The dark planet of Vacuus wasn’t actually a planet, it was actually a satellite moon of the planet Natai; only the Vacuns called it a planet. It’s population was miniscule, as the place was a joke among planets for being inhabited by mad scientists and other lunatics. Because no one ever came here, no one knew of its extreme technological advances and discoveries. As a result of their laughable status, the people of Vacuus, who all lived a one large city, didn’t take kindly to its few visitors. That day, for the first time in ages, they eyed a small Gummi Ship carefully as it landed in an empty field to the east. Its door opened and a girl no older than fourteen walked out. She had tried to use a Corridor of Darkness but there was some sort or technology stopping her from creating one on this moon. Two civilians strode toward the ship to “greet” the outsider, with highly advanced weaponry in hand. The sight of her cloak made the men even more cautious.
'You must be lost, little girl,” said one of the men in a deep, guttural voice as he approached the celestial vehicle.
“That, or foolish."
"I mean no harm to the people of the moon of Vacuus,” she told them quietly.
"I suppose it is the latter,” said the second man, his voice piqued with annoyance.
"Please,” she pleaded, “I seek the magician who lives among you. I believe he is a doctor?”
The two men exchanged looks and quickly burst into laughter. “Yes, yes,” said the first man through his cackles. “Our ‘doctor’ is quite the ‘magician’!” This was followed by more fits of laughter.
Xana didn’t know what to make of the jaunty citizens. Her confused face told the two that she was indeed serious and not joking. They stopped laughing and told her that they’d take her to the man’s house.
The trip was long, to the displeasure of the young woman. Everyone stared as she walked by, some more angrily than others. She did appreciate the eerily beautiful landscape of the place. The ground was hard a grey, but the sky held a stunning beauty the likes of which Xana had never seen. Almost half of the sky was lost to the massive black and blue planet Natai. Another moon could be seen even closer to the planet, and a far away sun opposite the planet. The rest of the sky was littered with millions of stars.
“Here we are,” said the second man, breaking the spell the sky had on Xana. “Don’t bother knocking, just go in and go down the stairs to the right, he’s usually in his lab by this time a day.”
She walked in and immediately noticed the enormous statue of an ugly troll that adorned the room ahead. The door was slammed shut, startling her. Goosebumps arose as she wandered through the hallway. The walls were filled with portraits of various men and women in dark robes, brandishing wands or cloudy orbs. She spotted the staircase and went down its creaky steps.
The room below was amazing. It was a lab straight out of a fictional novel; test tubes boiling over Bunsen burners, strangely shaped bottles and glassware filled with a myriad of liquids, fires of all different colors, body parts floating in jars on shelves, hundreds of worn books on wooden bookcases, even some of the cloudy glass orbs she saw in the paintings above. Xana approached the occupant of the room, a curious green-haired fellow in a white lab coat and a surgical mask covering his mouth.
He examined the thick leather-bound book in his left hand as he poured a deep red liquid into a clear one. The pages of the book looked to be thousands of years old and no matter how close she got the writing seemed to be incomprehensible. She noticed a beautiful brown wand made from some sort of wood she could not identify. The details of its ebony handle were intricate and marvelous; the markings were completely foreign to Xana. She reached for the wand slowly.
“Don’t touch that,” the man interjected, his voice muffled by the mask. He hadn’t even looked back to see the girl enter. “It’s incredibly fragile,” He finished the work he was attending to and turned around, lowering the mask. The woman didn’t look familiar so he raised his eyebrow. “Who are you?”
Xana nervously answered, staring at the floor. “My name is Xana… I heard there was a powerful magician living on this-”
“Then you’ve come to the wrong person!” he interrupted furiously. Xana looked up to his face confused, but her confusion turned into shock when she saw his eyes. They were completely empty, no pupils to be found, just white spheres. “I know nothing of any magicians whereabouts! You see, I am a wizard. This ain’t no David Angel or Criss Blaine crap, this is REAL magic!” Xana almost laughed at the insane wizard, but managed to keep her face straight. The man closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry…” he said, opening his eyes and extending his hand. “My name is DrBanxon. Or Señor Cuerpo Caliente, if you’d like,” he added, with a crazed look in his eyes. Xana shook Banxon’s hand, confused and almost uncomfortable.
‘What a strange man…’ she thought. “I like your lab,” she said aloud. “It’s… interesting. What’s this made from?” she asked, indicating the apparently fragile wand.
“Ah, that’s coconut wood,” he replied, a smile on his face.
“Can’t get coconuts from anywhere but Kakaon, and that’s a few lightyears away. It takes a pretty skilled craftsman to take a spherical coconut and make a flat board of coconut wood. Of course I can just use magic and do so instantly. And then I get to eat the coconut! That stuff’s delicious. Don’t even get me started on that milk!” Xana let Banxon rant on about his views of coconuts and their significance on the democratic governmental ways of various planets. “…and it wasn’t until the Coconut Famine of-“
“Excuse me,” she finally interrupted, realizing that the man probably had hours of coconut related topics to cover. “So you’re a doctor, Mr. Banxon?”
His mouth opened slightly and he chuckled. “Everyone mistakes me for a doctor, but I don’t think anyone’s ever called me Mr. Banxon. No, it’s just part of my name you see,” He grabbed the coconut wand and conjured a piece of paper from thin air, then used the wand to write out his name. “Doctor-banks-in. It’s probably pronounced dur-BANKS-in but that’s just stupid,” he looked down at Xana with a confused look on his face.
“I’m sorry, have you told me why you’re here?”
Xana had almost forgotten. “Oh, yeah… I’m here as a representative of the Exiled Order. We’re a group of… well… exiled nobodies. We believe you could be of value to our… goals.”
“And what might those be?” Banxon asked quizzically.
Xana thought about her next words carefully. “To create a safe, peaceful sanctuary for… people like us.”
“Is there a bingo night?”
Xana raised her eyebrows. “We… could start one…” she said slowly.
Banxon beamed at her. “Excellent! So where is it?”
“A little place called Cypher Nihilis. It’s far away, but I’m sure you’ll love our castle.”
Banxon clapped his hands together. “Well, let’s go!” He whispered a few words under his breath and swiped his wand across the room, and everything in it disappeared. He was already halfway up the staircase before Xana could move, so stunned by the wizard’s skill.
“Say, are there any coconuts on that planet?”