy it is to get a great positioning for your baby and a comfortable carry for you. And in terms of how long those carriers will last you. Most narrow based carriers such as the Bjorn Original only really work from around 4-6 weeks until around 5-6 months after which they generally become too heavy and too uncomfortable even with the scarf trick. Whereas the vast majority of wide based carriers will last well until around 2-3 years of age. In fact you can just how well they fit a 3 year old here. These wide based carriers do vary in terms of how well they fit a newborn, with many working best from 4-6 months but there are an increasing number on the market that do fit newborns well such as the Ergo Adapt, Ergo Omni, Izmi, Mamaruga Zen sling and Tula free to grow to name a few. Hence I would always advise anyone purchasing a new buckle carrier to purchase a wide based carrier.

However, many people are given second hand carriers by friends, and often these are narrow based carriers such as the Bjorn Original (in fact, I would say nearly 50% of the time someone brings a sling that they have been given to one of my sessions its a Baby Bjorn Original!). While I wouldn't advise spending money on one of these, anyone who is given one shouldn't feel bad using it. Yes it won't last as long as a wide based carrier, and yes it won't be as comfortable for you as a wide based carrier but it does give you a flavour for carrying your baby! Following the advice above will make it more comfortable for you and your baby and gives you time to see how carrying your baby works for your family and how it can help you and then you can spend the money on buying your own carrier safe in the knowledge this is something that you'd like to do! In fact, I have worked with a great many parents who have used a newborn sling such as a stretchy wrap or a Caboo around the home for the fourth trimester period, then used a gifted Bjorn for a couple of months for out and about when their little one is starting to grow out of the stretchy or Caboo developmentally and then move onto a wide based buckle carrier around 5-6 months when baby fits into these better. Moral of the story - used correctly with a little help from a scarf, a narrow based carrier can have a time and a place.

There is no such thing as a "Bad Carrier", only poor positioning or a carrier that that doesn't fit well. No matter what carrier you have (or if you haven't bought one yet) the best thing you can do, is go along to a sling library or visit your local consultant and get advice on how best to fit your carrier to you and baby. ff782bc1db