That is my deepest wish, but it feels like an impossibility. Where will I find people who want that too? How do I start to build this? How do I shape it and make sure everyone understands the vision? I have zero answers for how to do this in my current environment (though these people seem to have figured it out), but I do know that if it is something I long for, God has put it in me.

It is a win for me even to realize that I am feeling lonely and acknowledge the shame, embarrassment, and yearning that comes with that. It is a double-win for me to be able to say it out loud. With sharing comes vulnerability and with vulnerability comes intimacy.


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After spending the last year researching and writing my new book, Outsmart Your Smartphone: Conscious Tech Habits for Finding Happiness, Balance, and Connection IRL, I've learned that most of us feel disconnected. What about you? Are you feeling socially connected? (Take this well-being quiz to see how you're feeling.) If not, try some of these 18 strategies to stop feeling lonely.

1. Practice self-kindness. In difficult moments, it's essential to practice self-kindness. Blaming ourselves when we feel lonely is not helpful. So limit your hurtful self-talk, take care of yourself, and just generally give yourself a break. Perhaps a walk in nature or a day at the spa may be helpful for getting yourself into a self-kindness mood.

4. Rethink how you spend your spare time. When we feel lonely, sometimes we just want to retreat into a corner and hide. Other times, our endless to-do list may leave us too exhausted to go out and be social. But opting to stay alone every night with our phones, watching Netflix, or playing on Facebook can really get us stuck in loneliness. We've created a life for ourselves that deprives of us of meaningful social connection, and the only way to get out of it is to start living differently.

7. Be active online. Instead of passively surfing the net or your social media, if you want to go online, opt instead to do something that involves the active participation of other people. For example, you could play games with others, chat about something you care about, give advice on a forum, or have a video call with a friend. The more you interact with others while online, the more connected you are likely to feel.

Instead of focusing on what you can get, shift your focus to what you can give. You could sell T-shirts online to raise money for a good cause. You could ask friends to donate to a charity for your birthday. By giving to others, you take the focus off yourself and do good at the same time, helping you to feel more connected and less lonely.

10. Stop your negative thought cycles. We might repeatedly think about what we could have done differently to prevent ourselves from feeling so alone. We ruminate on the events or people or causes, because we mistakenly believe that thinking about our loneliness over and over again will help us solve it. Unfortunately, it does us no good to get caught up in our thoughts instead of taking the actions we need to feel better.

12. Spend money on experiences. If we're spending all our money on things, we won't have the cash to spend money on experiences with others. And it turns out that spending money on experiences is way better for our mental health. So get creative and think about what you want to do with others. For example, I might go on a canoeing trip, go wine tasting, plan a beach party, or host an arts & crafts night. What group activities might make you feel less lonely?

13. Pay attention to the things that matter. How do we expect to improve our loneliness when we don't know what causes it? It's hard. So it's helpful to start paying attention to the present moment. What are the experiences that make you feel lonely? And what are the experiences that make you feel connected or like you belong? Identifying these moments can help you reduce loneliness, because you can limit your engagement in activities that make you feel lonely and increase your engagement in activities that make you feel connected.

17. Volunteer remotely or in real life. For some of us, it's hard to find people to spend time with, let alone connect with. So we have to find new people. One way to do this is by volunteering for a cause, either remotely or in your town. Just be sure you're working with others. Working on an important problem with others can help you decrease loneliness.

Next time loneliness begins to surface, accept it as it comes. Maybe you put on music and pick up a forgotten sketchpad, flip through old notebooks and rediscover your love of poetry, or simply sit and get in tune with your feelings and personal goals.

How you spend time with others can make a big difference, too. Sometimes, you might just need some company and feel fine watching a movie with a friend or sharing space while working or browsing social media.

The key is in your hands if you want to unlock yourself from the loneliness trap. Shifting your focus from yourself to others is a great way to do it. In a recent UK study, every 2 out of 3 people reported feeling less isolated after volunteer work.

Though many people feel lonely and exhausted working from home, remote work is still the future. According to the 2020 State of Remote Work report, most employees want to keep working remotely. The key to maintaining a healthy WFH lifestyle is to do all we can to remain connected: to ourselves, our friends, and each other.

Everyone needs social connections to survive and thrive. But as people age, they often find themselves spending more time alone. Being alone may leave older adults more vulnerable to loneliness and social isolation, which can affect their health and well-being. Studies show that loneliness and social isolation are associated with higher risks for health problems such as heart disease, depression, and cognitive decline.

If you are in poor health, you may be more likely to be socially isolated or lonely. If you are socially isolated or feeling lonely, it can put your physical and mental health at risk. Adults who are lonely or socially isolated are less healthy, have longer hospital stays, are readmitted to the hospital more often, and are more likely to die earlier than those with meaningful and supportive social connections.

The number of older adults age 65 and older is growing, and many are socially isolated and regularly feel lonely. The coronavirus outbreak in 2020 brought even more challenges due to health considerations and the need to practice physical distancing.

Loneliness and social isolation are different, but related. Loneliness is the distressing feeling of being alone or separated. Social isolation is the lack of social contacts and having few people to interact with regularly. You can live alone and not feel lonely or socially isolated, and you can feel lonely while being with other people.

People who are lonely experience emotional pain. Losing a sense of connection and community can change the way a person sees the world. Someone experiencing chronic loneliness may feel threatened and mistrustful of others.

Social isolation and loneliness may also be bad for brain health. Loneliness and social isolation have been linked to poorer cognitive function and higher risk for dementia, including and especially for Alzheimer's disease. Also, little social activity and being alone most of the time may contribute to a decline in the ability to perform everyday tasks such as driving, paying bills, taking medicine, and cooking.

If you are feeling isolated or lonely a lot of the time, you may want to tell your doctor or health professional. Talking about your health with your doctor means sharing information about how you feel physically, emotionally, and mentally. Describing your symptoms can help your doctor identify the problem.

Make sure to bring up your concerns. For example, let your doctor know about any major changes or stresses in your life, such as a divorce or the death of a loved one. A doctor who knows about your losses is better able to understand how you are feeling. They can make suggestions that may be helpful to you.

Since Carla started having trouble with her vision, she had to give up driving and travels less often. But she still enjoys spending time with her three grandchildren, even though she lives in Maryland and they live across the country in California. Carla reads stories to them on video chat and catches up on how they are doing on social media. She also stays in touch with friends through email and weekly phone calls. Carla feels much happier knowing that she can stay connected with others.

Feeling like you are losing ground to the cost of living leads some people to feel shame. Local entrepreneur Cora Spearman was struggling with such issues until she wrote The Cost of My Cancer, about epic health problems that led to a medically induced bankruptcy, and her recent efforts to rise again.

Do you have a story about the human impact of the cost of living in the islands, whether about you or someone you know? If so, click on the red button with the pencil and share it through Connections, or drop me a note at epape@civilbeat.com.

But don't fret! There are hundreds of thousands of freelancers across the UK who are in precisely the same boat. Feeling isolated is quite a typical predicament for anyone who works for themselves. But how do you stop yourself feeling this way? Speaking from my own experiences, I've put together the following tips to help you tackle isolation and become a happier freelancer.

Renting workspace is an overhead many of you can't afford or will want to avoid. However, getting an office in something like a business centre can be extremely worthwhile. These dedicated spaces often have many other small firms, and that means you won't be alone. Plus separating work from home life is always a positive step. Just make sure you're friendly and make an effort to get to know other people in your building. 006ab0faaa

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