no... I am a pear.

Dave the Pear

Hi, I'm Dave... and I happen to be a pear. There are few actual pictures of me online that aren't this green guy here... it's just the way things are!

Deal with it!

I am no longer on any social media, I am basically offline now.

The lights are out... there's nobody home. I've reached the end of the Internet. I give no shits...

Did your CD/DVD drive stop working or disappear? Try this: FIX!

Did you ever wonder what that jibberish at the bottom of my emails were? CLICK!

CCleaner is still a good program to clean the crap out...



Basically anyone who believes tr*mp is a deity sent by another deity. If you are a trumping Trumpologist...

GO FUCK YOURSELF! oh, and don't forget to fuck off when you're done!

Outside Dogs

Why do you bring a dog home and tie it up in the yard? What the fuck is wrong with you? It sits outside day and night barking! Barking in the rain, barking in the snow, barking in the cold, barking in the heat of summer!



Why are you over-emphasising your "S" sounds? Or better still, actually change the sounds words have just so you can hiss more, like the word "NEWS" being pronounced "NOOSE". That'sssss ssssso... sssstupid!


People that use "whenever" as a specific time... "whenever I was 6 I was in daycare"

Are you often 6 years old? You might want to get that checked out by a licensed psychiatrist...

People unwilling to learn how to use contractions...

Your & You're - There, they're, their... they don't even sound the same!

These are not the same you're and they're. It's not an abbreviation, don't try to convince me otherwise..

People unwilling to learn homonyms

The difference between to, too, two, and there, their, and they're are significant!

The same thing for loose and looser, lose and loser.

Your mom is loose and she keeps getting looser, you may lose yourself in there, you loser!

People that consistently spell words wrong, especially after seeing it:

Q: How is your satellite reception?

A: my satilite is not working

...and neither is your brain.

People that lysdexically muck up words...

my favorite at the time of this writing is "Motzilla Foxfire".

Where did the T come from? Why can't you see that it's Firefox? What's wrong with you?

What internet provider do you have? And the reply is whatever their homepage in the browser is set to. Sometimes their browser or operating system! MSN, Yahoo, Google, Windows, or "Motzilla Foxfire"...

Some of my dearest friends do this... People that put an R in words where they do not belong. Warsh (wash), Warter (water)... and my new favorite Terlit (yep, toilet).

That's pert'ner stupid! One of my friends says when he washes things, they're not as clean, so he warshes them...


People that use "sit there" (and do things) when they're clearly standing... "How can you just sit there and be so stupid?"

Because I cannot STAND to listen to you! Let us not forget about those that "turn around" too much, it makes me dizzy!

People that just make up their own words

Trumpian? Heard this on the news: "thuh wooter from thuh crick floodin' warshed away the showder an' some uh thuh payment."

I heard this on the news! That's eXspecially stupid!

Newscasters that cannot pronounce the cities they're reporting on

Pueblo is not p'yoo'blow. Wichita is not wih'cheetah. Pierre is not peer. A nu-cu-ler bahm hit Pube-Lo!

maybe the news should hire people with an edjuhmuhcayshen!


oh piss off! I know where your hand has been!