Empathy Busters
Empathy Busters
What’s the opposite of empathy? In this activity, your students will learn about common “empathy busters” so they can avoid them in the future.
First, introduce your students to these empathy busters using the mnemonic device S.U.D.S.:
Solving the problem
Examples: “I’ll fix it.” “I’ll talk to her.” “I’ll get you a new one.”
Many people make this mistake when trying to comfort a friend. It’s common to think everything would be fine if we could just solve the problem! Problem solving is a useful skill, but the timing must be right. What is helpful initially when another person is upset is simply expressing empathy, validating the other person’s feelings, and inviting him or her to talk about his or her feelings. Rushing to solve the other person’s problems often makes the person feel as if his or her feelings are being dismissed or invalidated.
Unsolicited advice
Examples: “Well, if I were you. . . .” “I think you should. . . .” “Why don’t you just. . .?”
Again, offering advice right off the bat is not usually helpful or welcomed by a friend who is hurting. Instead, wait for advice to be sought. In the meantime, express empathy and actively listen. Just be there.
Dismissing feelings
Examples: “It’s not that big a deal.” “You shouldn’t feel that way.” “Get over it.” “That’s no reason to be upset.”
This response makes it seem as though the person is wrong for feeling a certain way. Feelings aren’t right or wrong—they just are.
Sarcasm
Examples: “That’s just such a tragedy!” “Oh, it’s just the end of the world…” “Boo hoo, what a shame.”
Sarcasm will make an upset friend feel put down and/or misunderstood.
Activity
Once you’ve introduced the empathy busters, ask each child to write a short story describing a situation or event during which he or she became upset. Then, have students tell their stories while a peer expresses either appropriate empathy or an empathy buster. Encourage the other students to compare the expression of empathy busters versus real empathy. Ask the students who tell their stories to discuss how it felt to receive empathy versus empathy busters.