Please join us in celebrating the release of Newman Bros Camping Trip!  this Thanksgiving while you share a warm moment with the ones you love.

It was the day before Thanksgiving and Well Worn Boot was outside of a Wegmans in the middle of New York promoting their new cooking sauce. The sauce was based on Bug’s family recipe and, very recently, had actually carried The Band all the way to the end of Ramsey’s Rumbles: Brisket Brawl. Although Bug’s Family Sauce was not enough to impress the judges in the finale, regional interest in the recipe was overwhelming. It seemed like everyone wanted a taste.

Hard to believe, but the Wegmans thing was all Wolf’s idea. The truth is that The Wolf had always wanted to be a celebrity chef, and Bug’s Family Sauce gave him a license to grill with Gordon Ramsey for two straight weeks of filming. And after the series ended, he found himself back in the studio with Well Worn Boot talking about snakes, and aliens, and whatever else, and he realized to himself that this just wasn’t it. 

So even though the sauce was already flying off the shelves everywhere, Wolf started calling Wegmans after Wegmans to arrange a time to come and set up a little tent and demonstrate how to make a few different dishes with the sauce. That way, people could show up and ask questions about cooking, and the sauce, and the time The Band had spent with Gordon Ramsey. And Chef Wolf, of course, would answer them all. 

The Band had been hitting a different Wegmans every day for the last two weeks. There were some dishes that went over very well, and others that weren’t so popular. Sometimes it was a surprise. For Well Worn Boot, it was an unusual feeling. For so long, everything they had ever done had been met with universal and overwhelming applause. Cooking, it would seem, was different. 

How can one convey the stakes of the occasion? The greatest band on planet earth on the biggest food shopping night in America outside of the most luxurious grocery store in the Northeast. How would tonight’s dish perform? And what in the world would be on the menu?

“Turkey.” said Chef Wolf. “And potatoes and corn.”

Chef Plainsman was stone-faced as he turned to Chef Bug. “Didn’t you say your Grand Mammy never used her sauce on a bird so big, Buggy?” 

Chef Bug laughed nervously.

“It’s Thanksgiving Eve. It’s got to be turkey. If it’s not turkey what are we doing here?” said Chef Wolf.

“We could do game hen,” Chef Buckingham said. “Probably the smallest cooking bird I’ve ever eaten.”

Chef Wolf was defiant. “It doesn’t have to be a small bird. And we’re not here to make Thanksgiving about game hens, we’re here to sell sauce. Nobody’s gunna buy sauce for Thanksgiving if we’re telling them they have to put it on game hens.” He realized he was being kind of annoying though and softened a bit, saying “and even if we weren’t trying to sell sauce, it’s Thanksgiving. Let’s just do turkey. I planned for turkey, and they’re expecting turkey.”

Chef Cheesy Mouse agreed and, understanding how important it was to keep things positive, responded with a hearty “Turkey, Chef!” 

The Band barked a confident “Yes Chef” in return. 

Chef Wolf took a moment to acknowledge to his soul how fortunate he was to have such an incredible team of friends around him. He knew that they knew the only reason everybody was actually out there in Chef Hats and Jackets was because they knew how much it meant to him, and it was times like these that their connection made him feel the movement of his heart. He smiled, sighed warmly, and headed into the building to pick out the juiciest, most luscious bird he could find.

Chef Wolf heard the screams not two seconds into the foyer. “It’s too much!” people cried. “Ugh!” they said, and “I might just cancel the whole meal!” Asking around, Chef Wolf came to find out that a raw turkey had come to life and was running through the store. He caught a glimpse, and it was true; just a three foot tall headless, de-feathered turkey running through Wegmans on Thanksgiving Eve. 

Not only that, the turkey had moves. It was leaping like a gymnast all over the aisles from the top of one shelf to another like it was nothing at all. For most people, it was disturbing and weird. But for Chef Wolf, it was all he needed to see in order to know for certain that this particular turkey was the one he needed for tonight’s main dish. But how?

Chef Wolf put his carving knife between his teeth and hastily climbed a pyramid of oranges. “If I can get behind him somehow,” he thought, “Or back him into a corner.” He knew he needed a plan, but wanted it to be flexible and was about to fall into decision paralysis when he heard a raspy shout from the direction of the restroom. 

“Toto!” yelled the voice. “Toto you troublesome ape!” By degrees, Uncle Podunk and his nephew Paul Blart Jr came into focus running down an aisle and stopped beneath the turkey. And the turkey, to the surprise of Chef Wolf, stopped right there, too. Then it started to jump up and down and make monkey sounds, and the more it jumped and made monkey sounds, the more and more one could see that a monkey head in a top hat was coming out of the neck hole of the turkey’s body.

“Toto, you chucklin chimp!” Paul Blart Jr had the kind of voice that made it tough to tell if he was angry or kidding. “Look at you, wearing that turkey like it’s Halloween!” 

“If only!” said Uncle Podunk, who was thinking about candy.

“Mah! Mah!” said Toto as he began to wriggle himself from the turkey. “Mah!” Eventually he was out, a monkey in a top hat and his adult human friends shoulder-to-shoulder with the most impressive turkey from which Chef Wolf had ever witnessed a monkey emerge. 

“Too bad,” Chef Wolf said with remorse. He climbed down from the oranges. “I was ready to make that turkey really sing, tonight.”

Suddenly Uncle Podunk gasped. “Oh my god!” he said. “It’s you!” He was pointing at Chef Wolf. 

“Brisket Brawl!” said PBJ.

“Brisket Brawl! Right! The Wolf!” said Uncle Podunk. 

“That’s right,” Chef Wolf said. He felt better. “I’m here cooking tonight.”

“Oh wow, like samples?” PBJ was shocked. “I figure a big time Chef like you would be out cooking for royalty somewhere on Thanksgiving. The way you cook, at least. King of Spain, maybe. I gotta tell ya, Chef Wolf, you were always our favorite part of the show!”

“Always!” added Uncle Podunk.

“And we think you guys got robbed at the end, to be honest, I don’t wanna make it a thing, but that finale was ridiculous.” PBJ said. 

“Ninety minutes really isn’t a lot of time for a finale like that” said Uncle Podunk. 

“It’s not!” PBJ agreed.

“The sauce has got to SIMMER!” said Uncle Podunk. “And the judges know it!”

“Anyhow,” said PBJ as he hoisted Toto over his shoulder. “I think that even if I were the President, I’d probably never want anybody to cook me a Thanksgiving dinner more than you. You’re Michael Jordan for me. It’s been great to meet you, Chef Wolf. We’re headed back to the RV now. Gotta bunch of kids to drop off. Big campin’ trip last night. They all love you too!”

Chef Wolf was so touched by the kindness of Paul, Podunk, and Toto that his voice shook as he spoke. “Look, I don’t want to do anything tonight but head outside and round up all my best friends so we can make an incredible Thanksgiving dinner for you, and you, and your monkey, and every single kid in your RV.” He didn’t need to be a celebrity chef anymore, he thought. He just needed food and some people who loved him. He wiped a tear from his eye and picked up the turkey Toto had been wearing. “I just want to get a hose for this.”

The End

Listen to Well Worn Boot at https://wellwornboot.bandcamp.com/