Journal

// Currently On Imperium at all times \\

If you are reading this:

Congratulations, I am either dead or I trust you enough to go through my shit. If you are looking through this and I didn’t give you permission, enjoy because this will be the last thing you read.

WHO AM I? WHY CAN’T I REMEMBER?
I AM J̴͓̜̯̇̈́͋̽́͌̇.̸̡̖̞̯͊̃̍̀̓͆͐̚J̵̆͋͛̂̚͜.̵̗̝̩̠̟͑̈́͋͋̕ͅ ̴̝̠̤̭̃̔̌́͝Ć̶̯̙͖͐͌̆̐͜Ó̷͍̙̂̉̒̕͝N̶̆̑͗̎̾̾̂̄ͅṈ̷̢̧͈̩͓̰́͑E̴͈͚̩͖̲̳͉̋̎̋̉͝Ŕ̸̨̰̝̼͓̮̘̖̉

I AM ‘IMPERIUM’.

The entire reason I am making this is because I cannot share what I am going through with anyone. Not even my most trusted friends. This is to get my thoughts on paper, and to understand what is going on inside my own head. Yes I am doing therapy on myself with no prior training or knowledge. Let's see where this takes me.

A little background about me:

I was born in Mankato. Nice city, the winters were the best. But it was all overshadowed by my family. I was beaten by my father frequently. My mother just watched, laughing when I didn’t fight back. My brother was always the favorite. Getting what he wanted when he wanted. And everything was my fault. By the time I was 16, I had pretty much grown up without them. I ended up living in a shitty room that was infested with mold and rats. Unless there were guests over, then I was also an angel. When I hit 18 I immediately moved away to Alabama. Once I was there I grew connections. By 19 I was able to get a fake ID as well as erasing my old identity completely. My old name is better forgotten, but I will put it here for “posterity” or some shit. My old name was Jacob Soup. My father was Dameion Soup and my mother was Jessica Soup. My brother was Ian Soup. I managed to get my name changed to J.J. Conner and I never looked back. I joined the military as a medic and went on my first tour. I watched as my fellow marines (who had become my closest friends) died, I couldn’t help them. I… I couldn’t do anything but hide behind our overturned humvee. I was waiting for the screams to stop. For the monsters to leave. Then I heard helicopter blades. I thought they were ours but… They were the CI’s, they saved me as one of the entities was about to flatten me with the humvee. I owe the entirety of CI my life. So I joined up. After going through their bootcamp I requested to be transferred to Cell-Omega because it wasn’t far from home, while still being away from America. During my stay with CI I developed schizophrenia and tried to kill multiple members. Including a Blackwatch named Hel (who I suspect is the Dreadnaught named Sana based on the voice). They helped me and I have been fine ever since.

CELL-OMEGA-2

Ever since moving to this new Cell, I have been constantly anxious. I do not belong in the states. I do not exist in the states. I am legally dead. My schizophrenia has developed into DID. NO MEDICINE WORKS AGAINST IT. My other personality is very sporadic and chaotic. I do not understand their goals. They scare me. I cannot control them, and it feels like I am fighting for control over this body. I have left space that I hope will let them write their own ideas. I can communicate with them through talking out loud.

I am starting to lose faith in CI. I have been lied to multiple times. I think they killed “Cook”. Honestly, the foundation has to be better than this. But I will not leave without my brother “Chef”.

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‘IMPERIUM’

Hello… I don’t really know what to put in here… Let's start with my name. My name is ‘Imperium’. It is the name that I go by and have gone by since I can remember, not that I remember a lot… My thoughts in this journal have been sporadic. I could never have thought, much less talk about harming another fellow insurgent. I must have loved this “Cook” person though. And now “Chef”, my supposed brother. How do I take that? Am I supposed to just tell him, “hey it me… Imperium. I guess I am your brother.” God… I can’t even write or say THAT name, how do I say it to him? I could use this note I have… Its crazy what I don’t know. I didn’t even know I hated my parents. What happened to me? How much do I know and not know? W̶̨̭̍̌H̴͔͜͝Y̴̱̎͝ ̶̘̊C̶̡̬̾͝Ǎ̸͙N̸̠͊ ̵͍͍̋Ḯ̶̻ ̴̧̰͂N̵̰̈O̵͖̐̽Ť̶̛̩ ̸̗̋̓R̴̫͍̊E̶̢̛͆M̶̬̄E̸͈͖͌M̴̨̌ͅB̵̰̀͒Ẽ̶̗R̸͖̈͝?̵̠̅ At least I know that Bravo and Alpha command are here for me and the rest of the insurgents. I have gained a new medical license with my (code)name on it… So that’s nice. I can’t remember my dreams. But I am sure that's normal. The Dreadnaughts are nice, I don’t know why some people think that they are scary. It may be fun to join them one day…

S̵̗̉Ë̴͍͉́R̶͇̭͒V̸̼̈́̕Ȩ̵̤͗ ̵͇͇̿Ť̷͈̺H̶̞͉͌̊Ë̷̠̈́ ̸̣̥̓̚I̸̹͂̏ͅN̸͍̲̐̽S̴̭̺̃Ū̸͍͚̊R̶̫͌G̸̺͎͝E̵͚̰͆̒N̴͍̖̄̐Ć̴̳͙͘Y̴͕̓͗.̵̪̥̒̓ ̷̡̞̀Ơ̶̡͚B̵̺̄̈́E̴͍̒̇D̴̖̒̂Ì̵̺̼É̴͚̕N̸̪̑C̵̠͈̑͝È̷̲̹̕ ̵͉͔͂I̵̢̤͂Š̴͍̻̈́ ̵̡̞͋͊K̴̳̄͘E̵̠̐͗Ỵ̸̒.̸̩̄͛ ̶̺͓̅D̸̼͈̑Õ̶̱ ̶͖̺̓N̵̘̤͘̚O̸̺̟͠T̶̙̏̈́ ̶̯͈͋Q̵͇͍̋U̸͙͎̍Ẻ̴̲̺͘S̸͔̕Ṫ̵̼I̸͂͜͝Ŏ̴̖̰Ń̴̙͂,̷͕̾́͜ ̶̲͕̍D̸̙̕ͅO̸̲̬̒̽ ̸͎̭̉̕N̴͎͈̊̀Ö̷̻̤́̉T̴͕̐̓ ̵̺̐D̷̲̓I̵̢͘Ş̷̍͊O̴̮̱̚B̵̰̌̇È̴̹̝̌Ý̴̻͆.̸͇͍̑

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Hello again. I have had some weird stuff happen. I talked to Chef, he said something about my real name. It's so hard to remember what we talked about though… I got accepted into Raven, so that's cool. I had my first dream, in like forever. It was weird… I did something, I punched Ignis. I wanted to kill him. I was so angry, like he did something so bad that no matter what he deserved death. I had a weird run-in with Machina. We talked at the bar while I was playing with my deck of cards… He showed me a trick, and on one of the cards I saw Cook's face, and a comedy mask. I am sure of it.

I remember it all now... Everything. I had a dream and when I woke up it came to me. I remember my name, my real name. The reason I forgot was because I tried to kill Ignis, so they brainwashed me into being the perfect soldier. And I have made them proud. I can't believe that I would have ever done that to a Dreadnaught, much less IGNIS. But what is done is done. I now am keeping a close watch on 'Chef' because he plotted to kill Ignis with me. I am not going to bring it up to command yet just to be safe and not paranoid.

S̵̗̉Ë̴͍͉́R̶͇̭͒V̸̼̈́̕Ȩ̵̤͗ ̵͇͇̿Ť̷͈̺H̶̞͉͌̊Ë̷̠̈́ ̸̣̥̓̚I̸̹͂̏ͅN̸͍̲̐̽S̴̭̺̃Ū̸͍͚̊R̶̫͌G̸̺͎͝E̵͚̰͆̒N̴͍̖̄̐Ć̴̳͙͘Y̴͕̓͗.̵̪̥̒̓ ̷̡̞̀Ơ̶̡͚B̵̺̄̈́E̴͍̒̇D̴̖̒̂Ì̵̺̼É̴͚̕N̸̪̑C̵̠͈̑͝È̷̲̹̕ ̵͉͔͂I̵̢̤͂Š̴͍̻̈́ ̵̡̞͋͊K̴̳̄͘E̵̠̐͗Ỵ̸̒.̸̩̄͛ ̶̺͓̅D̸̼͈̑Õ̶̱ ̶͖̺̓N̵̘̤͘̚O̸̺̟͠T̶̙̏̈́ ̶̯͈͋Q̵͇͍̋U̸͙͎̍Ẻ̴̲̺͘S̸͔̕Ṫ̵̼I̸͂͜͝Ŏ̴̖̰Ń̴̙͂,̷͕̾́͜ ̶̲͕̍D̸̙̕ͅO̸̲̬̒̽ ̸͎̭̉̕N̴͎͈̊̀Ö̷̻̤́̉T̴͕̐̓ ̵̺̐D̷̲̓I̵̢͘Ş̷̍͊O̴̮̱̚B̵̰̌̇È̴̹̝̌Ý̴̻͆.̸͇͍̑

Date - 5/22/24

Hey, I havent written in here for a while... I just never knew what to say. But I'm here now huh. Past months have been a bit of a ride. I got beat up by a Gensec named Winter.... But then he called a draw? I was winning too. And now we are chill? Foundation are weird... At least I showed him what a 'bitch' like me can do! I'm worried about Talongrove. She seems to be working. Like overly so. I feel she is gonna snap at any moment. I'm gonna keep a watch on her. I keep having some headaches. Probably a side effect of the THING, but they arn't bad yet. Just gotta be careful. Same with everyone. I'm thinking of starting checkups on people, just to make sure everyone's health is good.

8/15/24
Hello journal, its been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy. All jokes aside I am having a shitty month. Trust is out the window for me. I don't think its coming back. And I need to prepare for a future without it... I vaguely remember a breakdown I had over it. Cant remember why but I know it had to do with my not trusting something. I gotta get it under control. But how can I trust in my logic or anyones logic. It could be flawed. It could be. It could be. It could be... I just don't know. I started cooking food. Scoliosis taught me a while back. I've been practicing and getting pretty good. I forgot how weird Lux is though... Sent me the weirdest song through my comms.

I also had a run in with Wisp. I don't get why everyone hates her here. She is nice and pleasant. She talked to me, and we fished together. You see this is the kind of stuff we need in this war. Wholesome moments and kindness. We are all humans at the end of the day, fighting for what we believe is right. I say that but they have done some terrible things. Tourture, execute, and extort CI members. But I can't fault a gear for something the machine does.

I have been working with R&D more. Its fun, getting first hand with anomolies. But dangerous. Been having doubts about whether I am any use to the insurgency. I feel that I have given everything I have got and am just running on empty... Hopefully thats not true but I can't stop feeling like it is. We will see in future... Till then, this is Imperium signing off.
"Humans have a need to be controlled."

10/12/24

Wow, has it really been that long? Oh well... Icarus, and Ignis are dead. Ignis died to a sarkic, and Icarus was executed by the chaos insurgency. Terra and Hamburg are MIA too. This shit sucks. Icarus was info breaching and thus had to die. I understand that. But I never noticed how much I would truely miss him. Ignis was also a blow to me... He was the one who set me straight. The one who helped me, but now he is dead...

In other news I met an interesting Insurgent. Cassedy, she is interesting. On one hand, she tried to get captured during a raid. On the other, she seems to firmly believe in the Insurgency and its beliefs. I will have to keep an eye out. From talking with her I learned that she had trouble with her family, like me. Except she was brave enough to kill them... Like I should have.

I talked to a strange Knight. He told me facinating things. He comes from a world called Terra, but he got stuck in a place he called the in between. It went on forever. Its also the bridge foundation uses to get to the forgotten realm. He says Glub Glub pulled him out. I don't think he cares about our war, or our ideals. But he hates the sarkics.

Well thats all folks.

1/20/25

I feel weird.. Different... I cannot quite describe it. My head is always filled, always running. But lately it hasn't. Its like a buzz that hasn't been there. I think I should get checked out. Its just all so weird....

2/18/25

This isn't going to be much... Mainly an information dump. There is a cognito hazard running around base, a name: Billy M. There is also someone called the Ambassador who swings around I guess. I don't know, haven't met him. May be cool to talk to him. Tangent tangent sorry. Point being, there is weird things. The name Paul is thrown around. Some think it means Paul Sycamore. IDK though.
Specifically 'Bye Paul' is written.
Specifically 'Billy M. was here.' Is written

294 has been locked down by Alpha, probably due to talks of L5 going crazy from a drink. I feel like all the puzzle pieces are here somewhere... I just have to find them and place them together.
Def sarkic, has all the markings of one. I just dont see how the name Billy M is a memetic hazard. I'll make sure no one sees this just in case.
Current thoughts: Ambassador = Billy M. Very fucking farfetched but off of what I know it is plausible. I would have to talk to them

Notible things: Medusa said in response to someone talking about Billy M: "The more you know, the more it sees. The more you ask, the more it listens." Which means that it gains power based off of peoples knowledge of it. Which fucking sucks because I wish to learn more about this. Fucking hell.
I really hope to learn more, just gotta pick up the bits and pieces.

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