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Life goes on, 2012, I become victim. A report of a drunk man banging on the door of a housing commission unit, the sole female occupant is scared witless. My partner and I attend to this innocuous job, just another drunk trying to get into the wrong house. Far from it, the man was high on alcohol and some kind of drug, his behaviour is strange but we have experience in dealing with intoxicated persons, there is two of us, we have all the Gucci kit and we are ten-foot-tall and bullet proof. It turns to shit in an instant, he manages to grab my thumb and tries to tear it from my hand, he does a pretty good job.
After reconstructive surgery I return to light duties, I am asked again and again by the bosses when will I be back on the road, we need you on the road. After a couple of months of physical therapy my right hand is strong enough to hold my baton and pull the trigger of my pistol and operate the shotgun if I have to. The incident forgotten, or is it.
May 2018, Cruising with my shift partner, equipped with the latest technology for communication, the latest bullet resistant and stab proof load bearing vest, my capsicum spray is new, my Taser is fully charged and my pistol fully loaded, ready for action, ten-foot-tall and bullet proof.
Professionalism takes over, my thoughts crash back to reality and we continue the interview with reassuring words, advising her that all will be well, we will deal with the matter. She calms down and we leave her in the care of a friend convinced that we will save the day. We attend the station to make our action plan.
Eight months have passed since that incident, I got help, thanks to the Sergeant, no thanks to the bloody Police Super. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I have been, and I am still seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I have been unable to work, which is obvious I suppose, but what is not as obvious is why I have been unable to answer a knock at the door, when the phone rings I sit and stare at it willing it to stop, I shake and cringe if I hear a ringtone that is the same as the on-call Police phone. I avoid going out because I might have to help someone (I am after all a police officer and on duty 24/7 even if I am on stress leave). If I do go out, I spend all my time scanning the people around me to identify which one poses the greatest threat to me, where will the attack come from, I am hypervigilant, I analyse every sound, what is it, what could it mean. My sleep is broken by dreams that always end with me mortally wounded, as my eyes close and the light becomes darkness, I hear the sirens, too late!
I want it all to end, the confusion, the anger, the despair, the therapy. I want to run away and hide in the remotest part of the world with no people, just my wife, who has put up with me for through all of my troubles, who has stood stoically beside me, who has weathered my nuclear explosions of anger and rage and who has wiped away the tears and snot as I lay curled in the foetal position.
Gary powerful testament to have cruel and unforgiving life can be there is nothing that will rock you and put you on your ass faster not even time has that monumental earth shattering affect. In law enforcement there is no such thing as black and white none existent. In fact as I am sure you can correlate to first hand its deeper shades of Grey Matter.
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If you want to show your support for these beautiful police dogs, please download the song for .99 cents, dedicated to the K9 Heroes we love! 100% of the profit we receive goes to K9 Armor to give another bulletproof vest.
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