Rugger Andres

“Jesus look at the size of him. He’s gotten huge… since when did they start allowing ruggers to start taking roids like that??”

“Apparently he’s not on steriods. They’ve tested him a bunch. There was a whole story about it in the Express. Apparently Andres just got big because of some weird reaction to a new weight gainer he tried”

“Ha! And we’re supposed to believe that? Like just a reaction? Look at him! He looks like the hulk. He’s gotta be… what, at least 150 kilos, probably more. He looks gigantic”

“The paper said was all an adverse reaction to the stuff.. made him swell up..”

“An adverse reaction?! And what kind of adverse reaction makes your muscles blow up like that?? I’ll tell you what kind. The giant steriods injected in to your ass kind of reaction….and Whatever roids he on He’s blown up so big he can hardly run. Look at him, he’s the size of a tank and can barely maneuver… “

“Yeah he has gotten kinda slow”

“…Oh for Christ sakes what did that man do to himself?! He looks like a goddamned gorilla on the field….What did you do to yourself Andres!!….Well, its easy to spot him, at least”

“He definitely stands out.”

“Did that article happen to say what his weight is up to?”

“No, it just said he had swollen up from some bad reaction but that they wanted to still try to put him on the field.”

“Horseshit. You and I know that’s not an allergic reaction, that’s just roids and a little too many trips to a buffet.”

“Either way, you don’t want to get tackled by him at that size.”

“Maybe, but there is such as a thing as being too big for rugby, and that man down there, Andres, he’s grown too godddammed big for rugby. There’s no way he’s under 160 kilos. No way. Look at him, he’s all out of breath. They’re gonna have to pull him. There’s no way they can let him keep playing at that size.”

“Well, this *is* the first time back on the field since it happened”

“What happened is that he turned himself into a overblown monster. You know,  these players today, they’re so obsessed with getting bigger and bigger that they don’t stop to think of the consequences. I mean look, do you think he’s doing a good job down there? He can hardly keep up!”

“Well…”

“Exactly. He can’t even play the game anymore. He’s too damn big. But yet, he probably spent a lot of money to get that huge. And for what? So he could stomp around a field for a few minutes and scare the shit out of the other team? I mean, they don’t even need be scared of him, they just need to outrun him, and that shouldn’t be a problem anymore.”

“Yeah, I don’t know what he was thinking”

…

“And would you look at that. They’re taking the Andres off the field. Looks like I was right, he did get too big to be a rugger. Serves him right. All blown up with roids and then trying to tell us it was some allergic reaction. What a joke.”