Coaching Older Children with Aggressive Siblings

The biggest guidance for any child comes from the parents. The way you put yourself as a model will be a factor in the development of your child. So, if you are empathetic and kind to your children, especially the younger ones, the older will tend to learn it from you. Nevertheless, the older children might not be able to stay calm when the younger ones would run over their toys and make a mess of everything the older children love. And, the response of older children might not be literally the empathetic one. But, the way they have been taught about the empathy would still play a role, even during the sessions of aggression.

With the right coaching, you can expect your older child to respond to younger child’s aggression in way you would want. For instance, he would hopefully avoid hitting back the younger child, but he would prefer leaving the room holding his toy. Nevertheless, you should not do the same with your younger kid because he will start feeling being abandoned. Siblings have different kind of chemistry among them.


Empathetic behavior is attributed to the habit of giving up. If your older child has the habit of giving up things for the younger one, the fight is probably going to be over most of the times. This is what you need to teach your older kid in a practical way by dealing with the younger kid.

Proper teaching

You need to tell your older kid that younger one would hit when he would be upset about anything. So, you can urge the older one to be ready to help the younger fellow. The elder one has to understand that the only way to stop the young sibling from hitting is to ensure him that he is being helped.

Do not hesitate in acknowledging

While you are teaching the elder child regarding how to deal with the younger one, do not be hesitant in being empathetic and acknowledging about the elder child’s efforts. Remember, children are children; and the elder one is still too young to give up the wish for playing with a particular toy which the younger one wants to play with too. In this scenario, if your acknowledgement is not working, you can simply get another toy of same shape and color so everyone gets the same thing.

Teach your child to use words

Sine older child is a still a kid who wants to play with the toys; it is highly likely that any grabbing attempt from younger child might meet with a response in which the elder one would start striking fists. You need to teach your elder child to stop giving such response. Your elder child can say, “Hey, I was using that. No grabbing.