These songs, found at turning points of my life are the panorama of my coming-of-age, and revisiting the reasons why has reminded me what troubled times makes easy to forget: that womanhood is a language, a shared experience that is often thankless, but always, always - Play with Spotify, Deezer, SoundCloud & YouTube
Where cinema dealt blow after insidious blow to what little I knew of self-worth, and literature often pursued that tendency to glamorize problematic characters, it was music that saved me in the end.
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The women I listened to spoke their truth in their own voices: and what a voice it was. They were rougher around the edges, less glamorous; in some cases, even intentionally off-putting. This, because they had something to say, and could not care less about being proper or nice while they were doing it.
These songs (one for every year of my life) are the panorama of my coming-of-age, and revisiting their meaning has reminded me what troubled times make easy to forget: that womanhood is a language, a shared experience that is often thankless, but always, always worth it in the end.
I fell in love with Cat Power from the very first notes of this song, and almost fifteen years later, this love has only grown. She has spoken my anxieties and loneliness without irony or condescension through the ambivalence she herself presents: the violence and turmoil in her personal life, the many ferocious battles she wages with herself, and the shockingly gentle way with which she translates this in her music. This song is like holding water, in that it tries to pin down something fleeting, but no less powerful than those that describe concrete sentiments. It expressed the uncomfortable and often ignored truth: that everyone, no matter their status or privilege, is allowed to feel terrified and aimless, and I have needed to hear this more often than I can emphasize.
Like Jenny Lewis and Aimee Mann, Elisabeth Yndestad writes as if she has access to your soul. Like a sign from the Heavens, I heard this one at three key moments in my life, and came out of it making choices I would have previously shied away from. Every single line is something I have said to myself before, and to hear it aloud from someone else's lips is always momentarily breathtaking. It is self-awareness itself, infusing me with a clarity I still struggle to put into words, especially when mental illness threatens to cloud it deeply.
Like Cat Power, Neko Case has mastered the art of transforming private, subtle pain into a rallying cry for something shared and universal. This gorgeous song about loneliness and anxiety has touched me in more ways than one: namely, by teaching me early on that there could be strength in honesty, in owning my pain. I could make it into searingly beautiful art if I only had the courage to meet it halfway.
As such, I often have nightmares where I am just crying in my dreams. On hindsight, I attribute these nightmares to the overwhelming negative emotions I feel just before I fall asleep listening to sad songs.
These words become your script in living out your life, and they affect your outlook on life. For instance, in my excessive indulgence in sad songs over the years, I would listen to sad songs and vent by crying.
For one, I have better sleep hygiene as I no longer listen to songs well past my bedtime. I also no longer try to identify with the sad songs, making my whole day or whole life feel even more depressing.
Our emotional lives are too complicated to either be entirely happy or entirely sorrowful. At every moment of our day, thoughtful review reveals reasons to either rejoice or mourn. When you grieve over circumstances or mourn over sinful tendencies, lament responds by recognizing those evils and bringing them to the only One who can help.
Simply watching the daily news or interacting with the cities in which we live provides innumerable opportunities for lament. While each circumstance differs in proximity to you, every instance of sin should make us grieve. Expressing sorrow is a part of being a faithful witness to the current brokenness of our world. In this sense, we are grieved because we are caught between Eden and New Jerusalem. Lament brings that sorrow and grief to God.
Because of the sin and brokenness of our hearts, we have reason to lament. And because of the sin and brokenness in our church and world, we have reason to lament. Most of all, because of the love of our rescuing God, we have an invitation to bring our mournful sadness as protest and appeal to our God. The God who invites our laments can rescue us. And he most certainly will.
I was surprised that my favorite music streaming service has a playlist called Sad Songs. I wondered: Why would anyone want to listen to a bunch of sad songs? I assumed that sad songs make you sad, and everyone would rather be happy than sad. So it made no sense that anyone would want to listen to a sad song playlist. But when I listened to the playlist, I discovered that it includes many of my favorite songs, and I really enjoyed listening to it. So what is it that makes sad songs so appealing?
The pleasure of engagement with intense negative emotions can be explained using the semantic pointer theory of emotion that Tobias Schrder and I have developed. On this account, emotions require neural processes that bind together representation of the situation, perceptions of physiological changes that take place in response to that situation, and cognitive appraisals of the relevance of the situations to your goals. When you experience sad songs or tragic fiction, you may experience some of the same physiological reaction that occurs when you yourself are in bad situation, but the cognitive appraisal is very different. After all, the sad song, tragic drama, or horror movie is not about you, and therefore is not a threat to your own goals. In fact, the realization that the current state of your life is not sad, tragic or horrific can give you a feeling of relief and perhaps even happiness that you are not suffering in the same way that the singer or actor is. So the emotional engagement that the sad song provides usually comes without personal threat.
All of these songs combine original music, appropriate lyrics, and superb performances to evoke intense emotions. So it does not matter whether a song is happy or sad, only whether it has an emotional impact on the listeners. People are happy to like sad songs, just not boring ones.
Paul Thagard, Ph.D., is a Canadian philosopher and cognitive scientist. His latest book, published by Columbia University Press, is Falsehoods Fly: Why Misinformation Spreads and How to Stop It.
Whether it's the lyrics, the melody or the accompanying music video, everyone has that one song (or, in our case, plenty of those songs) that has the power to crush our souls and make the tears stream down our faces.
When: 2006
What: Okay, we know that Taylor Swift has a whole catalogue of emotional songs, but there was a certain something about her throwback 2006 hit Teardrops on My Guitar that hinted at her being one to watch in the future. The lyrics have always pulled at our heartstrings about a girl attempting to come to terms with the fact that the guy from her high school that she's in love with is in love with someone else.
Sad rating: 9/10
When: 2020
What: Sometimes good memories and remembering your small-town roots can elicit tearful emotions. US Country singer Kelsea Ballerini gets us all in our feels as she reflects on the various pathways of the people from her Tennessee home town. The main jist is that no matter how caught up you can get in the hustle of everyday life, there is always an option for a simpler way of living that can keep you grounded.
Sad rating: 8/10
When: 2017
What: Ever feel like an outsider? Maybe your differences have been ridiculed by others. Well, The Greatest Showman's This Is Me is the ultimate tune about accepting yourself and showing up for yourself in the face of adversity. While this is more of an uplifting and inspirational song, the overwhelming impact of the lyrics has certainly made us shed a tear or two. I mean, case in point: "I won't let them break me down to dust. I know that there's a place for us. For we are glorious."
Sad rating: 8/10
When: 2012
What: Let Her Go by Passenger took over the music industry when it was released with its poignant lyrics of dealing with immeasurable regret after letting someone special go. It's about coming to terms with your decisions and understanding the difficult lesson that sometimes it's too late to make things better.
Sad rating: 10/10
When: 2001
What: Britney Spears may have been continuing her reign as a pop princess in 2001 with this catchy tune about being overprotected, but knowing what we know now about her past life, this song makes us feel especially sad because she was essentially trying to tell us at the time how she was feeling controlled and restricted in making her own decisions.
Sad rating: 9/10
When: 2022
What: Matilda from Harry's third studio album Harry's House is one of our favourites due to its intimately sad lyrics about someone he knew in real life and had likened to the character Matilda from the Roald Dahl book due to their troubled upbringing. The lyrics are cleverly articulated and undeniably despairing.
Sad rating: 8/10
When: 2006
What: If we all wrote a letter to our younger selves, it would probably be incredibly similar to P!nk's Conversations With My 13 Year Old Self. Anything that makes us reflect on our experiences, worries and anxieties over the years makes us emotional, and just the thought of potentially having the chance to tell ourselves at a younger age that things would work out makes us sob.
Sad rating: 9/10 152ee80cbc
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