Finding My Way
by Brandon Rowell (Author)
Finding My Way is a powerful coming-of-age novel about Matt, a young man entering college who embarks on a profound journey of self-discovery. At the beginning of the story, Matt appears to have his life together: he’s starting his freshman year, has a girlfriend, and is excited about his future. However, things take a dramatic turn when Matt begins to develop romantic feelings for his college roommate, Jake. These feelings stir an internal conflict, forcing Matt to confront the reality that he is gay—something he has long suppressed.
Matt struggles with his identity, torn between the life he thought he wanted and the one he's discovering for himself. After an intimate confession to Jake, the two begin a secret relationship. Matt is still dating Sarah, his high school girlfriend, but soon realizes he can no longer live a double life. The heart-wrenching breakup with Sarah leaves him shattered, yet it’s a necessary step in accepting who he truly is.
Things take an even more devastating turn when Matt comes out to his parents. His mother reacts with shock but tries to be supportive, while his father outright rejects him, telling Matt to leave and never return. Heartbroken, Matt spirals into a deep depression, turning to drugs to numb the pain. His struggle culminates in a suicide attempt, but thanks to Jake’s intervention, Matt is hospitalized and begins his journey of recovery.
Upon being released, Matt leans on Jake and his friends, who become his chosen family, offering him the love and support he craves but never received from his father. Over time, Matt learns that family isn’t always about blood—it’s about the people who love you unconditionally. Jake, along with a close circle of friends, provides Matt with the strength he needs to rebuild his life.
As Matt recovers, he grows into a more self-assured and confident person. He reconnects with his mother, though his relationship with his father remains strained. With Jake’s unwavering support, Matt finishes college, and the two decide to move in together. Eventually, Jake proposes, and they plan a small, intimate wedding surrounded by their friends—their chosen family.
The novel concludes with Matt finally coming to terms with his past and accepting that, despite his father’s rejection, he is worthy of love. With his husband Jake and a supportive community by his side, Matt finds peace in the life he’s built. He understands that love, in all its forms, is what defines family, and that the relationships he has formed are more than enough to fill his heart.
Finding My Way is a heartfelt exploration of identity, love, and resilience. It dives deep into the challenges of coming out, the pain of rejection, and the healing power of chosen family. At its core, the novel tells a story of growth, self-acceptance, and the realization that true family is defined not by blood, but by unconditional love.
Details:
Ages: 13 and Up
Pages: 521
Language: English
Publication Date: September 29, 2024
Available Formats: E-Book, Paperback, Audiobook
The sun hung low in the sky as Matt’s car slowly pulled into the bustling parking lot of Pinehurst University. The sight of it made his heart race, a flutter of excitement coursing through him. Pinehurst wasn’t just any college—it was his dream school. Nestled in a sprawling campus with historical brick buildings, lush green lawns, and towering oak trees, Pinehurst represented a fresh start, a new beginning. He had spent his entire high school career preparing for this moment, and now, at eighteen, he was finally here.
His parents, sitting in the front seats, shared a glance in the rearview mirror. Matt caught the quick exchange, noticing the slight hint of sadness in his mother’s eyes. It wasn’t easy for them either, he realized, sending their youngest son off into the unknown. Yet, they had always been supportive, always encouraging him to chase his dreams. They had packed the car together the night before, methodically fitting every box, suitcase, and crate into the trunk and backseat until the vehicle was bursting at the seams.
As the car rolled to a stop near the dormitory entrance, Matt took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "This is it," he whispered to himself. College. A world of possibilities stretched before him—new friends, new experiences, new challenges. And, if he was being honest with himself, he was both terrified and thrilled.
“You ready?” his father asked, turning around with a smile that was half-proud, half-wistful.
Matt nodded, gripping the handle of the car door. “Yeah, I think so.”
The moment Matt stepped out of the car, the atmosphere of Pinehurst hit him all at once. The campus was alive with energy—students were everywhere, some chatting with old friends, others awkwardly introducing themselves to their new roommates. Parents lugged suitcases and boxes while campus staff in bright yellow shirts directed traffic and helped with move-ins. It was a chaotic, exciting mess.
His mother, ever the worrier, was already out of the car, stretching her arms and glancing around nervously. “Do you think we parked in the right spot?” she asked, her voice slightly anxious.
“Mom, it’s fine. I’m sure it’s fine,” Matt said, trying to calm her nerves. He didn’t want her to fuss too much. He wanted to look confident—like he had everything under control. After all, this was his moment, his transition into adulthood.
His father, tall and broad-shouldered, gave him a reassuring pat on the back. “Don’t worry about your mom. She’s just making sure everything goes smoothly. It’s a big day for all of us.”
Matt smiled, though the weight of the moment wasn’t lost on him either. He had been waiting for this day for so long, but now that it was here, there was an undeniable nervousness creeping into the pit of his stomach. College represented freedom, but it also meant responsibility. For the first time, he would be on his own—no curfews, no check-ins with his parents, no safety net to fall back on if things got tough.
He tried to push the thoughts away as he joined his parents at the back of the car to help unload. They worked in silence for a few moments, pulling out boxes and stacking them on the curb. Matt’s belongings were a mix of essentials—clothes, bedding, toiletries—and the personal items that made his dorm room feel like home. His mother had insisted on packing extra towels and cleaning supplies, while his father had snuck in a toolkit, “just in case.”
As they stacked the last box, Matt’s mother wrapped him in a tight hug. “I can’t believe this day is finally here. My baby’s going to college,” she murmured into his shoulder, her voice thick with emotion.
“I’m not a baby anymore, Mom,” Matt replied, though he hugged her back just as tightly. He could feel the lump in his throat and fought it down. He didn’t want to get emotional—not yet, at least.
“I know, I know,” she said, pulling back and wiping her eyes quickly. “But you’ll always be my baby.”
His father, trying to lighten the mood, clapped him on the shoulder. “You’ll do great here, son. We’re proud of you.”
“Thanks, Dad,” Matt replied, feeling the warmth of his parents’ pride wash over him. It meant a lot, knowing they believed in him.
With that, they began the trek toward the dorm building, his parents each taking a box while Matt balanced two suitcases in his hands. The dormitory—Robinson Hall—was one of the older buildings on campus. Its red-brick facade was covered in ivy, giving it a stately, almost old-world charm. As they approached, Matt noticed the wide-open doors and the swarm of students and parents moving in and out. The air was thick with the sounds of shuffling feet, the scraping of furniture being dragged down hallways, and the occasional burst of laughter from excited freshmen.
Inside, the dorm smelled faintly of new carpet and industrial cleaner, a strange combination that reminded Matt of the hotels his family stayed in during vacations. The walls were painted a soft beige, and the linoleum floor gleamed under the fluorescent lights. He spotted a few Resident Advisors, easily identifiable by their brightly colored t-shirts, helping students find their rooms.
“Excuse me, where can we find room 306?” Matt asked one of the RAs, a friendly-looking girl with curly hair and a clipboard.
“Third floor, all the way down the hall on the right,” she replied with a smile. “Welcome to Robinson Hall!”
“Thanks,” Matt said, and they headed toward the elevator.
As they rode up to the third floor, Matt’s mind raced with thoughts about his new roommate. They hadn’t met in person yet, only exchanged a few messages over the summer. Jake seemed nice enough from their brief online conversations—he was from Colorado, loved hiking and photography, and was studying environmental science. Matt wasn’t sure what to expect, but he hoped they’d get along. After all, they’d be sharing a room for the entire year.
When they reached room 306, Matt took a deep breath and pushed open the door.
The dorm room was small but functional, with two twin beds pushed against opposite walls, two desks, and a pair of wardrobes. The space was bare, save for the few pieces of furniture, but Matt could already picture how it would look once he unpacked his things. His side of the room would be cozy, with the poster of his favorite band, a few framed photos of family and friends, and the string lights his mom insisted he bring.
Jake wasn’t there yet, so Matt and his parents quickly set to work unpacking. His mother, always organized, took charge of the bedding, while his father focused on the heavier items. Matt organized his desk, carefully placing his notebooks, pens, and laptop in neat rows. The process was surprisingly calming—it gave him a sense of control, a way to ease his anxiety about the massive change that was happening.
As they worked, Matt’s thoughts kept drifting back to the excitement and nervousness he felt. College was supposed to be the time of self-discovery, the moment when he would figure out who he was and what he wanted from life. But as much as he tried to focus on the future, there was a gnawing feeling inside him that he wasn’t entirely ready for what was coming. There were parts of himself he hadn’t fully explored, questions he wasn’t sure he could answer yet.
His phone buzzed, snapping him out of his thoughts. It was a text from Jake.
Jake: Hey, man! I’m heading over to the dorm now. Can’t wait to meet you.
Matt quickly typed back a response.
Matt: Awesome! We’re just unpacking. See you soon.
“Is that your roommate?” his mother asked, folding the last corner of the bedspread.
“Yeah, he’s on his way,” Matt replied. He felt a flutter of nervousness in his stomach. What if they didn’t get along? What if Jake was one of those nightmare roommates you always heard horror stories about?
But before he could dwell on it, there was a knock at the door. His father opened it, and there stood Jake—tall, with sun-kissed brown hair, a friendly smile, and a duffel bag slung over his shoulder.
“Hey! You must be Matt,” Jake said, stepping inside.
“Yeah, nice to meet you!” Matt said, shaking his hand. Jake had a firm grip and an easygoing presence that immediately put Matt at ease.
“These must be your parents?” Jake added, nodding to Matt’s mom and dad.
“Yep, this is my mom, Nancy, and my dad, Tom,” Matt introduced them.
“Nice to meet you both,” Jake said, giving them a warm smile. “Thanks for helping Matt move in.”
“Oh, it’s no problem at all,” Matt’s mother replied, her face lighting up. “We’re just about done, actually.”
“Cool, I’m going to start bringing my stuff up,” Jake said. “Be back in a bit.”
Jake left to grab his things, and Matt’s parents helped him finish up the last of the unpacking. As they placed the final items on the shelves and straightened out the room, Matt’s mother turned to him with a teary smile.
“We’re going to head out, sweetheart,” she said, pulling him into another tight hug. “I’m going to miss you so much.”
“I’ll miss you too, Mom,” Matt said, his voice thick with emotion. He could feel the tears welling up, but he blinked them away. It was hard to say goodbye, but he knew this was the start of something new.
His father, ever the stoic one, gave him a firm handshake, followed by a quick hug. “Take care of yourself, son. And call us if you need anything.”
“I will, Dad. Thanks for everything,” Matt replied, feeling a lump in his throat.
They exchanged goodbyes, and Matt watched as his parents walked down the hall and out of the building. The door closed behind them with a soft thud, leaving Matt alone in the quiet room. For the first time, the reality of his new life began to sink in.
This was it. College.
Matt stood there for a moment, soaking in the silence. The room felt different now that his parents were gone. It was both exciting and a little terrifying. He had waited for this moment for so long, but now that it was here, he couldn’t help but feel the weight of everything that lay ahead.
Just then, the door swung open, and Jake walked in, carrying a stack of boxes. He set them down with a grunt and wiped his forehead.
“Man, I forgot how heavy some of this stuff is,” he said, laughing. “You all settled in?”
“Yeah, just finished,” Matt replied, grateful for the distraction.
“Nice! This room’s pretty cool, huh? I mean, it’s small, but we’ll make it work.”
Matt nodded. “Yeah, I think it’ll be fine.”
As Jake started unpacking, they fell into easy conversation, talking about their hometowns, their majors, and what they were looking forward to most about college. Jake’s relaxed demeanor helped Matt feel more comfortable, and he began to realize that maybe this whole college thing wouldn’t be so bad after all.
“I’ve heard the food in the dining hall is actually pretty decent,” Jake said, tossing a pillow onto his bed. “Want to go check it out later?”
“Sure, sounds good,” Matt replied, grateful for the invitation. The idea of wandering around campus alone had been daunting, but now, with Jake, it felt less intimidating.
As the afternoon wore on, the room slowly transformed into something more livable. Jake’s side of the room was decked out with posters of nature landscapes and a few personal photos. Matt’s side, though simpler, had a few touches of home—his favorite books stacked neatly on the desk, a framed photo of his parents and siblings, and a poster of his favorite band pinned to the wall.
By the time the sun began to set, they were both starving and ready to explore the campus.
“Let’s go grab that food,” Jake said, standing up and grabbing his keys. “I’m dying of hunger.”
“Me too,” Matt replied, feeling a pang of excitement as they headed out the door.
As they walked across the quad toward the dining hall, the campus was bathed in the soft golden light of the setting sun. Students were everywhere, lounging on the grass, laughing with friends, and walking between the towering oaks that dotted the landscape. The air was filled with the sounds of chatter, distant music, and the occasional burst of laughter.
It was beautiful—exactly the kind of scene Matt had pictured when he dreamed about college.
As they reached the dining hall, Matt couldn’t help but smile. The future was still uncertain, but in that moment, he felt a surge of hope. College wasn’t going to be easy, but it was going to be an adventure. And with that thought, he stepped inside, ready for whatever came next.