I Want to Be Big

I want to be big.

I want to be so big that my size is my most defining physical feature. I want people to remark about my size on a regular basis. I want people I haven’t seen in months to exclaim that I’ve gotten bigger.

I want to be so big that people assume I’m a dumb jock. That all I think about is muscle. That my life is only lifting weights.

I want to be so big that I bring out the insecurities of guys around me. I want to catch people looking at me all the time. I want to catch them looking disgusted. I want to catch them looking with envy. With fascination. With jealously. With lust.

I want to be so big that people to try and tease me for it. Lambaste me as a steroid-abuser. Call me a loser for spending so much time at the gym. Call me self-obsessed. Call me insecure. Call me overcompensating. Call me a freak.

I want to be so big that I hear people say “He’s too big.” “That’s too much.” “I wouldn’t want to look like that.”

I want to be so big that the normal world becomes too small. Be too broad to fit through some doorframes, too heavy for some chairs, too thick for most clothes.

I want to be so big that when I look down, I see chest first. So big that I don’t walk, I lumber.

I want to be so big that I’m always the biggest man in the room. I want to command attention just by existing, even at the gym.

I want to be so big that I regain that amazing feeling of just taking up more space. I want to always the biggest man in the room. I want to be enormous. I want so much mass that people are always shocked by my size.

I want to be big.

____________________

Art and Words by GitBigger