ME – Main Character, Detective.
CLAUDIA – Childhood Friend, Afflicted.
“Ghosts do not exist. They are but a product of the human imagination, as are all the other supposed paranormal entities.”
That is a statement proven true time and time again, and it has been globally accepted for centuries. However, there are still people who keep denying the undeniable.
Me?
I’m not one of them. You’ll find me dead in the ground before I admit to their existence. Actually, I have had so much experience with supernatural entities that I can say without the shadow of a doubt that they do not exist. All events related to the supernatural are, without exception, tricks our minds play on us, with the simplest possible explanations.
However.
Yes, even with that said.
As much as I loathe everything that can’t be explained with logic and hard facts, common sense is indeed the least common of senses. Or maybe it is my definition of “common sense” that is flawed, and that’s the reason it is so uncommon in my surroundings.
It’s almost been a year now since people have started coming to me with seemingly absurd, illogical “supernatural issues”, every one more stupid than the previous.
And, inevitably, solving these issues has granted me an undesired reputation as an “exorcist” of sorts.
An unpleasant thing to be known as, certainly. Especially for someone whose only desire is to finish his high school education and move on to pursue his life-long dream of being a movie director.
Regardless, this time I shall tell one of many tales featuring paranormal happenings, in the hope that they can at least be entertaining to whatever audience they find.
There’s no particular reason why I chose this story in particular, nor do I remember it especially vividly, save for the beginning and end of it.
It was 2:45 PM, school had just ended and I could not wait to get home and devote myself to my usual procrastination.
Just as I thought of playing videogames, watching TV or any mundane thing of the sort, I felt someone shouting at me from behind.
Or well, maybe they were calling out to someone else – I thought before that hope shattered the moment I realized who it was, and the fact that there was nobody else in that direction.
The closest thing I ever had to a female childhood friend was right there, running towards me with a worried expression on her face.
When she finally reached me and started recovering her breath, I was too dumbfounded to say or do anything. Actually I wouldn’t notice until later that I had stopped walking.
After all, she had spent months without ever talking to me in person.
And it had been my fault, exclusively mine, so mine that you’d wonder if anyone else was even involved – which they definitely were. But that’s a story for another day.
“Please, I need you to come with me”, she said.
“What is it?! What happened?!”
“No need to be so worried before I’ve even said anything. I just need your help is all.”
“… Okay, I’m sorry. What do you need?”
“You’re not going to like it… It’s another one of those. How did you use to call them… ‘Paranormal nonsense’ or something.”
“… You should know better than anyone, better than me even. Those don’t exist.”
I was ready to turn around and leave her there. I wanted nothing to do with any of that stuff if it wasn’t unavoidable.
“Please. I know they don’t exist, and that’s the reason I’m asking you. Please.”
…I wanted to refuse. But. She was trusting me, just like she had back then.
Maybe this time I would be able to not let her down.
I accepted, reluctantly.
***
Ten minutes later, I was entering her home – an average sized apartment in a five-story building.
“Excuse the intrusion…”
A middle-aged woman I knew well enough by now welcomed me. She was, of course, my friend’s mother. Her face was that of someone who had been crying recently, although her attitude didn’t show it in the slightest. Now I really wondered what the heck was happening to them.
“Welcome! It’s been a while since the last time you came.”
“Yes, I’ve been pretty busy… But today your daughter came looking for me needing help. Has something happened?”
“I’ll let Claudia explain. After all, I’m sure she’ll do better than I could.”
She left us all alone as she went to cook something.
...
She wasn’t doing us as big a favor as she thought.
Regardless.
I asked Claudia to explain.
I just wanted to finish quickly, honestly.
“Starting a few days ago, a few items with no apparent commonalities have been disappearing in the house. They just vanish out of nowhere. My two little brothers, my parents and me have all been affected by this.”
“Are the items of any particular importance or value?”
“They are all things we would never want to lose, though their exact nature and monetary value isn’t consistent at all. They just seem picked at random.”
“And you are sure this isn’t just bad luck, or you people not searching properly.”
“I am.”
… I’ll trust her, I decided.
I began my investigation.
I got Claudia to make me a list of all the missing objects with a brief description for each.
And I started looking for cl- oops.
I should probably say hello to everyone while I do that, I reminded myself.
Since I apparently had to examine every room for missing objects save for the bathrooms, I would inevitably come across the rest of the family in the process.
***
The investigation proceeded smoothly.
One by one, I went checking the spots where the objects should have been placed.
And as Claudia had told me, they had no relation between them whatsoever, or at least none that I could discern with the information I had.
The list included books, videogames, pictures, toys, tableware, and some more than I feel no need to mention.
What stood out to me, rather than the objects, their locations, or their apparent lack of connection, was the mood of the different members of the family when I went to meet them.
Claudia’s father, not unlike his wife, showed signs of having cried not long ago – although these signs were much less noticeable in him than they were on Claudia’s mother. He wasn’t in a very bad mood, however, as he insisted on chatting with me for a while, as well as giving me something to eat – since it seemed I wouldn’t be getting home in time for lunch. Which I had already, preemptively, informed my parents about with a text message.
The kind man appeared to find our idle talk relieving, but after that was over, he kept on with the work he was apparently doing.
Claudia’s two little brothers, who were so similar to one another that I could not help but wonder how many times I had confused them before, were the most upbeat out of all of them. According to Claudia, this had all started not even a week before, so they either didn’t pay any mind to the disappeared objects after the first few days, or they hadn’t noticed yet.
Overall, it felt nice to meet all these people after so long.
It was also a strangely nostalgic experience, the way Claudia’s family welcomed me as if I was an old friend of theirs. They all gave me the same treatment save for one exception – Claudia’s grandmother, who I hadn’t known was living with them.
“She’s my grandma. She has been feeling very tired recently, so she’s asleep right now. Please don’t bother her unless absolutely necessary.”
Claudia commented that as we walked by her bedroom’s door.
“I understand.”
And so the most I got to see of the grandmother was the small peek I got into her bedroom through the half-open door.
***
Other than saying hi to my old friend’s family, which felt refreshing after so long, there wasn’t much else to distract me from my main task.
After a little over twenty minutes, I had finished examining every single place where objects had gone missing. My objective being to go back home as soon as possible, I didn’t wait around to tell Claudia that I was finished; rather, I was almost running when I went looking for her.
“My investigation has concluded. I’ve looked everywhere I needed to, and seen everything I had to.”
I told her, to which she reacted with a surprised expression, probably shocked that it had taken so little time. It was true that my usual investigations tended to took longer.
“So? Did you reach a conclusion? What is happening to us?”
She seemed too overexcited for her own good, though I don’t blame her. I actually found it a relief. So I didn’t beat around the bush.
“I have got my conclusion, and I will tell you right now.”
Her eyes glowed in expectation.
“Every object you’ve lost… is exactly where they were before. They haven’t moved an inch.”
And just as quickly, her face turned into one of sheer disbelief. I couldn’t help but feel somewhat sad for her, although I tried to hide it.
She, and all her family, had been victims of their priceless possessions disappearing before their eyes, while in actuality they were just there, as always. Can’t imagine that being any reason for happiness.
“But… that can’t be… How? Why are we not noticing? There has to be a reason, right?”
“Yes, there is. Undoubtedly. And it is bit by bit the action of one of those so-called ‘paranormal entities’ you know are false. But as is tradition and because I consider it a nice pastime, I came up with a name for the ‘entity’ that possesses you all.”
“… Do say it.”
“The Blind Butterfly.”
“Huh? Why a butterfly of all things?”
“The butterfly is often associated with the mind, the psych and, above all, change. The blind part is pretty self-explanatory. And since the issue is related with your ‘minds’ and ‘change’, I considered it most appropriate.”
“…? I don’t understand. How is this issue related to change?”
“You’ll see soon enough. Please have a bit more patience.”
“Okay. Also…”
“Yes?”
“Thank you so much for your help. You don’t know how much this means to us.”
“If you keep talking like that, I’ll get the wrong idea.”
“…? What are you talking about now?”
“It’s nothing. Don’t mind it.”
It would have been pretty anticlimactic if she had noticed what I meant, so I decided not to press the issue any further. If I did, all the foreshadowing may be for naught.
“What I do want you to do for me”, I followed up, “is gathering everyone in front of your grandmother’s room. I’ll explain everything there, but I’d prefer it if I only had to say it once. Is that okay with you?”
“Yes, of course. Although… is it impossible to do it in any other place? I really don’t want to bother grandma… She’s very sick, and I absolutely do not want to disturb her…”
“It’s a must. I’m really sorry, but it's not a thing I can concede on. The truth behind this affliction that pains your family must be revealed.”
She didn’t want to agree, I really knew she didn’t want to. But I was not going to give up on that one. After all, this was my ‘job’, and if I had to do it even when hating it, I’d do it right. No concessions allowed.
After staring at her in silence for a few awkward, very awkward seconds, she agreed to do as I said. ‘You’re the expert, after all’, she said.
***
A few minutes later, everyone was already gathered in front of the grandmother’s room. We were a tad too many people for a space so small, but it would suffice.
As I carefully stood right next to the room's door, the father asked me the question that everyone must have had in their minds at that moment.
“And… what are we supposed to do here, exactly?”
His voice was a whisper, just loud enough for me to hear it clearly in the otherwise completely silent apartment.
I was pretty sure that, deep within them, they knew what that ‘truth’ I was about to show them was. Their nervousness spoke volumes.
“I’m going to tell you how to exorcise the being that haunts all of you. As I am sure your daughter has already told you, it’s a being I have decided to call the blind butterfly.”
My reply was spoken in a similarly quiet tone, if mostly for the sake of respect.
"And must we do this here of all places? I would very much prefer if we didn't disturb my mother-in-law with our chatter."
His tone surprised me. It was obvious he was struggling to keep his tone down, and that he meant those words as a threat. Still, not like I could do anything.
“You will be freed from the curse you all possess right now, but for that, doing exactly as I say is a must. I will also have to – and I won’t sugarcoat my words here – slap each of you once."
“…”
They were all speechless, as was natural. I would actually have been worried if they agreed to it just like that.
“I assure you it is necessary. But please don’t worry, I obviously have no intention of hurting any of you. It’s a formality, if anything, but one that cannot be skipped.”
“… Okay, so be it.”
He then reluctantly agreed to my terms, and with the rest remaining silent, I interpreted that as everyone being fine with me proceeding.
I got closer to them, and commanded them to close their eyes and follow my orders without fail.
“Now you will all enter the room in front of us with your eyes closed, and I will proceed to slap all of you. After I finish, I will tell you that you can open your eyes. Until then please do not open them under any circumstance.”
I proceeded.
One after another, as I helped them enter without stumbling, I slapped them all, as gently as possible.
And once I finished, I spoke again, this time at a normal volume.
“Now, please, open your eyes.”
And there they saw the bed, empty, as they stared in shock and realized the “truth”. That their grandmother, who should have been right there - was no longer among them.
***
“Thank you so much for your help, really. What you have done for us and how thankful we are is not something we can simply express with words.” Claudia spoke to me with tears in her eyes.
“It’s nothing. I literally did nothing, as you surely know. So no need to thank me.”
“Still. I know, but still…”
She came close.
…
She couldn’t do it.
I didn’t expect her to.
But it was still somewhat painful.
She waved at me as I left, tears on her face and a smile on her lips.
“Goodbye, and see you tomorrow at school.”
BLIND BUTTERFLY: THE END.
ME: Narrator
NICK: Friend, Messenger
PHILIP: Kid, Afflicted.
I know full well how many times I’ve said that my hobby as a supernatural expert is nothing but a bother.
Even then, saying that I actually believe that would be kind of a stretch. Most times, I do enjoy helping people with their issues, and it’s a nice change of pace from my boring school life. Believe it or not, some incidents are genuinely very hard to solve, and they give me a much-needed excuse to use my brain.
Still.
There is no way in hell someone could come and call me for one of these ‘jobs’ during exam week and for me to be okay with it.
It’s not like my life depends on this unwanted hobby of mine. I don’t make any money off of it and it won’t ever qualify as a job even if I did charge for my services.
So why in hell did I agree to that ridiculous petition, the day before my last exam and with all the pent-up stress inside me at its peak?
I’m not even sure I understand myself. If anything, it might have been just a whim, a way to evade thinking about my impending doom.
Regardless, the story that came from that reckless decision of mine is one that I consider worthy of being told, so I shall do just that.
“Everyone, please, open the website I’ve written down on the blackboard with your phones. You will take a test to revise for tomorrow’s test.”
‘Ha. Joke’s on you, teacher. My phone is far too old to display that site properly.’
…
Ugh, I really could use that revision though…
As I swallowed my childish pride and went to ask the teacher to use the class computer, my phone started to vibrate.
Luckily for both me and the person trying to contact me, it was a message and not a call that had arrived. And the name of said sender was one I knew very well.
‘Hey, I need your help with something after school real quick. Meet me in front of my class, will ya?’
This guy truly was a bother.
But of course, I had no reason to believe he would cause me any major inconveniences.
So, like any friend would have done, I found myself standing in front of class 2-D right after the bell rang for the last time that day.
“Yo! Thanks for coming, dude! I knew I could count on you!” Nick called to me, the last of his group to come out of class.
“Hi man. Do you not know any other way of saying hi than just ‘yo’…?”
“What do you mean?”
“Never mind. Anyway, what do you need?”
“Ah, nothing major, sorry if I scared you. Wanted to know if you could come by a friend’s house today. She has a computer problem and I said you could be able to fix it.”
It really wasn’t something I could afford to do today.
I should just tell him I can’t and go home to study, I told myself.
But then again, tomorrow’s exam is a computer science test, so…
Thinking something along the lines of ‘screw it, what could go wrong?’, I finally replied to my friend waiting for an answer in front of me.
“Yeah, sure. I’ll do it. Just walk me there after I get lunch and I’ll do my best.”
“Heh, can’t imagine you saying no to anything involving a computer… Well then, see you in an hour at the usual place. That should be enough time, right?”
“Yah, I imagine it should be.”
“Perfect then. See ya!”
I parted ways with Nick, and went straight home.
I had just enough time to get there, eat, explain to my parents that I would be ‘going out to study at a friend’s house’, and gather all the basic stuff I might need to fix a computer.
And when I finally went out, just as he had promised, Nick was right there in front of my door.
“Let’s go then, shall we? I imagine you’ll want to be done quickly after all.”
“I mean, preferably yeah. I’ve still got theory left to study.”
Walking casually with Nick was something I hadn’t noticed how much I missed until I got to experience it again.
As nosy as he could sometimes get, he was the easiest to talk to from my group of friends. After all that had been going on recently on my side, it was relaxing to have someone with whom you could just laugh it all off.
But sadly for me, that pleasurable talk didn’t last nearly as long as I had wanted it to.
Only fifteen minutes after leaving my apartment, Nick suddenly stopped in front of a discreet small house.
“Here it is”, he said as he rang the doorbell.
Moments later, the door opened, and a girl our age I also knew from school - though I hadn't seen her around for a while - welcomed us in.
“Oh, it’s you, Nick! I’m glad to see you her– Wait, who’s your friend?”
From the moment this cheery girl came into view, I already knew coming here was a mistake. This feeling of being right in between two people who’d rather be alone with each other… Ugh, gotta hate it.
“Ah, hi. I’m Nick’s friend. I’m the computer guy.”
I blurted out, still very obviously uncomfortable.
“Computer guy?”
“Weren’t you the one with a broken computer or something? That’s what Nick said just a while ago.”
“Ah, yeah! Yeah, my brother’s computer has been working weird recently. So you think you can fix it?”
“I can take a look at it and try, yeah. Hope I can be of any help.”
“Thank you, really. It’s been bothering us for a while… Please, come in, make yourself at home. Nick, you’ll get him to where Philip is, right?”
“Yeah of course, no problem.”
While this exchanged was happening, I caught Nick giving Emma quite a few nervous glances. A horny idiot, he was. Or rather, the both of them, seeing as Emma had been replicating that exact behavior.
He had no better idea than to call me over to help in the worst day possible, just for him to have some alone time with his crush.
Not that I would dare say it out loud. I’d just let this one slide and use it to torment him later.
The two of us followed Emma inside her house.
The girl went to the kitchen to bring us a snack – despite my insistence on having eaten mere minutes before – and Nick led me to one of the bedrooms on the back side of the house.
From what I could see of the house, it seemed this family was quite a modest one. The house itself wasn’t too big, nor did it have any piece of furniture or decoration that stood out. It actually felt like a really comfortable place to live in, unlike most of the other houses I had been to in the area.
After passing by some other rooms – most of them closed –, Nick stopped in front of one particular bedroom.
It just took a quick glance at the door to figure out what kind of person it belonged to.
Old worn-out posters of some animated TV show were taped to the wooden door, a small handwritten piece of paper accompanying what was most likely a gift in some old kid’s magazine.
‘Philip’s Bedroom’, it read.
After two fast knocks, the door opened.
We were invited in by its owner, who told us to sit down – though Nick politely refused, and instead went back to the living room. Guess I should let him have his fun and do as he pleased.
“Okay so, could you explain me what’s wrong with the computer? Give me all the details you think are important.”
I was met with a reply, but its speaker didn’t bother looking at me.
“It’s just working weird lately, sometimes when I try to open an app or a webpage it just turns off or does weird things. It’s kind of scary to be honest.”
Even before I had laid a finger on the machine, my mind was already racing trying to figure out the problem.
I could think of a few possibilities based on that description alone, of course – but saying any of them came close to convincing me would be a blatant lie.
I wasn’t really given much detail other than the mentioned above, so after getting permission to handle the computer myself, I started testing out possible scenarios to try and replicate the errors.
…
But it was weird.
No matter how much I tried, I could not get the PC to crash.
If anything, it looked like it had been cleaned and optimized to perfection a very short time ago.
“Hey, I am not getting that error you mentioned, and I’ve tried all I can think of. Can you come here for a bit?”
My young client looked confused at my confusion, as paradoxical as that may sound.
“It’s not like this. You need to open a specific app or web for it to die. Look-”
After looking at what I was doing on the screen, the computer mouse was taken from me, and the cursor was made to click on a very particular app – one that didn’t look any weird to me. In fact, it was a well-known messaging service I myself had a habit of using, and that had never once given me issues even in much less powerful hardware.
But just as it opened-
“Ah!”
As it was about to finish loading, I heard a sudden short scream behind me. The computer had completely shut off by itself and started booting again, like it would if you pressed the physical “Restart” button on the front of the case.
“What the…”
Maybe the app had a recent update that broke it this badly? It would be weird, but nothing unheard of.
I opened my own laptop I had brought from home, opened that same app and – absolutely nothing.
I closed it and opened it a second time, wondering what the issue could possibly be, and-
‘FATAL ERROR. THE DATA FOR DISK C: HAS BEEN CORRUPTED. THE OPERATING SYSTEM CANNOT BE LOADED.’
…
What the actual hell??
My own laptop, one I knew like the back of my hand after years of using and abusing it, had crashed on me completely, and was now giving me an error message that made me break into a cold sweat.
…
?
??!
Why wasn’t it turning on now?
What the….?!
I really didn’t have time for this. I was supposed to fix this damn computer, and go back home to study.
I’d figure out how to bring my own machine back to life later.
Now not even bothering to hide my anxiety, I quickly went back to Philip’s PC and opened the app once again.
And as if to confirm my worst premonitions, that computer was also left completely unusable.
It went on a cycle of infinite restarts without ever getting to the login screen.
By this point, I was completely sweating bullets.
And when I opened the bedroom’s door to let some fresh air in, I heard Nick running around, shock and confusion all over his face.
The moment Nick saw me show my head through the door, he began shouting at me.
“Hey, come here right now! This is really really bad!”
“What’s up? I’m pretty freaking busy over here!”
It was Emma who replied, also looking extremely nervous and almost ready to collapse.
“All electronic stuff in the house has stopped working at the same time! Boom, bye, kaput!”
“What did you say?!”
“Even random appliances like the refrigerator and the TV have gone mad! What the heck is going on?”
Emma looked shocked, so shocked in fact that one might question if that was even natural or an overexaggeration.
“Like I’d know! Why in hell would everything just break, all of a sudden, without any logical explanation- Ah.”
An idea had crossed my mind all of a sudden.
An idea I wanted to reject at all costs, but that given these completely crazy developments, I could no longer shake off as nonsensical.
Maybe, and only maybe – this had just devolved into one of those cases.
If so…
If so, I wanted nothing to do with any of this.
I asked for pen and paper, and wrote down a phone number. It belonged to a friend of mine who owned a computers and electronics repair shop.
I gave that paper to Emma, and, my face as inexpressive as my body would allow, gathered my tools and headed for the exit.
“I’m really sorry, Emma, but this much is already way more than what someone like me can try to understand. I’d suggest is that you call that number and tell the person who answers that you’re a friend of mine. He’ll do an amazing job at fixing the issue, and should give you a pretty big discount.”
“… I see. Thank you very much for your help, and I’m sorry that this all had to happen when you had come only to help.”
Nick looked dejected. His sole excuse for spending the afternoon with Emma was gone, and even if that weren’t the case, I could guess he felt guilty – as if the incident had happened because of him, directly or indirectly.
Of course, I knew for a fact that wasn’t true, just as much as I knew there was no way of talking him out of his feelings of guilt.
I could probably solve this issue. In fact, I most certainly could solve it.
But something inside me was telling me to avoid getting involved at all costs.
After having apologized again to both Emma and Nick, I headed out and right towards my house, without as much as waiting for Nick to come with me.
When I had walked far enough for my sudden anxiety attack to dissipate, I slowed down my pace.
…Maybe I shouldn’t have run away after all.
It’s not their fault that anything happened. In fact, I should be pitying them…
And even then, I decided to run.
I am being a coward.
Just like that time.
…
I decided there was no longer any point in thinking about it, and started playing some music on my headphones to distract myself.
“…!”
Hm?
“…Hey! You there! Don’t go away!”
There was definitely someone shouting from behind me. I saw nobody else in the street, so I instinctively turned my head to look.
“Ah! What’s up?”
The poor teen whose computer I had failed to fix was completely out of breath, running towards me.
“Please… Come back…”
“What?”
“Don’t go away, please… Help us…”
“I’m sorry, but my knowledge of computers can only do so much. I think you should call an expert and…”
“It’s not that! Please listen to me, okay?! I know you won’t believe me!! I know you’ll say I’m crazy!! I don’t give a fuck, you hear me?!”
I was taken aback by such an unexpected violent reaction. But it seemed like, after all, it had come to this…
“I know the truth. Nothing’s actually broken. Stuff simply stops working when I come close. I’ll get away for a bit and you try turning on your laptop, okay?”
And so it went. This person, so obstinate as to try and make me go back after I had given up – walked backwards for around ten seconds, and stopped.
I quickly took out my laptop and tried turning it on and, to my surprise-
I was greeted by the desktop I knew so well, not a single issue in sight.
I started walking towards the only other person on the street, laptop in hand, and when the distance between us was of around five meters – the computer turned off again.
I could have said it was a coincidence and continued to play dumb, but at that point, might as well-
Might as well play along. With this farce of theirs.
“Okay. I’ll try to help. What is the issue then, if it isn’t a mass malfunction?”
“Shouldn’t you know that better than anyone?! It’s the work of a ghost. Nothing like this would actually happen logically.”
“Hmm. Okay, I’ll go back. Though you’re mistaken in one point.”
“And that is?”
“Supernatural creatures do not exist. It’s impossible for a product of anyone’s imagination to break actual physical objects.”
Both of us ended giving up on our sudden stare contest at around the same time, and started walking back the way we had come.
Realistically, I had no other option than to follow along. I had accepted that ridiculous petition, and now I had to expose the being behind this curse.
Without so much as speaking a single word to each other, we walked our way back to Philip’s home.
To anyone watching it might not have looked any strange, but I was so tense that the smallest disturbance could have made me jump in shock.
We arrived after what felt like an eternity to me, but was in fact closer to ten minutes after I had originally left.
At the front door, Nick was waiting with a worried expression on his face.
I was invited in for the second time, and I was told to sit down by Emma.
“First of all, I’m really sorry”, she said. “We had known from the beginning that nothing was actually broken, but I never imagined one of these massive failures would happen while you were here. Even then, and even though I know you're busy, I’d like to ask you to please help us with your knowledge of the supernatural. Of course, we would be paying you whatever you would usually charge.”
… Who did these people take me for?
What kind of idiot had they assumed I was?!
I was so offended by this whole situation, so angry at every single thing that had happened so far, that I could only say one thing regarding her proposal.
“Of course. I’ll do everything I can to get rid of this curse you’ve been forced into. Leave everything to me.”
Emma’s face lit up immediately, seemingly genuinely surprised that I had accepted without opposing any resistance.
I had probably let my anger slip through just a bit too much before. Oh well.
Without waiting for Emma to bring me a snack – this was the second time already – I snuck out of the family’s living room and went straight for Philip’s bedroom once more.
I made sure neither him or Emma had seen me leave, and I gestured to Nick so that he would keep quiet. I needed to make sure of something – and I wanted nobody to disturb me.
I tried turning on the supposedly faulty computer – and just as I had predicted, it booted flawlessly. Now I had full access to all the data inside it.
…
Apparently, the machine was set up with Emma as its main user account, but it was set to automatically start in Philip’s. I could guess this computer had simply been passed down when the older sibling had gotten a newer one.
I looked through the files in search of the irregularities that might prove my theory.
And it was even easier than I imagined.
I could find all kinds of data stored on that hard drive.
“Sister’s tenth birthday”…
“Middle school graduation”…
“High school second year homework”…
Several folders like these, containing anything from Word documents to photos and PowerPoint presentations, were all over Philip’s hard drive.
I tried looking at the dates to see if I could find a pattern of some kind.
… And there was one.
The files suddenly jumped from a few weeks back all the way to two years ago. This discovery and its implications left me thinking for quite a while.
While my mind went through the details of what I knew so far, I took a moment to inspect the room I was in.
Other than the plain-looking bed and closet, there were a few more posters – from music bands, movies and videogames. There was also an old Wii right next to a small TV – both of which I had missed the last time I was in this bedroom. My hurriedness and later panic attack were surely to blame.
The previously mentioned closet, which I took the liberty to open, was mostly empty, except for a small pile of men’s clothes that didn’t seem to have been used in a while.
The whole thing seemed to be starting to develop a sizeable layer of dust on top of it, further confirming that nobody had laid a finger in this part of the closet for months.
Other than that, there weren’t really a lot of important details worth mentioning at this time.
So, seeing as I had already been gone from the living room for close to ten minutes, I decided it was time to go back and begin my actual investigation.
Up until now, all I had seen were confirmations to my theory and information that expanded on it. But there were still many things that remained unknown to me.
I slipped out of Philip’s room and into the living room, where Emma and Nick were kindly waiting for me. The latter immediately ran up to me and started whispering into my ear – so loudly that had Emma not heard it, I would have told her to go see a doctor.
“Hey, what do you think you’re doing? Didn’t you accept to help investigate?”
“What do you think I’ve been doing? I have an exam to study for, Mister Bad Timing. I can’t waste my time waiting for a snack. I’ll just get this done as quickly as I can.”
…
Nobody spoke.
What an awkward silence. Maybe Claudia had been right when she said I speak too edgily for people to properly understand what I’m trying to say.
Seems they thought they had angered me by bringing the snack, so I had to clear up that misunderstanding and explain myself more clearly. This seemed to serve to alleviate the tension quite a bit.
Coincidentally, I ended up accepting the orange juice and the cookies Emma served me. Nick’s death glare had nothing to do with it.
“Okay. Even though I have already confirmed some very basic stuff I needed to make sure of, my investigation will officially start right now. Anything I should know before I get into it?”
“Hm? No, not really. I can’t think of anything right now…”
“Good to know, thanks. In that case, I will start by asking you. When did these incidents start happening?”
…
She didn’t immediately reply.
In fact, she didn’t reply for a sizeable amount of time.
But in the end, it seems she managed to remember.
“… About a week ago.”
“Oh?”
“About three months ago, electronic devices started breaking. We can’t find a logical explanation for this, no matter how hard we try. That computer you were supposed to fix – it has already been examined by a dozen computer shops. It has supposedly been tuned and revised to perfection. And still – when Philip is around, it just breaks. Around me, it’s not as frequent, but it sometimes still happens. These incidents have been creeping us out ever since the beginning, and our wallets are really starting to hurt by now.”
“I see. Yes, that would be a problematic situation for anyone. Okay, I think that information is enough for me to start working. Would you mind telling me what parts of the house I’m allowed to investigate in?”
“Um… There should be no problem with you looking anywhere you want. Oh, except for our parents’ room. They aren’t here right now, but I don’t think they’d be happy with anyone entering their room just like that.”
“Of course, that much is obvious. Thanks again, I’ll make sure to do my best.”
She nodded, a relieved smile on her face. I still couldn’t comprehend how she could make such a face at me. If the truth was what I thought – no, it’s still far too soon to say anything for certain. I should know that better than anyone.
Trying to distance myself from my feelings on the issue, I focused on exploring the rest of the house, especially the second floor which I had yet to visit.
It was smaller compared to the base floor, since a large portion of it was taken by the rooftop deck. There were only four rooms: a small storage room, a bathroom and two bedrooms. These were, of course, Emma’s and her parents’.
I had nothing to see on the storage room or the bathroom for now, so I headed straight for the last option I had available.
Emma’s room looked a lot more… “alive” than Philip’s had.
The smell was the one of its owner. The look, one which fit with her personality.
The posters and other decorations were newer – if not to my taste at all – and I couldn’t find a single speck of dust no matter how hard I searched.
It really didn’t seem the girl’s room would provide any helpful insight, so I quickly finished checking all of the more unusual spots-
Woops.
I had almost missed it.
Between the bed and the wall, hidden in a position nobody would have ever been able to find unless they were specifically looking for them, were quite a few handwritten letters and notes.
One would usually have to ask for permission to read something like this, of course, but I had been allowed to do as I please save for the parents’ room – furthermore, I was the detective for this case, and I remember reading some antiquated ruleset that stated that detectives shall never be kept away from knowledge of key evidence.
…
…!
!!!
Okay…
These letters... Okay, this is quite the surprise, but...
It would all make sense this way though, wouldn't it...
No, never mind. Even if I accept this theory as truth for the sake of argument, even if I do that – there’s still that one thread left hanging. Nobody would be satisfied with and end like that.
Argh. How messed up can this case possibly be...? I took those letters whose contents I couldn't bear to witness, and I tore a few of them to shreds – but making sure of keeping a select few to use as evidence.
Racking my brain in total confusion, I went out of Emma's room and stared into the emptiness of the hallway.
What to do, what to do... What piece am I missing...?
Is there any clue left for me to uncover...?
…
Ah.
Actually, there might.
My sight drifted towards the storage room that I had previously dismissed. Given what I now knew, the probability of finding something of note there had only diminished.
But I was stuck either way.
Taking the time to look through one more place couldn't hurt.
...
There was just about anything you could possibly imagine on that storage room. From photo albums to old furniture, worn down toys, and even a surprisingly extensive set of screwdrivers and other tools. I even found some old videogames I'd pay literally hundreds for. Guess I'd ask the family if they were willing to do business with me. Given what Emma said about the current state of their wallets, they actually might.
But other than all of that, there was one thing-
Only one item that struck me as odd.
A book, or rather, a notebook – no, that's not it either. It was... a diary.
"Philip's Diary."
I quickly opened it and started glancing through the dates. The last entry’s date was... seven years ago.
But it seemed like the first entry had been only one year prior, so I doubted Philip had been keeping this diary of his own free will. In my experience, people either give up immediately or keep going forever, for years and years. Since he had done neither, it was safe to assume he had been keeping the diary because he had been told to.
And my guesses were right.
"I went to therapy today for the first time. I didn't want to go, but the man there was really nice and understanding. He gave me this diary and told me I should keep filling it until I no longer needed therapy."
"I broke another thing today. I couldn't control myself. I really tried to, but I... I still failed. Mom says it's okay, that the therapy won't work immediately. But I still regret being like this."
Those were the two earliest entries in the diary, and the two that contained all the information I could have possibly hoped for.
With this, everything was solved, there was no doubt whatsoever about what the solution was.
Every single one of the entries after that, which went on to give more details and detail unrelated events, only further proved what I was already sure of.
I couldn’t help but feel sad for what poor Philip and his family had gone through, but if the kid’s own words in the diary were to be believed, it all had ended long ago.
Still, that was nothing…
That was nothing when compared to what was happening right now.
I hate myself for ever thinking badly of these people. I should really have known better than this.
… Not much I can do to change that now, though.
Other than to finally resolve this case, and let this family be in peace once again.
I closed the diary, which I was still holding open, and left it in the same place I had found it in.
I had nothing left to do in the second floor after already seeing all there was to see, so I went straight for the living room on the base floor again.
Nick was there with Emma. I, of course, only cared about the latter, so I walked towards her.
“Any news on your investigation? Or is there anything you wanna ask me or my sister?”
“There has been a significant development, yes. I have already formed a full theory on what the issue is. Still, there’s something I’d like to talk about before I reveal that theory.”
I caught Nick looking at me with a pleased smile, which he forcibly eliminated from his face the moment he noticed I had seen him.
“Sure, go ahead. What do you need?”
“First, I’d like to thank you. This has been quite an insightful afternoon for me, and it has been a pleasure working for you.”
“Eh, sure thing…”
Reluctantly, she agreed to the handshake I offered, the sensation of her hand only further convincing me that this was the right thing to do.
“Okay, now for what I wanted to discuss. It’s just something I want to confirm, and something I’d like you to agree to.”
“Huh?”
“For starters, there is not a single doubt in my mind – I know what supernatural being has caused this. It's quite the nasty thing, one which I had already met before in one of its many forms. I’ve named it the Coward Crocodile for convenience, but you can call it whatever you’re more comfortable with. And I have come to discover the identity of this monster only after knowing the truth of what it has caused. I have to say, I am terribly sorry for what all of you have gone through, and I understand the reason for everything that has happened so far, but even so-”
I stopped for a moment to recover my breath. Emma’s face, which had gone from completely neutral to confused just a while ago, was now starting to come across as that of a cornered prey in the face of its predator.
Yeah, of course.
All the people who have ever suffered because of supernatural entities are afraid to accept the truth. They would rather believe in ghosts and spirits, and accept them as the cause for all their misfortune.
Which in turn means-
That the truth is never an easy pill to swallow.
… Talking about pills, now I realized I had forgotten to take mine. That explained some stuff by itself.
This was no moment to stop at these thoughts, though, so I continued speaking.
“Even so, it’s my job to rid you of this curse that afflicts you. So I ask that you acknowledge the truth and don’t try to side-step the issue. Can I count on you to do that?”
“Sure, I can’t think of a single reason why we’d want you to hold back after making you solve the issue.”
“Thanks. That’s perfect by me. Then, we will begin the final act. For starters, let’s see… Emma, why don’t you tell me how your brother’s been doing? He’s been living alone for two years now, after all.”
“Huh? He… He’s okay. Thanks for asking. What does my older brother have to do with anything, though…?”
I see. She was-
“Nothing at all. So, if Philip is not here, then who is causing the incidents? What’s the true reason behind all the devices breaking?”
“It’s…. Philip, of course. Philip’s ghost from eight years ago. I’m sure you have to have met him, though? He’s always going around the house breaking stuff when you least expect it.”
For her, two Philips existed. Her real brother, who was probably attending some university and not living at the family residence – and this ghost of Emma’s mind, who had caused all the mischief that had led to this incident.
“Not at all. Ever since I first came to this house, I have only interacted with two other people. Nick… and you. I haven’t met Philip, not once.”
“Huh?! How’s that even possible?! Nick, tell him! He can’t have just missed him!”
“…”
Nick stayed silent, his expression rapidly clouding. Emma obviously picked up on this.
“Nick?! Not you too! You… You said you believed me! That you saw him too!”
“Emma, please calm down. I do believe you, but… but don’t lie to yourself. You know I can’t see him. He’s just inside your mind, nowhere else.”
“What…? But… but…”
I silently watched over this pitiful spectacle. I see, this girl really needed help, and as urgently as possible.
“Please, Emma, calm down! I-it’s okay, everything is okay, I promise- Agh!”
He had suddenly gotten punched in the face. This… This was…
“How can you even say that?! You… you don’t know anything! You don’t know what I’m going through…!”
She knelt down and broke into tears. Of course, she was right. There was no way we could have known – there was no way anyone else could see what she saw, hear what she heard, feel what she felt.
After all, that in itself was the nature of her affliction-
“I… I have to apologize to you, Emma.”
My somber tone must’ve shocked her, since she stopped sobbing and directed her gaze towards me from the floor where she was.
“Huh? What… what do you want now? What do you mean?”
“I… When I saw the computer conveniently break just as you were opening that app, and when you claimed that all electronic devices had broken at the exact same time… I didn’t believe you. I honestly believed it was all a farce, and that for some reason you’d decided it would be fun to pull a bad prank on me… But now I understand.”
Yes.
Even though I couldn’t see it, nor hear it, nor feel it – I understood.
“The supernatural being that haunts you, who has caused all of this pain to you… the Coward Crocodile. Philip’s ghost from eight years ago is one of its manifestations. Whatever caused you to suddenly cut power to the computer forcing it to restart is another one. Do you… know where its name comes from?”
“…No.”
By this point, Emma had long stopped crying, and her face was much calmer and more composed than it had been mere seconds before.
“The crocodile is closely related to primal instincts. Like survival, like reproduction, like… fear. Your fear of your brother’s ghost, who kept pursuing you and didn’t let you live in peace or quite a while. And the coward part… uhhh, it has a variety of interpretations. For this particular tale though, I believe the only coward is me, the detective. I refused to see the truth until I had no choice but to do it, and made this more complicated and long than it needed to be. And that’s why I apologize, from the bottom of my heart.”
“…”
It was awkward.
Nobody spoke.
Clouded expressions, faces looking down, tense atmosphere.
I broke the silence once more.
I wanted this pitiful tale to come to a close, and if possible, with the happiest ending I could achieve.
“… Nick, please tell me. Why has Emma been left like this? Why aren’t her parents or her brother here with her?”
“They are on a business trip right now. They went away a few days before Emma started to… You know…”
“Lose sight of reality?”
“I guess that’s a way to put it. But yeah. Her parents can’t come back until three days from now, even though they’ve tried all they can think of. And she refuses to let her brother know. And well, I didn’t want to make her feel worse, so I didn’t call Philip… I just had her stay here at home without going to school, and came to spend the afternoon with her every day I could.”
“I see… Yeah, I think I understand. But if Emma’s parents are coming in just three days, why would you call me now of all times?”
“… Because that’s what I thought would benefit both of you the most.”
“Huh. Yeah, you’ve got a point. Anyway, I believe all my questions have been answered, and that I’ve explained all I meant to explain. So with that, I think my job is-”
“Wait.”
It was Emma who intervened this time. She had remained silent with her gaze fixed on the floor for quite some time now.
“What is it, Emma?”
“Those pieces of paper sticking out from your pocket. Can you please give them back?”
Ah. I had forgotten I was still carrying those letters of Emma’s. Guess those remained unexplained.
“… ‘Please, brother, please. I beg that you forgive me. I thought that version of you had disappeared forever. But now... why, why are you doing this to me?! What can I do to obtain your forgiveness?!’ That’s what this one says. Should I read any more?”
“… No, it’s… It’s okay. I don’t want to see them again.”
I grabbed them all with both hands and, just as I had done with many more of these up in Emma’s room, I tore them apart until they were completely unreadable, and threw the remains in the nearest trash can.
“Anything else I should address? Emma? Nick?”
They both seemed to think about all that had been explained so far, and shook their heads in unison.
***
As both Nick and I left Emma’s home, we once more engaged in our usual talks. Though this time, the topic was much less trivial and changing than normal.
“Are you sure it’s okay to leave Emma alone right now? She could still have another outburst, right?”
I said, worry showing in my expression. However, Nick ddin't seem concerned in the slightest.
“Nah, that won’t happen. And if it does, I think she’ll be able to keep herself in check.”
“I sure hope as much. This case was really tiring all things considered, wouldn’t want it to be for nothing.”
“Sheesh, dude, have some trust in her! And I guess in your own work too, since you’re the one who saved her today, haha!”
“You know that’s a lie. You’re the only one we should both be thanking.”
“…”
“Still, okay, okay. I’ll stop worrying too much. I leave it all in your capable hands, oh Mister Boyfriend.”
“W-what?! We’re not going out, you know?”
“… That’s unironically the most surprised I’ve been today. Oh, wait, never mind. I got your trick, you dirty asshole. You thought you could lie to me like that, huh? Fuck off.”
“Huh? What’s that trick you’re talking about? I didn’t lie, you know.”
“Shut up. I said shut up. I don’t wanna hear you speak, lucky asshole. Twisted devil of a human being.”
“The hell, man? Why are you so mean to meeeeee!!!”
We both laughed together in that way only people who know and understand each other fully can manage.
Before I knew it, we were already in front of my house again. Seems we had both put the autopilot on and forgotten about everything else.
Nick was about to return to his own home a bit down the street, but I stopped him before he could go.
“Hey, wait a second. Gotta give you something.”
“Hm? Sure. Hurry up though!”
Less than two minutes later, I came down with two small items, and gave them to Nick. He seemed surprised when he saw what they were.
“Oh, it’s that movie I asked you for, and… pills?”
“Give ‘em to Emma. Should somewhat help her keep her outbursts under control.”
“…Oh. Thank you. Will do.”
“Thanks.”
“Anyway, friend. Been a fun one, but I gotta do my homework now, and you’ve got an exam tomorrow. So we should probably go do our parts now.”
“Hahaha! What are you talking about? Like hell I’m gonna go study after this, mate! It’s gamer time now!”
“So you say. Can’t wait for you to come crying with a 6 on your test.”
“Fuck off, Nicholas.”
“Same for you. See you tomorrow!”
“Bye! And thanks for everything!”
COWARD CROCODILE: END
ME: Main Character, Detective.
OLIVER: Loner, Afflicted.
Work assignments are a pain.
A pain, I tell you.
You have to arrange a meeting with multiple other people, juggling with each one’s daily schedule to make time, and in the end even when you do manage to meet, no work gets done.
Everyone leaves with little more than what they came in with, having lost a lot of their valuable time, and they’re left to do their part of the work by themselves in their homes. Eventually, they’ll quickly mash it all together and hope it sticks, and if it doesn’t, come up with some excuse to try to save their own butts.
Why was I so mad and cynical about all of this, even more than usual?
Because, of course, I had just come out of a meeting for one of those group assignments.
…
School was such a pain sometimes.
But deep inside, I liked it.
I liked learning about so many diverse subjects and topics. I liked getting to meet so many people. To befriend them, to share precious moments with them.
So went my train of thought as I wandered through the streets, daylight starting to slowly fade.
Seeing as, at this rate, night would swallow me before I had gotten back home, I decided to take a shortcut through some narrower and – to be completely honest – shady-looking streets.
And as I went through one of those-
In a normal, if dimly lit alley, I was met with-
“Hey! What are you doing?! Stop!”
I ran towards the man on that corner.
He had a knife on his right hand. The knife was stained with fresh blood.
He had a wound in his left hand.
A fresh wound.
He didn’t listen to me. In fact, he didn’t even react to my words, as if he couldn’t even hear them at all.
He pointed the knife at his left hand again, ready to strike himself once more.
Instinctively, I jumped.
I jumped, and stopped him before he could harm himself again.
His right arm was now trapped in my grip, the sturdiest one I could possibly manage with my strength.
“Please…! Stop! FOR FUCK’S SAKE, STOP!!!”
Just as I was running completely out of breath, he finally stopped resisting.
I heard a metallic noise coming from the floor, and saw the knife right there, staining the pavement deep rep.
That man – no, he looked around my age – lost all his strength in a flash, and fell limp into my arms.
My mind was blank. I didn’t have a clue as to how I should act, what should I do.
I tried to confirm if he was still conscious. He was. I kept shouting, but nobody came.
There wasn’t a soul in the street.
Oh.
Suddenly, I realized the obvious, and took out my phone. I quickly dialed a three-digit number, as fast as my fingers would let me.
“Emergency Services, what’s the problem?”
“I found a teenager hurting himself with a knife! He’s barely conscious right now, please send an ambulance!”
…
After giving all the details the person over the phone asked me for, all that was left was to wait for help to come.
I was still in a state of panic for a while, but as it subsided, so did my rush of energy, and I ended up having to sit down right next to the injured boy.
I felt dizzy.
“Hey, are you still conscious?”
I asked, not really hoping for any kind of answer to come my way.
“Y-yeah…”
“?!”
“Thanks… for stopping me, man…”
“I-it was nothing. I did what had to.”
I had acted without thinking, completely out of reflex.
I didn’t deserve praise.
Suddenly, he started getting up. I jumped in shock again.
“Hey! You should stay put and lie down! What the…? Doesn’t it hurt?! How in hell can you do that?!”
He had been getting up.
And he had done it – putting all his weight in his injured hand.
Massive amounts of blood were coming out of it. I felt a sudden urge to vomit, an urge I could barely repress for a few seconds before letting go of whatever remained of my snack from about half an hour before.
“… It doesn’t hurt.”
He said after I had finished puking.
He said with a completely straight face, devoid of emotion.
“What? How can it not hurt? Don’t go joking around, idiot!”
“… But it’s not a joke. I really do feel no pain.”
A sad smile rose to his face.
He extended his left arm and – started smashing his hand against the floor. Upside down. His wounds against the pavement.
I closed my eyes and screamed in horror.
…
And then, silence again.
What… was going on?
“What do you mean… no pain?”
I asked. I needed to know. I didn’t want to see myself involved in one of those cases again.
Oh God, if you exist, please spare me of this. I’ve had enough. I’ve… I…
“I can’t feel pain. I can’t feel touch. I can’t feel heat, nor cold. I… I have lost all of that. And no matter how hard I try, I can’t recover it.”
“Do you know why this has happened to you? You can explain it to the doctors and-“
“It’s no use. This isn’t anything that a normal illness can cause. This is all because of… Because of those… ghosts and monsters.”
No.
No, no, no.
I refuse to acknowledge this.
I refuse to get involved.
I’ve learnt my lesson, have I not? Why must I be put into these situations again and again? What does the artificer of this want to prove to me, huh?!
“Please…”
He called to me.
I knew what came after.
I knew it all too well.
“Please… help me get rid of this curse… I need your help…”
…
My fate was sealed.
No longer could I flee from this case. The moment I’m asked for help, that’s it… I couldn’t do anything to resist.
…
What was I even thinking?
The only thing keeping me tied to this case, as well as to all other, was my conscience…
Hnggg…
Okay.
I had decided.
I would push through it.
I would accept this case just as I had the ones before it, and I would bring this man the peace he deserved.
I looked at his face once more and-
Woops.
He had finally fainted.
…
The ambulance would no doubt still take a while to arrive, so I decided to begin my part of this story.
As any detective would say.
Nothing could stand in my way to the truth.
I turned on my phone’s screen at max brightness (it didn’t even have a proper flashlight), chose a white image to fill the screen in a cheap trick to manage the biggest amount of light out of it, and started pointing it at my surroundings.
The man who didn’t feel pain... he truly was about my age.
No, in fact-
I recognized the guy.
He- was in my school. He attended a different class in the same grade I did.
If I remembered correctly his name was… Oliver.
I didn’t know much of him, to be honest.
I could only vaguely remember some passing comments about him, spoken by Nick once. But that wasn’t detailed nor reliable enough to use as a source of information.
So I had no choice but to break all morality and privacy, and inspect his body for clues.
Though by that I obviously just meant his pockets and what I could see at plain sight. I had no intention nor wish to strip this boy of any of his clothes.
…
It didn’t take long for me to finish inspecting all of his pockets.
He was indeed the Oliver from my school, as indicated by the ID he carried on him.
Other than that, he had a phone, a set of keys for what I assumed to be his apartment building and-
A backpack.
A small backpack, like those they sell at sportwear stores, that had been left in the floor barely two meters away from his current position.
Inside it were quite a curious assortment of items, seemingly random at first glance.
Some school supplies which included a pencil, a ruler and a notebook were all there, together with a lighter and an agenda.
I scanned all of those objects in full. None of them contained anything that seemed relevant at this point in time – though, by themselves, they did seem quite suspicious.
Or maybe they weren’t by themselves, and it was just the context that I had that made them seem so.
After all, knowing what I knew now, that lighter – there was no way I couldn’t have disturbing thoughts about what its purpose would have been.
Still.
I tried my hardest –
To not let it affect me. To prevent it from obscuring my judgement.
And so I continued to inspect the area a bit, and after finding nothing more, I scanned his pockets again.
…
?
In his back pocket, I found something that immediately caught my attention.
Since I had already inspected said pocket just a minute ago and failed to find anything.
It felt to the touch like a small ticket would – a folded extra-thin paper coming out of Oliver’s trousers as I struggled to carefully extract it.
I slowly unfolded it, and-
“Hey, boy! You there! Where’s the injured?”
…
The ambulance had arrived.
I pointed the medical staff to where Oliver was, still very much unconscious.
They quickly picked him up and got him into the vehicle - while also telling me to go with them, for some reason.
I had more pressing issues to occupy my mind with though, so I decided to simply assume it had been because they hoped I could be of help identifying the young man. And they wouldn't be wrong.
...
Still, my mind was racing. It didn't stop.
Such a weird and worrisome incident, happening in front of my very eyes.
This time, I hadn't agreed to help, not even been tricked into it - it had quite literally jumped right at me, completely preventing me from ignoring it or running away.
That was a dirty one, sheesh...
And worst of all-
Worse than everything else surrounding these already awful events -
Was the fact that I didn't have any course of action easily available to me.
I was asked to help; I had agreed to help but... Without any clues to go from... It amounted to nothing.
I was in nobody's home, so I couldn't go breaking people's right to privacy.
The afflicted from this case also happened to be out cold for the immediate future, so no questioning him to make him slip up and revealed some info.
And it was already past 7:30 PM. I couldn't afford to postpone my investigation until Oliver woke up...
After a few minutes, we arrived at the hospital.
I was told to stay in a waiting room until the patient could receive visits.
…
I couldn’t stay still for a second. My nervousness took the better of me, and I started anxiously walking around in circles inside that tiny room, which was completely empty except for me.
I was completely lost in thought, trying to figure out a way – any way – in which I could solve this issue quickly and get rid of all the trouble.
What could even work in a situation like this?
Maybe something like what I did last time…
No, actually! Better yet, I’ll-
“Heyyy, if it isn’t my best friend of friends here!”
“AAAHH!”
“Sheesh, no need to be so shocked man, you almost make it seem like you’re gonna have a heart attack! Also, aren’t we supposed to be in a hospital?”
“Any of these days I might get a heart attack, Ellie! I really might! Especially if you keep appearing out of nowhere like that!!!”
Wait. Actually.
What the hell was she doing here?
… Though I guess appearing at the most suspicious of places in the most suspicious of moments seemed to be her whole thing.
“Ehehe, nothing special. Felt kind of a headache so I came here to get myself checked. Apparently it was just lack of sleep, though.”
What kind of idiot considered herself so important to go to a hospital’s emergency treatment section for a simple headache?!
“Don’t insult me so much, meanie boy. You have no right to say anything after all. You came to a hospital’s emergency treatment section without even being injured at all.”
“That’s because I am accompanying a patient, you asshole!”
“Hahahaha! I see! So that’s it, isn’t it?”
“… Do you have a problem, Ellie? Do you need anything, or are you just here to bother me and keep you away from my investigations?”
“… I see. So that’s what you think of me, I see. You egotistical self-centered piece of shit who cannot even be honest to himself about himself, who keeps using lies as a way of life no matter how much time passes, who deserves to pay for his sins ten times over but still refuses to even acknowledge them-“
What the…
“I have no clue what you’re talking about, Ellie. Please go the fuck away and leave me alone. I’m not in my best mood today, see. Definitely not one good enough as to ignore your bullshit.”
“Fair enough, fair enough! Haahahahah! You get annoyed so quickly, messing with you is way too fun! Anyway, I’ve taken an interest in this case of yours, so I’ve already done some investigating. And I can proudly say – that I now have the solution to all of it! Not a single piece missing, all fragments perfectly fitting as they should! How’s that, best friend of friends?”
“How in hell… You really are a genius, Ellie. A crazy, mad, bipolar and annoying genius. Don’t think you can tell me a bit of that info you got?”
“Nope. Not a chance. Hehehe.”
“Really? Not even a tiny bit? Look, I’ll let you bully and insult and harass me all you want but please, please, pleaseeeeee-“
“Hahahahaha! Sorry man, but you’re too much of a sore loser! If you wanna figure it out, do it yourself, idiot! When did you think I would have any wish to help you of all people, huh? Waaaahahahahaha!”
“… Why did I even bother asking you, you of all people…”
“Because you’re useless, that’s why. Anyway, I think I’ve stayed for long enough. We’ve been shouting for a good few minutes now and we’re still in a hospital. So I think I’ll just leave you alone for a while. Wouldn’t that be the best, best friend of friends?”
“Shut it. Go the fuck away.”
“Okie dokie. You’ll see me again soon though.”
“…”
And so she went.
She disappeared from my sight, from my world.
She would no longer disturb me.
…
Still, I was left all the more confused.
If she had managed to deduce everything, that would inevitably mean… that all the clues have already been presented.
Though, of course, being this early in the story, that would be impossible. As the detective, I deny that all the clues for getting to the truth have been presented and detailed.
But even if we assumed she made some pretty massive leaps in logic, which would be no surprise coming from her – still, I couldn’t imagine how…
How I could conclude this tale from the point I was at.
***
I feel a quick recap is necessary, if just for my own sake rather than the reader’s.
Right now, the mystery stands as it follows.
A boy from my school, Oliver, was found committing self-harm in a dark alley as I went back home from a group assignment.
After I stopped him when he was about to stab himself again with a knife, he told me he was unable to feel pain, touch, or any other sensation on his skin – also including heat.
He had fainted right after I agreed to help him with the supposed supernatural being that cursed him and caused him the aforementioned afflictions, and I had begun my investigations with no delay.
All I had managed to find, though – were some belongings the man was carrying in his backpack. Nothing that would immediately tell me anything of note.
I really had nothing to go off of for now…
And now Ellie of all people, had appeared out of nowhere just to interfere, saying she had already solved everything but refusing to give me any information.
… She was probably lying.
Yes, that must have been it.
Even though she never lies.
It must have been a deception, a dishonestly, a falsehood. Fiction. Yes, it must have been fiction.
If so, I could discard everything she had said, since none of it was relevant.
Yes. Yes, indeed, that’s what I shall do.
Someone like her, with no reason nor purpose to her existence in this tale, has no place altering its progress. Therefore, she shall be ignored, as if she was never there. Of course, that would be for the best.
…
Okay. Recap time over.
Going back to where we were.
As I walked aimlessly in circles around the waiting room.
***
Better yet, I’ll – yes, I’ll do exactly that!
I still have one way out!
How had I not thought of this before?!
Supernatural beings did not exist.
They certainly, definitely, couldn’t exist.
All mysteries must be solved through rational means of deduction.
But what if a mystery which cannot be solved were to present itself?
What if there was no possible way for me to solve this through logic?
What if – by pure coincidence – this mystery turned into fantasy?
Then, all rules would vanish, and that card became available.
And as long as I could explain it later-
As long as there was some way for a rational truth to exist, a way that didn’t contradict any of the established facts-
I could use supernatural beings to my advantage.
I could temporarily claim the existence of those beings, and use them to discover the truth that lay at the end of this abyss.
As long as I had faith in my beliefs-
That no supernatural entity could ever exist, and that they all shall be disproven in due time-
I shall violate that very premise, in search for the truth that will solidify it.
I could almost feel Ellie sneering at me from behind, her voice resonating in my ears.
“Pfffft! Such a massive copout, man! You’d put the consistency and believability of the whole Tale in such a dangerous position just to keep playing your little detective game? Why don’t you just go ahead and admit it, friend? Admit everything, repent for your sins and everyone will gladly forgive you! Wahahahaha!”
…
Of course, nobody was there.
It was just my imagination.
A mirage, a falsehood.
…
How ironic.
Still, I had no time to waste thinking about such trivialities.
I immediately got to work –
To create a supernatural creature.
Through the power of fiction, I would conquer this Tale. Just watch me do it, Ellie! Watch and learn!
“For him who cannot feel pain… For him whose body is but that of a doll, the Painless.”
I murmured as the images started appearing on my mind. I needed to believe in what I was doing, what I was creating.
So that the lie becomes truth and the fictions turns reality.
“And what animal form shall I give you? Hmm, a tricky one… Oh, never mind. I got it. For him who longs for contact, but in doing so only hurts himself… For him who hurts other as he hurts himself… the Porcupine.”
I said, and as I did, golden petals coming out of my open hands, the lies and false beliefs came together to form a being.
A being of the supernatural.
A being of fiction.
Through lies, we shall reach truth.
Through magic, we shall reach mystery.
…
It wasn’t long before the golden porcupine had taken full form in front of my eyes.
The Painless Porcupine.
As I extended my right hand, the porcupine floated through the air in that direction, effortlessly going through the door that led to the room Oliver was in, still unconscious.
I let it do its job.
It needed no instructions, no commands.
After all, it was a fictitious creation of my mind, and as such, me being able to mind control it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. Nothing worth batting an eye about.
…
It had barely been a few minutes since I had sent the Porcupine inside Oliver’s room.
Any moment now…
“Excuse me. The patient has woken up, and you may visit him now.”
A middle-aged doctor came out of the room and told me. She went inside again, and I followed behind her.
Oliver was laying in the only bed inside the room, apparently still too weak to sit.
He was heavily injured all over his body, and on top of that, he was heavily dehydrated. It’s a miracle he was even conscious when you got to him. If you hadn’t called the ambulance then, he would probably be a lot worse off. So you should be proud. You saved a young man’s life.
So said the doctor.
Truly, if we took that into consideration, it truly had been a lucky situation.
As much as I might have hated getting involved, as much as I wish I had never taken that shortcut back home… Oliver’s life was much more valuable than my – in comparison – minuscule pain.
… If he was here, he’d probably laugh.
Tell me I’m a chicken, that I shouldn’t have doubted it for a second.
… If she was here, she’d probably comfort me.
Tell me I was right to be afraid, but that I had certainly done the right thing.
“Hey, man. Thanks for helping me back there. Might’ve died if it wasn’t for you.”
“No need to thank me. Did what anyone else would have. You just need to worry about healing now.”
“Thanks…”
“…”
“Actually… can I ask you something?”
“What is it, Oliver?”
“Have you learnt anything about… my curse? The ghost that haunts me and doesn’t let me feel pain?”
“Actually, yes, I have. I know exactly what creature is cursing you.”
“Oh?! Can you tell me, please? Cough, cough!”
“Y-yes, of course I will, don’t worry so much.”
“O-okay… So?”
“The creature afflicting you is… the Painless Porcupine. A being who longs for contact, but it hurts others in doing so. And the way it hurts others is-”
“… Making them unable to feel pain?”
“Yeah. Or more accurately, making them unable to feel contact. Pain, touch, the sensation of temperature… they’re all just the same thing, really. And this creature has taken them from you.”
“Okay, I think I understand. Yes – I really do understand. So this is why… And how can I get rid of this? How can I get my pain back?”
I thought.
I thought as hard as I could.
Time seemed to freeze around me.
And then I saw it again.
The Porcupine I had created, which had woken up Oliver, was right there…
When it noticed my glance, it came close to me again, still glowing gold.
Oh Porcupine, you who transcend all logic and reality, please tell me…
What is it that afflicts this man in truth?
How can I give him back his lost pain?
…
And then I saw.
Those flashes of light invaded all my field of view, and within them lay the truth to this case…
Oh! So that was it!
Fool. You’re feeling so much pain it has made you numb…
Such suffering, it’s unbearable…
I can’t keep watching this! It must stop!
Oliver, I promise you…
I promise I’ll bring you peace!
Even if it was just my selfish desire, my inability to see others suffer, I would-
“You egotistical self-centered piece of shit.”
…
Those words resonated in my mind, bringing me back to earth.
Or rather, back to my original train of thought.
… All that was left now was to bring this tale, so sudden in its beginning and its solution, to a peaceful end where everyone could live happily ever after.
Or as happily as humanly possible, anyway.
Though that was the one part I’d have to figure out as I went.
…
“Oliver- I promise I’ll get you your pain back. You don’t need to worry about the method or other little details – at least for now, that is. Focus on your health. Though I may need to ask you a few questions along the way, so yeah, I ask that you answer those for me.”
“Of course, of course. I’ll do anything you need, friend. I appreciate your help, I really do…”
I hadn’t noticed before – I had been too absorbed in my thoughts as to notice, but he still looked and sounded extremely tired. It would probably be for the best if I left him alone for a while.
I doubted he would go back to sleep, but still, some peace and quiet couldn’t hurt.
And so I went out of the room again.
But this time around, I wouldn’t just stay in the waiting room immersed inside my own mind.
Without a doubt in my mind or a stutter in my step, I headed straight out of the hospital.
And I ran.
I invoked the Porcupine once more, so that it would guide me to my destination.
It floated ahead me, its g
olden glow signaling the path I ought to take.
And a good twenty minutes of moderate running later, I suddenly stopped.
I had arrived.
At Oliver’s house.
…
I still had much to do inside this place, and of course, back at the hospital.
However, with the events already at this stage, the existence of the Porcupine wasn’t needed anymore.
With the same ease I had told it to go wake up Oliver mere minutes ago, I ordered it to disappear forever.
Now, no trace of it would remain in this world. After all, it had never really existed.
As for logic would inevitably disprove supernatural beings, and with that being forever true, even the detective is free to invent as much fiction as he likes in order to defeat his enemy – the mystery.
And to solve that mystery – the detective will no doubt do whatever is needed without any semblant of hesitation.
Lest he succumbs into the depths of oblivion as the unworthy one, he who dare call himself a detective only to fail miserably at his only task.
I rang the doorbell.
Ding-dong.
… Nobody answered.
Ding-dong.
Still no answer.
Ding-dong.
“What is it at this hour? If it’s not important, please go away! We don’t have time for this shit right now!”
I heard a middle-aged man shout inside the house, his message clearly directed at none other than me.
But when he opened the door, his expression turned into shock.
“Hm? Who are you? I don’t think I’ve seen you before.”
“I’m Oliver’s classmate.”
“… Oh. Sorry for shouting at you like that. He’s not home. He’s uh… got into an accident. They just called us from the hospital. So if you don’t mind coming some other day-”
“I know. I was the one who called the ambulance for him.”
“Oh! Really?! Thank you so much, boy! You’ve saved his life, you’ve-”
"I did nothing, really. Anyone would have done the same."
"That's not true. No, even if it was, really... Thank you from the bottom of my heart."
"Please don't worry about it. Though there is a favor I'd like to ask you."
"Shoot."
"Oliver asked me to pick something up for him in his room. Could I come in and look for it?"
"Uhh, yeah of course. No problem at all. Please come in."
And so I was finally here.
The Afflicted's house.
My true investigation could now begin.
...
I was taken to Oliver’s room, and politely asked to not take too long in my search.
Of course we don't want to pressure you, but... We were about to go to the hospital to visit Oliver, and visiting hours will be over soon.
So I was told.
And of course, I wouldn't dare abuse the trust these people had put in me.
So immediately after making sure I wasn't being watched, I began scanning every nook and cranny of this bedroom.
At first glance, this was no more than a typical teen boy's room.
In fact, so it appeared for the larger part of the time I spent on it.
The main point that stood out to me, though in a purely ordinary way, was the sizeable videogame and book collection this young man had.
It really did feel like the guy had a passion for the stuff. Such a clean and varied collection, it was worth feeling envious about.
But once I managed to drift my eyes away from that -
In the desk, a small laptop.
Next to it, a note.
I read the note.
I read it aloud- of course not.
Because the moment I laid my eyes on the text that page contained, I knew I should never have come close to it.
Truly, it made me feel anxious - horrified, even.
Not because of the contents themselves, though.
I could have guessed most of those.
It was because...
This simply couldn't be.
It left no room for a proper ending...
What was I supposed to do after this?
... Oh.
I guess to the spectator, the contents of that letter are still unknown.
I shall read them aloud.
Oliver, this is just to tell you that your mother and I have had to go away because of work again. We'll be out for a month, so please do your best at him like always. If anything happens, your uncle's got a key. But please don't call him unless it's strictly necessary. Sorry for the trouble, and thank you. You father.'
Wahaha! This was laughable.
So this was the end?
Did I really have no way at all to arrive at a half-decent conclusion?
Was there not a single option for a satisfying end to exist?
...
No.
There must be something.
If I gave up here, that really would be it.
But as long as I keep trying, keep fighting for the one good ending, the best possible truth-
I would eventually arrive there.
Just you wait, Fate.
I can solve all your tests and finally become free.
That bitch would regret not having told me her answer while she was still ahead.
Now she'll have no choice but to accept mine, and my answer will become truth - an absolute, undisputable truth.
And Oliver will be finally be in peace, his pain restored and his life back to normal.
Just like everyone before him.
I would resolve this flawlessly - and prove myself once more.
After all, there was no way I was wrong.
Supernatural entities couldn't exist.
Which meant…
Only natural beings and happenings were allowed in this world.
Therefore, I would see to it that no end came where the solution and the conclusion weren’t completely natural.
…
I am now noticing I have spent a great deal of time in this Tale rambling about obtaining the results I wish for. I hope the spectator isn’t annoyed by this. If they are though, my sincerest apologies.
It’s undeniable that this one has been the most difficult tale from the very start.
From the moment I met Oliver in that alley, stabbing himself with a knife as if it were no big deal – from that very moment, not even my previous best efforts would have been able to solve this incident.
And so this is also the tale where I-
Where I do my very best to uncover the truth, so that everything may be solved and everyone may be in harmony.
That is my only objective.
And I have almost reached it.
I picked up a book from Oliver’s desk, one which had a piece of paper between its pages – signaling where its reader had last left off.
The black cat on the back cover seemed to stare right at me.
…
Don’t look at me like that.
I’m going to save your owner. And by doing that, you too will be saved, for a book’s purpose is to be read. A story’s purpose is to be told.
That’s why incomplete tales are worth nothing – they haven’t fulfilled their purpose. Their author didn’t meet their one obligation.
That won’t happen this time.
Because just as I picked the book, I went out of the room to meet with Oliver’s father – no, now I knew he was his uncle.
And we went straight to their car.
He and her wife, Oliver’s aunt, carried me back to the hospital.
From the car to the reception, from the reception to the waiting room.
Not a moment did my thoughts go astray.
I knew what I needed to do, and how exactly I’d do it.
“Oliver – I know exactly what is it that has happened.”
“Huh? T-that was fast…”
His voice was still weak, but a genuine smile slowly formed in his face.
His eyes were glowing.
Unlike the others –
Unlike all the others, he was ready to hear. Eager, even.
What would have been unnerving in another situation quickly became a boost to my confidence.
I got it.
I will now explain everything, and put and end to this pitiful Tale.
I reached out for the backpack Oliver had been carrying when I found him. Of course, I hadn’t left it behind – why would I, when it contained such a key piece of evidence to all the case?
“But that is…”
He said, dumbfounded. Of course he was.
It had been in front of his eyes all this time.
I opened it and started reading aloud, for the whole world to hear.
***
The whole notebook was but a compilation of all the tasks Oliver had for each day.
Except for the fact that…
No human being could do this much work.
This was inhuman.
Busy with part-time jobs from four to ten PM.
Even had one on Tuesday mornings.
On top of studying and doing homework for school.
His sleep schedule, precisely calculated down to the minute so he wouldn’t outright die from exhaustion.
His finances, also extremely analyzed and-
Wait a minute.
Expenses.
Rent. Water. Electricity.
This was…
Disturbing.
Horrendous.
Monstruous.
I wanted to tear this notebook down to pieces, and with it all that it contained – but that was impossible.
Not yet.
Not yet, I told myself.
And I kept going.
After that notebook had been read aloud, Oliver’s family left speechless, and the man himself completely dumbfounded-
I kept going.
“That’s… the biggest part of it all. It encapsulates most of the information needed to understand the rest. But just in case, I’ll say it all. If that’s okay, that is…”
I looked Oliver in the eye, but he did not reply. Not even with any head movement.
He simply sat there… quiet and unmoving.
I couldn’t have cared less.
It was time to finish this whole thing off forever.
I explained everything.
How Oliver was planning to burn that notebook to ashes with the lighter he was carrying.
How he wanted nothing to do with that pitiful life anymore.
How his overwork, and his complete lack of meaningful human contact as a result, had caused him to stop feeling anything.
To become numb.
His feelings had been…atrophied.
Out of pure desperation, he’d started harming himself over and over – and then scared himself.
He had chosen to blame everything on a fictional being, a supernatural occurrence which could never exist…
Just so that he could keep the peace inside the chaos intact.
But now, his charade had to end.
His mental walls had to fall, in order for him to accept the truth-
A phone rang.
Just as I had finished my explanation, Oliver’s phone rang.
Seeing as I was not saying anything, he picked it up.
“… Yes? Dad? Oh? You’re coming back tomorrow?! T-thank you! Yes, thank you so much…! I love you, dad…!”
His eyes were completely brimming with tears.
With this, all issues would finally be solved.
They would be put to rest, forever.
Oliver would never again harm himself, he would never again have to work all day to survive, he could recover the human contact he longed for.
This was the perfect end.
The only natural end to this tale.
One in which – all ended well.
At long last, I had reached the end of this painfully exhausting Tale, and my mission here was over.
After being thanked by my schoolmate, still sobbing from relief, and by his uncle and aunt, I left the room.
It was almost 9:00 PM. A bit later than usual, for sure.
But it had all been worth it.
As much as I had to struggle through this time around – it all ended well.
And once more, it was proven.
Supernatural beings do not exist.
TALE THREE – PAINLESS PORCUPINE END.
…
?
Why has it not ended yet?
What’s happening?
“Pffffft. Pitiful. Even I had greater expectations for you, idiot.”
And there she was.
Again.
No.
Why?
Why must she appear now?
Where did I go wrong?
This Tale is over!
End it already!
There’s no room for her in this Tale-!
“SHUT THE FUCK UP, OKAY? Good. Sheesh. Who in their right minds would ever have thought of pulling off a prank as bad as this? Fucking hell. Now I have to come here, after being banished from this Tale, to teach you a lesson and cover up your mess. Seriously, I wanna kill you. You should just die. For real.”
…
Wrong.
I would never let you have it your way, demon.
This end is the only true end!
The only natural end to this tale, without any supernatural beings taking the truth away from my hands!
“Seriously? You call this ‘natural’? You call this ‘truth’? Well then. It seems you keep lowering the bar by the second.”
…
“Whateveeeeer. I don’t care anymore. I too want this to be over as soon as possible, mmkay? So we’ll just go over my main issues real quick. Just so I can prove to you – how utterly puke-worthy you are.”
Rage… or was it fear.
Probably a mix of both.
It overcame me.
It invaded all of my body, numbed all my senses.
Stop.
Stop this.
I don’t want to hear a single word of it. Not anymore. Not when it’s already over…!
“Ah, but I’m not gonna go away until I’m done explaining my part. Don’t forget that, okay? The more you try to stop me, the longer this will take, and that’s no good at all. So why don’t you play along for a bit just so we can be finished soon, eh?”
She said with an innocent-looking smile on her face.
The smile of an angel.
The smile of a demon.
…
But if what she was saying was true.
I would play along. I would let her continue, just so everything could finish well. It was the best course of action available.
“Ohoho, good choice, friend of friends. And of course you can trust me. After all, I never lie.”
Tee-hee, she added.
As if any cute girl act from her would have any effect on me of all people.
“Oh, but it does have an effect. It angers you.”
“…”
“Regardless. I’ve gotten tired of going in circles and getting nowhere. Shall I begin with my dissecting of this Tale?”
“Sure. Go ahead. Be quick.”
“Aye-aye, captain! You’re gonna regret asking that, though.”
Anyway.
She continued.
“First of all, I want to make sure of something. You are claiming that this Tale is a mystery, right? One that can be solved and that you did indeed solve as told in the narration?”
“Yes. I cannot guarantee that a reader would be able to solve it, but it’s designed so it’s certainly possible. It’s a mystery, and a fair one at tha-“
“Good. Stop right there. Now I’ll destroy your claims.”
A small piece of paper appeared from nothingness into the palm of her hand.
A ticket.
"This... This is a receipt that was found in the Afflicted's trousers, is it not?
... Yes.
Indeed - so it was.
"Okay. In that case, please tell me. Why was this clue never mentioned once after its original appearance, just before the ambulance arrived?"
...
"Of course, you don't need to answer. I know why it is. And that's because..."
Because it disproves everything that has been told so far.
...
Were those my thoughts, or her words? It was getting increasingly hard to distinguish.
My mind was at its very limit.
"Yes, so it happens. Your mind is at its limits because you know exactly what's next. Of course. Because the text in that receipt reveals - Oliver had bought a box of painkillers."
Oh.
So that's it. But then-
"Why wasn't it found on the scene, hmm. Maybe because he had swallowed the box whole? Eaten all the pills, then thrown the package in the nearest bin?"
But, but that's -
Absolutely and utterly insane!
And then he had stabbed himself with a knife?!
What kind of maniac would-
No.
What kind of utter nonsense was this solution?
"Pffft. Nonsense, he says. As if shamelessly lying and hiding information made perfect sense. Still, that's obviously not all. What about the note in Oliver’s bedroom, which you decided to use as the big dramatic reveal?”
… What about it?
“For once, I’ve got no issue with the object itself, or with your interpretation of it. It really did prove that Oliver had been left completely alone, to survive on his own, having to overwork himself to the extreme. Which is why he fell to despair. So, I guess I oughta congratulate you. You did get the core of it – the soul. But after that, it all crumbles.”
She said.
Do you think-
Do you think anything like this could develop in this way?
Could a caring uncle and aunt exist in Oliver’s world? If they did, he surely would have had no need to go to such extremes.
But most of all-
Could such awful, terrifyingly disgraceful parents just-
DECIDE TO COME BACK THE NEXT DAY???
I refused.
I refuse to accept her truth.
Go away.
Don’t say it.
Don’t break this world, this reality, this truth in which everything ends well-
“Like hell I ain’t gonna break it, you dork! It’s all a lie! Maybe you should stop living so much inside your own head and come out sometime! You know, so the sun can re-heat your ideas! Wahahaha!”
That whole happy end of yours, as per usual – is an absolute, shameless, atrocious lie.
“Okay. So that’s it. You have come into my world, my Tale, my mystery – to claim most of what I’ve told to be a lie. Now that you’re done insulting me and my truth, will you please fucking leave?”
“Nope. Still not done.”
…
One, two, three, four, five…
“Yeah, yeah, try to contain your pure rage. I don’t give a shit. Because now I will destroy the other foundation of your Tale.”
I’ve already proven it’s not Truth.
Now I will prove… that it’s no mystery.
Her unnerving grin, which had at some point left her face, came back wider than ever. And so she spoke.
“Let us play a little game. Now I will list the Rules of Mystery, and we’ll see just how many of those you’ve broken, okay?”
First: It is forbidden for the culprit to be anyone not mentioned in early parts of the story.
“That one doesn’t apply. Since there is no real ‘culprit’ in this case, in the traditional sense, we can omit that.”
Second: It is forbidden for supernatural agencies to be employed as a detective technique.
“Haaahahahahahaha! Already completely broke this one, what with your indiscriminate use of the Porcupine through the middle to late parts of the story! Fucking idiot, after this, your tale is no longer a mystery! But I’ll do you a favor and – continue.”
Third: It is forbidden for hidden passages to exist. Fourth: It is forbidden for unknown drugs or hard to understand scientific devices to be used.
“Hmm, those are fine so far too. Moving on.”
Fifth: It is forbidden for an accident or intuition to be used as a detective technique.
“Pfffft. Do I even need to point out this one? You’ve been basing yourself off of intuitions since the very beginning. Accidental discoveries have also become a staple of yours, so… Wahahaha!”
She read the rest of the rules. Quite a few of them were broken.
So, in the end, it seems even that-
Even my mystery is going to be taken away from me.
Tell, me Ellie.
You who are the incarnation of my worst nightmares.
Is this really the end?
Is all I’ve worked so hard to obtain – gone now?
Must I shoulder all of these irredeemable sins alone, now that my only escape has been denied?
“… Yes. Yes, you must. Yes, you will. … Though, I think I’ve been a bit too cruel. Maybe I should offer you one last chance. Indeed, I’ll do that. Someday, you’ll be offered a real mystery to solve, a real truth to find and proclaim – in my own Tale, that is. For now, though. It would be nice if you went back to reality, and saw the truth of Oliver’s story unfold… Hahaha! It’s been a fun one, friend of friends! See you around soon!”
And with that.
She was gone.
Never to been seen again – in this Tale, that is.
And instead, in front of me was –
Oliver.
In an empty room.
Only him and I were there.
He had tears in his eyes and a phone on his hand.
He hung up.
Picked up a pen and the notebook he had been carrying on his bag – that I had read to him aloud just a moment before.
He crossed out something in the page. I could barely manage to read it from my position.
But from what I could gather –
“Wednesday job. Fired.”
And he cried.
He cried in pain, in despair.
Forget happy ends, his life was only worsening by the minute.
But that’s what – her truth was.
That was the Tale Ellie had defiled.
And looking at such utter desperation, there was nothing more I could do.
I said goodbye to Oliver.
Once and – forever.
And after all was said and done, the conclusion reached and the truth obtained.
I slowly walked back home, my mind completely numb and unable to keep a consistent train of thought.
And before I had noticed, I had arrived.
This time, I had no friend to wish good night to.
This time, no happy end to celebrate.
Still, there’s someone I can say good bye to.
… You, the spectator. So, goodbye. Let us meet again – in the next Tale.
…
“Woops, forgot to mention. The final proof of this Tale’s worthlessness is in the fact that you knew the truth from the moment you read that notebook – at the very beginning of everything. Does that not prove how much of a worthless lie you and your tale are? Tee-hee.”
PAINLESS PORCUPINE: END.
Ding-dong.
"Hngg... Who is it?"
I woke up from my nap to the sound of the doorbell ringing.
I tried to rack my brain as hard as I could, but I couldn't remember any appointments I had made at this hour, nor could I think of anyone who would come here unannounced on their own.
My friends would have at least sent a text message beforehand...
So I couldn't help but wonder.
I slowly made my way down to the front door, doing my best to not fall down the stairs in my half-asleep state.
It didn't even cross my mind that I probably wasn't projecting a very nice image to whoever was waiting. I probably looked like absolute crap. But oh well, thinking about it in retrospect, it would have been a good tactic to drive off unwanted visitors.
I doubt any salesperson would seriously attempt to get a sale with a half-asleep minor who looked like he hadn't left the basement in a month.
Regardless, that's something I can only say in retrospect. To be perfectly honest, all I wanted right then and there was to get this annoyance over with and go back to sleep.
And so I opened the door, praying that whoever it was would just go away without much resistance.
Then I saw her.
"Yahho, friend of friends. How're you doing today? I see you're not in your highest hours now are you. Would you prefer I leave and come back later, after you've had your nap? Oh, but we can't do that, we really can't. I'm sorry, friend, but I can't just leave you alone, I hope you understand!"
"... Ellie."
"Hm? What is it? Something the matter, friend? Something you wish to say?"
"... Can you please shut up and go away?"
"Whaaaaaa? But I just said I can't, didn't I? This is an urgent matter friend! Cone on, just stop complaining and agree to do as I say before I have to waste energy punching you until you agree!"
... She was the exact same as always.
I would probably have been freaked out of my mind by her mere presence before. But for some reason, it seemed like I wasn't even fully registering her presence.
It really did feel like that.
Like I just-
Didn't really care anymore.
I really did just want to go back to sleep.
I was done with all the fighting against this girl for the 'truths' and the 'lies' and the 'natural' or 'supernatural'.
If the only way of getting that dumb and excruciating battle over was by surrendering, then sure, she could have it her way for all I cared.
"No, no, and no, friend of friends. You simply don't get it, sheesh... I'm not fighting against you out of pleasure or because I want you to say 'hey, good job, you've won!'. I need you to understand. To understand the reason I care about it by yourself. Or to put it just a bit more bluntly, I won't shut up and leave you alone until your dumbass useless half brain can fully accept my truth as the only one. Get it? So for God's sake, fix that shitty bed face of yours, get dressed and come back here."
...
And so it finally dawned on me.
I couldn't refuse.
No matter what, I had to play along with her game.
Her game.
I had lost at my own game, so this was my punishment.
So unless I wanted to go bad to sleep and never wake up -
No, even so, she wouldn't let me.
She didn't want an eternal stalemate or a shallow, incomplete victory.
She didn't want any of that.
In fact, she would only be happy when- she had completely and utterly destroyed me.
And so, with no other choice, I resolved myself.
I slammed my door shut on Ellie's face.
But she didn't look mad.
Rather, she was smiling.
***
“Oh, that was slow, man. You really like to keep ladies waiting that much? I’ve gotta do something about that massive ego of yours one of these days.”
So she said.
I had gotten changed as fast as I had been able to, and I had come back down with a speed I thought myself unable to ever achieve.
And even then she was dissatisfied.
Though I guess being permanently dissatisfied might as well be part of her DNA. Or maybe it’s just her personal hatred of all things me.
Who knows.
I didn’t care enough to ask. In fact, I didn’t as much as utter a single word as Ellie quickly and thoroughly scanned my whole being the moment I opened the front door for the second time.
“Hmm. Though I guess for now it’s the least of your issues. Anyway, now that you’re finally here, care to come for a walk with me?”
That was the intention since the very beginning. Not that you would ever have let me refuse, of course.
…
It was a lively winter evening.
Christmas decorations were already all over the town, the festive ambient omnipresent thanks to the people happily laughing and celebrating the approaching end for the year in advance.
Kids, especially, were all a bundle of energy bringing life to the place completely by themselves - some laughed and rejoiced at being free from school for a few days, and some cried and tried to make up excuses for their bad marks before a pair of parents in varying degrees of rage and disappointment.
I couldn't help but smile.
It truly was a wonderful, heartwarming sight - though I couldn't help but wonder why Ellie would want to show me this.
Still, whatever her reason, and I was certain it wouldn't be a pleasant one, I had to genuinely thank her.
For this moment of pure, unadultered joy she let me experience.
I closed my eyes.
While I continued walking, I closed my eyes - to better soak up in this atmosphere. The sound, the smells, the mood...
And just at my side, I could hear another pair of footsteps.
Of course, they were Ellie's.
Her rhythmic steps reminded me of her presence, while also comforting me in a sense. As long as she was there with me, I could be sure - none of what I was seeing, hearing smelling..
None of what I was feeling was a dream.
It was reality. A reality we both shared, and that nobody else could deny.
But suddenly-
With no warning, she simply stopped walking.
She stood still.
So I, too, stopped walking.
And I once again opened my eyes, my mind still absorbed in the town's ambient.
...
......
"What... What is this?"
"Hm? Is there a problem, friend? Anything on your mind?"
"Where... Is everyone?"
I said, unable to comprehend.
I didn't get it, I couldn't believe my senses.
Because from the moment I had opened my eyes...
The town was completely and absolutely empty.
There wasn't a soul in sight.
Not a single sound to be heard, no smell to be perceived.
No life.
An illusion.
An illusion within an illusion, or maybe - truth.
"What do you mean, friend of friends? Oh, never mind, I got it. Don't worry about it too much, it's nothing worth getting hung up on. I've decided to, uhhh... I guess make your life easier?"
"How... What... Huh?"
"You don't need to ask too much. In fact, I forbid you from asking. I don't feel like explaining yet. All I'll say is, having all those nuisances removed will make this proceed much more smoothly."
"Proceed... Smoothly... But what about all those people?! What did you do to them, Ellie?!"
"Hey, hey! Calm down, big boy! Nothing happened to them, okay? They weren't even there in the first place. It's all in your mind after all. This world..."
I stood with my mouth hanging open, unable to reply.
This... A dream?
It just couldn't be true.
It couldn't -
"Oh, come ONNNNNN! Don't start with the overacting already! We haven't even started this game yet. I just thought I'd make the walk a bit more pleasing to you, is all. That's how you're thanking me? If I'd known, I would just have brought you here in silence."
...
Deep breaths.
Dream world. Ellie controls it. This is her "game".
...
Okay.
I understood so far.
However hard to believe this all was, and no matter how afraid of the mere idea of being in a world controlled by Ellie I was, I had no choice but to accept it.
Remaining stuck here would only hurt me.
Getting terrified, reacting violently, struggling like a cornered prey seconds away from its death-
That's exactly what would give Ellie an advantage.
The moment I stopped thinking and let empty preconceptions and assumptions take control over my actions, I had already lost.
That much was fact, undoubtedly proven before.
During our last confrontation...
During my second battle with her.
Two fights, two losses.
Would the third time be the charm? Or...
"Okay. Okay, Ellie, I understand. So what's the game about this time? What are your rules?"
"Oh! Right to the point, I see! Good, good. It looks like last time's beating finally got the message through, hahahaha!"
She laughed, evidently pleased. I was trying my damned hardest to play long, so that I could get this game of hers over with.
Going bad to my peaceful life was my top priority.
"Yes, I've been working on controlling my temper a bit. Can you explain the game already?"
I lied to speed up the process. I still didn't like talking to her at all - some things I can't change no matter how much willpower I put in.
"Yes, yes. Coming right up. So, do you know what place we're in right now?"
I looked around once more, devoid of my initial shock from mere moments ago.
Of course I knew this place. I could never forget it.
"Yes. This is the park two streets behind the school."
"Ding-ding! You are, of course, correct. So then, I'm sure explaining the importance of this place would only be redundant."
"Yeah."
"In that case, I will tell you what the setup is and what the objective of this game is. First off-"
She pointed at someone far away in the distance. I hadn't seen them before when I looked - though that meant little in this world.
That person, whose head appeared hidden behind the park's trees, was sitting completely still. So much so that I wondered if Ellie had frozen them in place on purpose.
"That person right there - is dead."
She said it like it was no big deal. And it really wasn't. I'm sure she'd resurrect them when the time came, or just make them vanish into thin air.
"And your objective," she continued, "is to uncover the events that lead to their death. I don't care how or what methods you use, as long as you can unveil the truth behind their passing. Because only when you do- only then will you be able to reach them."
"Wha...?"
I walked towards that person behind the tree. What did she mean by 'reach them'? Figuring out her metaphors would take me a whi-
*thump*
Ow.
That one hurt.
Right as I was walking towards that person I couldn't fully see, an invisible wall had suddenly come in my way - or, to be fair to the wall, I had inadvertedly slammed myself head-first into it.
"See what I was saying? It wasn't some metaphorical bullshit. I literally meant you'll have to uncover the truth to physically become able to reach that dead body over there. And I think that about covers it for my part. Any questions?"
"... Am I allowed to know anything at all about that person?"
"Hm? Ah, yeah, I guess you'd want that kind of information beforehand. And sure, you can know anything about them except their name."
"..."
"..."
"... So you gonna tell me or...?"
"I only know their name. Tee-hee."
I felt disappointed at myself for even hoping I'd get anything helpful out of Ellie.
“So then, should I just go ahead and start investigating, or…?”
“Yeah, sure. The faster you reach the truth, the sooner we can end this pointless battle between us.”
Pointless…
It really was. But hearing it from her lips, from her that had started it in the first place, made my blood boil.
If it really was so pointless, why did she have to keep it going for this long…?
Why not end it during our first ever confrontation…?
… Oh, never mind.
Forget I mentioned that.
It couldn’t have happened like that.
So in that case, yes, I finally understood why she had come back to drag me into here… ruining the Tale of the Painless Porcupine in the process.
She really would have ended appearing anyway… so at least, in a sense, it’s good that she did it this early. This way, and just like she’d say-
It can be settled quickly and effectively, without wasting time on needless junk.
… I still couldn’t believe how much I had been agreeing with her since I entered this world. Though I’d say it isn’t strange, since she can possibly control my thoughts to a certain extent.
“Anyway, friend of friends. I’ll stay here doing nothing for the majority of the time you spend investigating, so please feel free to do whatever, okay? You can explore any areas you want in the whole world except that section blocked off by the transparent wall. Oh, also, don’t worry about laws of physics or anything. This IS a dream world, after all. So just do whatever.”
She said, directly telling me to discard common sense whenever needed…
So, right at that moment. Though, in fact, I had already done it quite a while before, so I didn’t have to worry about it much. All this meant was that my investigation was unrestricted except for that small amount of space I could not reach.
And so, with the whole known universe at my disposal, I knew exactly where I needed to start.
After all, it was no coincidence that the place I couldn’t access was-
That place.
Just by learning that detail, I instinctively knew that it had to be related to that incident.
An incident- which was completely my fault.
So much my fault, in fact, that you might even wonder if anyone else was involved – which they definitely were.
So then.
I guess it’s time to revisit that incident, I thought to myself.
I found myself in front of the place in question in no time. The very beginning.
I tried to remember… though there was barely any need. There was no way I could forget a single detail.
The first scene – two characters, standing in the middle of that lonely street.
***
ME: Main Character.
CLAUDIA: Friend.
I stood there behind the trees, in the center of a small plaza.
Middle school kids and high school teens were going home, but I didn’t want to go back just yet.
So I didn’t move.
…
“Hey, &£/^¶! What are you doing here? Waiting for someone?”
I looked up, and there she was – Claudia, the closest thing I had to a female childhood friend.
Despite her cheery voice, after looking at her, I couldn’t help but feel… unsettled.
I knew she couldn’t help it. She was probably having it rough.
But it was also painful for me to see her like this.
“No, I’m just thinking about stuff. Zoned out for a bit. And you?”
“Ah… Hmm. Nothing in particular, I guess. Just passing by.”
“…”
“Hey, so… do you have anything to do right now?”
She asked shyly. I wasn’t used to hearing that tone from her.
“No, not really. Do you need anything?”
“So, I was thinking if you’d like to go for a walk around here for a bit. It’s been a while since we last had any free time…”
“Ah, yeah, no problem. Actually, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for a bit now.”
“Oh, what a coincidence. I’ve also been meaning to ask you something for a while, hahaha!”
We both laughed together like in the good old days, forgetting all our problems if just for an instant.
***
And then the scene was over. I was in the exact same place I’d been, but all signs of life had disappeared.
I had returned to Ellie’s world.
I had all the time I could possibly want or need, so I slowly walked towards the next location in the list.
The inside of an old abandoned building, terribly kept and very much a potential hazard if one didn’t take enough care.
And once I was inside – the second scene.
***
ME: Main Character
NICK: Friend.
“Ahhh… Ahhh… AAAAAAAAHH!!!”
I was scared. Panicking. I couldn’t comprehend what was happening in front of my eyes.
“No… No… Aaaaah…”
I managed enough clarity to pick up my phone and call an ambulance.
But I still couldn’t accept it.
I wanted to close my eyes and look away, but my sight was glued to that horrid spectacle.
In my state of utter panic, I was only able to do one more thing – type a message to Nick.
And then I fainted.
…
When I came to my senses, Nick was right beside me.
“Hey, friend… are you all right?”
“Huh? Wha-? Hey, wh97!$”#@Ç´`ç´:¡¿+\|@=#€¨l¬€#32?”
“Ah… Don’t worry. It’s gonna be okay. The doctors said so a million times. Just rest and you can worry about it later, ‘kay?”
“No. Don’t lie to me. That thing… You can’t just say it’s going to be okay! DON’T LIE!”
I broke out of Nick’s grip, and summoning energy from where there was none, ran towards the exit of what once was a storage building.
I couldn’t let it stay like this.
It was my fault.
Completely, unequivocally my fault. If I hadn’t decided to come here… If I hadn’t moved towards that particular corner…
If I had noticed just a moment earlier…
If I had jumped instead…!
But even so, I had allowed it.
Even so, I hadn’t seen it on time.
And now… And now (/&/(“(/&$%/·&(/”)(==)(/&/()(=)(YT//UY/(/)“$%$·$%”·”$%$!%&!!!!!!!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
… I tripped over a rock that had fallen in the accident.
Slammed my head against the floor.
And then, black.
***
A difficult scene to remember, it was…
I couldn’t help but feel a single tear going down my cheek.
But I couldn’t give up, not yet. Getting sentimental isn’t something a detective should do in any case.
And I was a detective. Nothing more, nothing less.
So I simply kept moving, leaving the building in ruins behind me.
My next destination – the closest hospital.
Inside that one room…
***
ME: Main Character.
PHILIP: Doctor.
EMMA: Patient.
“…”
I stared at the ceiling in silence.
My wristwatch had been taken away for some reason, and since I was told not to move, I had no way of knowing how long I had been like this.
Doing nothing, powerlessly laying in bed as time slipped by.
“I’m really sorry, but… there’s nothing we can do anymore. It’s a lost cause.”
So had said the doctor when he first came to visit me after I’d woken up.
There was no hope. In the end, this is how it had ended. I cursed my past self, whose selfish decisions had led him to where I was right now. They had changed the fate of other people for the worse – and sentenced a person to their death.
And I could only stare at this ceiling, wailing in self-loathing and filling the pool my tears had slowly but surely been forming in the pillow.
…
I was in a room with two beds, though the second one had been empty so far – but it didn’t really surprise me when the doctor came in with a girl about my age, with wounds all over her body.
She was being carried in a wheeled bed, and was moved to the one beside me – bigger and surely more comfortable, though I’m sure those aspects in particular were not precisely at the forefront of the doctor’s mind.
The girl was completely conscious, and her expression scared me more than I would have thought possible.
She didn’t look tired. She didn’t look hurt. She didn’t look weak.
She looked furious.
She was struggling and fighting against the doctor, who had to firmly tie her wrists together behind her back before laying her in bed.
And upon closer inspection of her wounds – it was obvious nobody had done those to her.
The doctor gave her what I could only assume was a strong sleeping drug, before going outside once more.
My heart sunk to a new low as the room was left in silence again – with only the girl’s occasional snores to remind me of the existence of a world outside my own pain.
As cruel as it sounds, thinking about what that girl must have been going through was the only thing keeping me sane.
***
That girl and that doctor. Two people I would never see again, but who somehow had left such a big impression on me…
Now, the trip down memory lane was close to completion.
There was only one place left to visit before heading back to that park, where Ellie was surely waiting for me in the exact spot I had left her at.
So I decided to hurry.
I needed to get it over with soon.
Else, I didn’t know if I could resist much more-
…
……
I got to the place.
This is it, I muttered to myself, as I went towards the final location.
... And so there I was, before I'd known it.
***
ME: Main Character.
OLIVER: -:)#*%%($-*#7*-.
ELLIE: Isos.
...
......
I can't do it.
I give up.
Forgive me...
***
I couldn’t gather up the courage to revisit the last scene.
So, this was it. I would have to fill in those blanks for the last part on my own, but that's okay. Ellie did want me to 'solve a mystery ' after all. Though it was only ironic - that even for the last mystery, all the rules would be twisted and altered.
Still, I wouldn't have it any other way.
So I thought one last time, as I gathered up all my courage and went back to that park - where it all began, and where it all shall end.
Ellie was there, a wide grin on her face as she saw me approach her.
My steps resonated on that lifeless, empty world.
And then when I looked into her eyes, each a complete void that threatened to swallow me whole, she spoke at last.
“So. Here you are, friend of friends. I hope your little memory adventure went well.”
“…”
“Excellent. In that case, we can finally move to the final stage of this Tale, and of all this Story. Don’t you think?”
“Yes, it’s about time. I understand now.”
“Ohoho, such conviction… Then, Mr. Fake Detective. Let us begin. I shall play the role of the perpetrator for this final farce…”
“Sure thing, Miss Fake Culprit. Bring it on.”
Her small and slender figure now towered over me, her imposing presence making all alarms ring inside my body.
But those were just instincts. There was nothing to fear anymore.
“So, Detective. Answer me this. When did this event begin?”
“In a weekday like any other. Right after school had started.”
“I see. Then, Detective. What did I, the culprit, perpetrate in this incident?”
“Murder. You murdered three people. Robbed them of their lives forever.”
“Perfect. And would you be so kind to, in true detective fashion, tell me how everything went down?”
She asked that of me.
But of course, no matter how much she wanted to play fool, she knew I wasn’t a true detective. There was no mystery to be solved here. I was a fake, a charade.
And so, I answered. The only way I knew how.
You lured your loved ones, made them follow your selfish script. But out of carelessness, you failed to account for the setting. You committed a fatal mistake.
Your loved ones were killed. And you couldn’t stand it. You had missed your initial objective, the one you had wanted dead the most, and instead killed the ones keeping you alive. So, lost as you were, you called upon everyone else who was in your side – all of your other loved ones – and betrayed them one by one, until there were none standing.
But you didn’t kill them. You stopped at the heavy wounds, never making them fatal. Which only further increased their pain. And them you left them to rot, you left them to die knowing that they wouldn’t.
After that, you wandered alone with no destination.
You wandered alone, until you arrived at the place where it had all started – and there, sitting in a bench and with their head hanging low, you found your last victim. And then you completely and utterly – killed them.
“Ohh, good job, friend of friends! You’ve nailed the meat of it all, haven’t you! That was certainly the most difficult part. So, so! The excitement rises, the crowd can’t wait! Will you be able to solve the last mystery? Will you be able to… reveal whose corpse that is that lies on that bench, awaiting the day it rots beyond recognition?! You’ve got THREE TRIES, my friend!”
Finally.
At last, we had arrived at the conclusion. I would answer this question and – finally be released.
“That person… is someone that has appeared in this story before.”
“Excellent! Knox’s First, no issue!”
“No tricks were used in their killing. Both the perpetrator and the victim were unequivocally human.”
“Yes, yes, that’s right! This clears up a bunch of them, you know! Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, all check! Go on, go on, the public’s waiting!”
“The truth can be reached via mere logic, with no need for accidents or intuition. I can also assure that I, the detective, was not the killer, and that I’ve revealed all the information needed for the case to be understood.”
“Ohh, Six, Seventh are covered, and it seems like Eighth is…! Wait. Eighth… Never mind. Please continue.”
Her grin had completely vanished, but it only lasted for a split second. It came and went so quickly that I couldn’t help but doubt my senses.
“And to finish off – no thoughts have been concealed, and no one’s body double had anything to do with this.”
“Hmm, yes. Tenth, check. Though that one was mostly a formality, of course. Anything else you wish to add?”
I thought it over.
But, I really had said everything I could think of. Now there was only one thing left – to say the name of the victim, and we’d be done…
“No. Nothing to add, Ellie. It’s over now. The name of the victim is-“
“Woah woah woah. Stop right there. You’ve failed, friend of friends. You haven’t solved the ninth rule, nor the eighth for that matter. It was so fucking easy, but even so, you’ve still managed to fail. This is no longer anyone’s fault but your own. As it always has been.”
I struggled to make sense of all of this. In an instant I had gone from being completely confident to terribly afraid. I looked Ellie straight in the eye.
But her face – Ellie’s face, it looked like it wanted to kill me, to assassinate me, to cut me down to pieces-!
“Wh-what…? What do you mean I’ve failed?! I answered everything right, didn’t I!”
“OF COURSE NOT, FUCKING IDIOT! YOU’VE LIED TO ME AGAIN! YOU’VE LIED TO YOURSELF AGAIN!!! What do you MEAN you have presented all the clues?! What about that scene you completely refused to remember?! WHAT ABOUT IT?!”
“What about… That scene wasn’t necessary! It was just superfluous information! It could be deduced from elsewhe-“
“NO IT COULD NOT! And that’s not all. That’s not even the worst part. The most insulting, horrendous, impossibly idiotic thing is – all your thoughts are a lie! They’ve been since the very beginning! You know as well as I do, about what happened back then! Why, why do you keep hiding it from yourself! Why do you keep lying to your own mind like that?!?! It’s impossible, it makes no sense, why can’t you ACCEPT IT?!”
As Ellie broke down completely, I crumbled in fear. I fell to my knees, shaking from pure terror.
“LIAR! What terror and what piece of shit! Everything, it’s all a lie, for fuck’s sake! Why must you exist? Why must I exist? Can’t we just end this already? You were SUPPOSED to UNDERSTAND with this game! One more tale, one more fantasy, one more chance for you to get it! But you didn’t! You held tight to your fucking, fucking, fucking, FUCKING ESCAPISM! …Okay, you know what. I’m done. I’m off. Go die alone. That’s what you wanted, no? To indulge in happy self-insert, wish-fulfillment fictions of your brain until you just rotted away in the middle of nowhere! Then so be it, have it your way, I don’t give a fuck! Dying is all you deserve, scum! Those that are already dead will never come back!!!”
…
…….
“Ellie, no… Please, I beg you… I don’t want to end like this…”
“Oh? That’s surprising. NOW you decide to be honest? Too late, BRO. I said I’m done, and I’m done.”
“No… please, I want to hold on to that last hope…!”
“Oh. Oh, I see. You refuse to acknowledge the issue, but pray every day for the solution to magically come. Hate to break it to ya, but that’s not how it goes.”
“I beg you-!”
“STOP IT!”
“…”
“Why, why… why must you be so scared of me? Why… must you be scared of yourself?”
And so she vanished.
Alone, I had nowhere to go. Nothing to do.
I looked up at the sky.
From that bench in the park, where the corpse that had once been me waited for nature to reclaim it once more.
RAMPAGING RAVEN END
ME: Main Character, Detective.
ELLIE: Main Character, Culprit.
“James! Wake up already, you’re gonna be late for school again!”
“Oh, sheesh, mom! I’m going, I’m going!”
And so, I was woken up to another brand new day – though it sucked needing to run like there was no tomorrow, having overslept yet again.
I quickly got dressed while mentally checking that I hadn’t forgotten to do any homework or study for some exam.
Devouring my breakfast and getting my school bag ready in a time only trained experts at going late like myself could achieve, I was out of my house and walking towards school barely ten minutes after I’d woken up.
… Though I soon noticed a lot of my inhuman efforts were wasted. I arrived at school with over five minutes of time left until the bell rang.
So I just did what anyone would in my situation. I grumpily plugged in my headphones to my phone, listening for the umpteenth time to that one song I’d been addicted to for almost a week now.
But even that didn’t last too long, as not even halfway through the three-minute song, I felt someone tapping rhythmically at my shoulder.
“… Yo Nick. Can you please leave me alone for three freaking seconds?”
“Nah, no chance. What would I gain by that? And why you even complaining in the first place, man, you already know that song by heart.”
“Yes I do, and I don’t plan to stop listening to it anytime soon. Anyway, what do you want.”
“Aw, man, I didn’t know you needed a REASON to talk to a friend!”
… Maybe I was being kind of an asshole to him after all.
Not that I would stress over it in the slightest. Nick himself wasn’t exactly a role model for people who wanted to be nice. It’s common sense that you don’t disturb a person wearing headphones unless you, at the very least, have something concrete to say to them.
Regardless, now even if I went back to my song I would have to leave it unfinished, so I idly chatted with Nick until class started.
… And until they finished.
Yeah, honestly, I’ve never been one to pay too much attention to classes – or rather, more accurately, I just get easily distracted. It’s hard for me to focus if I don’t care, you know?
I would still end up passing all my subjects, barely.
Hopefully.
***
Lunch break.
Finally, a time to not be bored and socialize a bit – as long as they didn’t catch me, that is. Technically you’re not supposed to use your phone for anything other than academic purposes, but I know for a fact that the number of people following that rule is zero out of over a thousand.
And yeah, I include the teachers there.
I’ve seen my fair share of middle-aged men and women playing Candy Crush while sitting at their desk, a smirk on their faces as they glanced at us between every level. We, however, were used to inhuman punishments while this happened – because how else would you call a paper filled to the brim with functions to derivate and integrate?
Tell me. How would you. Because I’d like to know if there’s anyone able to still like math after going through THAT in high school.
Regardless, and getting back on topic.
Since everyone used the phone equally and there were far too few teachers to punish every single student doing it, at some point they all just stopped caring.
And so, wanting a break from Nick and his usual antics, I had gotten into my usual hiding spot, prepared to read some books and play some games and-
*Brrr-brr*
… So much for that, I thought.
I went to see who was messaging just when I was about to enter my daily state of zen.
I was surprised when I saw the message wasn’t from Nick, but rather, from Claudia.
Which meant I would actually reply to this one without wasting any time.
“Hey, James, sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a small favor? You can say no if you’re busy, of course, I don’t want to inconvenience you…”
Damn, this girl really did apologize way too much. It was kinda cute, but sometimes I worried over her evident insecurity.
“Yah what’s up? Don’t worry, just ask whatever and I’ll see what I can do”
“Ah, thank you! So, I remembered I still had that game you lent me, and wanted to give it back to you at school today, but our teacher’s keeping us in class during lunch break to explain a field trip we’re having next week…”
“So uhhh do we meet after school in the front door, for example? That okay with you?”
“Yeah, that’s perfect! See you after school then!”
Welp. It really wasn’t anything to important, huh… guess I’d gotten my hopes up. Again. I should really stop doing that.
Regardless of my hopelessly hopeful hopes regarding Claudia, though, there was something else I needed to be doing at that very moment. Book’s not gonna read itself after all…
***
The rest of the school day passed with almost nothing remarkable.
Or so I’d like to say.
But passing an exam by barely a quarter of a point was the most stressful thing I’ve had to live through in a while.
Other than that, though, it really was as unremarkable a day as you could get.
Incidentally, the book I had been reading during lunch break and continued for a bit during class happened to be very good.
It was a surprisingly deep representation of different teens’ insecurities and trauma, all framed in a supernatural mystery setting, where the trauma presented itself as aberrations taking the form of animals.
It wasn’t a book I had ever heard of before. I also hadn’t watched the television series, nor knew of its existence until someone else mentioned it to me.
It had been just a random book Nick had sent me a digital copy of, which I had saved into my phone without much expectation, but now that I’d actually started reading it – there was no way I could put it down until I was done with it.
That book managed to deeply resonate with me in such a short time, I don’t think many other novels have done that for me in a long time.
I thought I should probably show it to Claudia. She seemed to have read some similar stuff before, if my memory worked correctly – and even if she hadn’t, I just felt I needed to recommend it to someone.
And just as I thought that-
The bell signaling the end of the school day rang loud, every student on sight rushing to get out of there as fast as their legs would carry them.
I, of course, immediately did the exact same as all of them.
And went straight for the front door of the school.
However, of course, I couldn’t just go straight home – not that it had been the plan at any point, but more so now that I had promised Claudia to meet here. Last thing I’d ever do was forget about a
And so there I was, at the front gate.
My back lying against the fence, in pain, and my bag in the dirty floor, probably in pain too.
But before long, not even having left me enough time to fully check all my group chats, I noticed Claudia standing right next to me, a smile on her face as she held out the game case to me. Usually I would have checked the disk and the manual were both inside and in the same condition I lent them in, but I thought it would be kind of rude to do it in front of her like that.
After all, if there was a single one of my friends who had never done any damage to my property, it had to be her. She had certainly earned my trust.
I simply took the plastic DVD-like case and carefully stored it in my bag. Game was worth half a kidney nowadays.
“Hey, so…”
She spoke. Or more like shouted, because the noise levels at this hour were inhuman.
“Hm? What’s up? Something urgent? I’ll probably hear you better if you wait for people to go away!”
“Nah, it’s okay. I can tell you like this.”
Actually, her voice wasn’t that loud. I didn’t know how she managed to communicate in that tone with the, uh, ambient noise.
She continued speaking.
“So… I have nothing to do right now. My parents are out with my brothers to get them vaccinated, and I forgot my keys at home so… would you mind if I hanged out with you for a while? U-unless you don’t want to be late yourself, of course…”
Damn. This was an unexpected offer.
Common sense told me to refuse and go back home.
But I really had no intention of going home for a while that day. None whatsoever. Not a chance.
So my options were two.
Stay alone until I decided to go back, possibly reading more of that book I was so hooked to, or go for a walk with Claudia and talk about the same old topics all over again.
…
The decision was clear.
“Yeah, sure, let’s go wherever for a while. I’ll tell my parents I’ll be doing a group project or something, should be enough to convince them.”
I said that, but there really was no need to even message my parents.
So I just pretended I did, and with no guilt weighing in my conscience, started walking with no destination or purpose other than to kill time.
Claudia came right behind me.
“…”
“…”
We both stayed silent for a few minutes, silently thinking to ourselves while enjoying the other’s company.
Eventually, though, I spoke. With no intent to break an awkwardness that wasn’t there. I had simply just thought of a topic.
“So how was the game? Did you finish it?”
“Ah, yeah I did! Just yesterday, actually. It was amazing, one of the best games I’ve ever played. It was just so well made and charming, everything it does is simple yet charismatic… Thank you so much for letting me keep it this past month, it’s really been so great…”
“Oh. Damn. I knew you seemed to like it when I showed it to you back at my place, but I didn’t actually expect you to like it so much. I’m impressed. Pity all the other entries are on different consoles, though…”
“Ah, that’s no issue. Just for this game I bought a Wii with backwards compatibility. Now I can play the first and third games in the series, even if I have to pirate one of them. Hehe.”
She flashed a teasing smile at me.
My heart skipped a beat.
“Damn… You bought a whole CONSOLE for the game?! So you couldn’t even play it when you asked me to lend it to you?! Oh God, you’re a danger to your house’s economy. I better keep all my cool games hidden next time until I make sure which consoles you own…”
“N-no, please don’t do that! Awww, you’ll ruin all my fun now, and all because I played the game you lent me… Guess next time I’ll have to keep it in its case, untouched… Goodbye happy life…”
She made the worst impression of a sad face I’d seen in ages. If she actually thought she’d get me with that, I should probably have to do some big self reflection on the image I give people.
“… Okay, okay, I’m not gonna stop showing you games. I enjoy that as much as you do. But next time maybe ask me to lend you the console too instead of buying it yourself just for three games, will you?”
“Okaaay. Though I didn’t buy a Wii for three games. I really do want to play a lot of stuff in that thing. Plus, it was cheap. What can you do about it.”
“Give you more games for it. Maybe actually gift you a game so you don’t have to rely on me to give you everything.”
“Haaa… I guess that’s a good point.”
…
Nobody mentioned her birthday being the day after.
I knew she didn’t exactly like being reminded of it outside of the day in question, so I said nothing. I also wouldn’t spoil the present I’d gotten her for anything in the world.
The conversation kind of died out again after a bit more of our gaming exchange. It was really nice having someone else share your hobbies and who you could talk so passionately about them.
…
“Hey, so…”
She said, breaking the silence once more.
Her tone had completely changed, though.
“Hmm?”
“I-it’s nothing important, there’s just one thing I’ve been meaning to tell you, and since we’re having this nice walk together, I thought I might…”
“Oh, sure. Tell me whatever you need.”
“… You promise you won’t get mad at me?”
“Uh, yeah of course, I can’t remember ever getting seriously mad at you for anything anyway. But sure, I promise.”
“James… I-“
Bzzz-bzzz.
Bzzz-bzzz.
A phone vibrating.
It wasn’t mine, and there were only the two of us here, so it had to be Claudia’s.
I looked at her. Her face was red, she looked really flustered for some reason. Probably she had actually meant to tell me something important.
“…Yes? Mom? What happened?”
“Claudia, it’s your grandmother. She’s in the hospital right now. We are with her right now, she’ll be fine, don’t worry. Your father’s going back home to let you in since you forgot your keys. Wait for him, okay? He’ll tell you everything.”
Her face completely contorted into one of fear.
I didn’t blame her.
I couldn’t blame her.
Because I had already known.
As an acquaintance of the whole family and Claudia’s long-time friend, I had known – her grandmother, now entering her eighties, had been in pretty bad health since her husband had passed away some time prior.
And so this news didn’t come as a surprise – but that didn’t make it any less worrying.
I too was concerned.
I couldn’t imagine the possibility of someone I’d known just… dying.
Maybe I was naïve in that way.
But I really couldn’t stand the thought of a person ceasing to exist.
So, when I looked Claudia in the eye, I’m sure I came off as being more worried than I had any right to be.
Even so.
Seeing how, even now, she was having a hard time leaving me alone and running off to her house, I took the initiative myself.
“Go. Don’t make your family wait. If she sees you, I’m sure she’ll recover quicker.”
“B-but…!”
“There’s no time to worry about nonsense, damn it! Just go! I’ll be waiting in the usual place until you come back. You can tell me whatever it was then!”
With this, she seemed convinced. Or perhaps just scared of my aggressive reaction.
Regardless of which it was, the important part is-
She ran.
She ran as fast as she could, as far as she could, now with a very clear destination and purpose on her mind.
I couldn’t do anything other than keep my promise and patiently wait for her in the ‘usual place’.
The 'usual place', huh...
As suspicious as that might sound to some, it was nothing more than a small playground area where we used to play as children. We didn't really know each other by then other than from casual encounters – or maybe we did, but neither of us would remember. We were four years old.
What I did certainly remember, though, were all the later memories I had in that place. Our group of three friends, always sitting down in the same exact bench, to talk about whatever had happened that day to each of us.
In the weekends, we sometimes brought our handheld game consoles and played together for a while.
The trio formed my Claudia, Oliver and me…
Though Oliver had moved away last year.
It was not the same without him anymore. Though that doesn’t mean I was discontent. Claudia and I had never gone anywhere, and we could still have plenty of fun on our own.
… Though apparently, it seemed Oliver was coming back this week.
Perhaps what Claudia had wanted to tell me was related to that… tough in that case, one would question why she needed tackle it in such a roundabout way, when it was obvious she’d been meaning to say whatever it was for a while.
And as I thought about this.
I heard footsteps approaching, so I looked up.
And there, my gaze met a boy’s – one I knew well, but one I hadn’t seen in over a year.
“Yo, Oliver! Already here? I’ve missed you, mate!”
“Goddammit, James, I can’t even come visit this place without bumping into one of y’all!”
We hugged each other, and laughed together like we had never spent a single day apart.
“So how’ve you been, James? Got anything tasty to tell me? Did anything happen while I was gone that I should know, hm?”
“Uh… I don’t think so? And also, haven’t I been texting you regularly? If I had anything to say I would have already, sheesh.”
“So you say, so you say… But I just saw Claudia running to her home half crying, and I can’t imagine you know nothing about it.”
Oh.
He’d seen her…
She was crying?
She certainly wasn’t when I’d seen her run away…
I had already been worried, incredibly so – but after the brief moment of happiness upon reuniting with Oliver, now I was even more concerned for Claudia’s wellbeing.
It must have shown in my face.
“Hey, man, what’s up? Did you not know? Have I said something I shouldn’t?”
“N-no, it’s okay… Claudia had to go to the hospital because her grandmother’s really ill all of a sudden. I imagine she’s just really stressed out, but everything should be okay.”
“Oh, I see… I shouldn’t have been so insensitive. I thought… Well, never mind that. Come on, James, cheer up, will you? You said it yourself. Everything will be fine. Now stop worrying and go back home, it’s already late.”
“I can’t. There’s no way I’m going back there, with those people. Also, I’ve promised Claudia I’d wait for her right here. I can’t just break that promise, now can I.”
“Hm. I understand. I’m really sorry, man, I would stay here to talk with you, but I have to go now. We’re still unpacking things, and my parents will get angry if I stay away for too long. I’ll come here again if we finish soon, though, so keep an eye on your phone ‘cause I’ll tell you the minute I’m done. Sound okay?”
“Yeah, thank you, Oliver… See you later then!”
I tried to force a smile for a second.
But there was no way that would have fooled him.
He’d known me for years.
Claudia, Oliver and Nick…
The three people closest to me.
The three people I never wanted to lose.
…!
“Hey, Oliver!”
I called out to him as he walked away.
How had I not noticed before?
“Huh? What’s up?”
“Those injuries in your right arm… Where-?”
That stone-cold look in his eyes.
I knew it all too well.
“Sorry, man, I really have to go now. We can talk later, okay?”
And now for real, his steps multiple times faster and longer than before, Oliver went away.
He… ran away.
And I once again was left alone.
My worries ever increasing, my brain overworked and by body exhausted.
But I really did have nothing to do until Claudia came back. So I took out my phone, opened the PDF of the book, and read.
Words, and words, and words…
I lost myself within the pages of that book. A world I could only admire from the other side, dreaming of what it would be to experience something like it.
Some say that in recent years, escapism has become a serious issue for the new generations, who use the internet and videogames to get away from their sad reality.
But hasn’t it been like that for all of human history?
Hasn’t art always tried to provide an escape from the ordinary, a way for the spectator to imagine themselves inside those different worlds?
Literature, paintings, sculptures.
And in more modern times, movies and videogames.
Aren’t they all… just the same?
If we humans hadn’t always been more attracted to fiction and possibility than to the empiric reality we could touch…
Why did we make art? Why did we make religion? Why did we keep creating it and praising it and admiring it? There must be a reason.
…
No, this was bad.
I couldn’t start to think like this.
Reality was real, fiction was fictional.
Nobody could change that, no matter how hard I wished for it…
After a while, I finished the book.
It was just as amazing at the end as it had been at the beginning.
I couldn’t wait to read all the other volumes in that series – but that could wait for the next day.
I was tired.
I rested my head on my right arm, my body lying on the bench.
I was sleepy, and nobody would care if I took a nap here.
So I did.
I slept away my sorrows on that bench, knowing full well that they would come back to haunt me the moment I woke up.
My nap ended up not lasting for too long.
When I woke up, I looked at my clock – six thirty in the afternoon.
Since it was almost summer, the days were long, and there was still plenty of time until the sun would set.
There was nobody else on that park.
…
My phone had no unread messages either, which meant Oliver wasn’t coming anytime soon.
Even after my nap, though, I had no wish to go back home. I would still keep my promise to both my friends.
And just as I though that-
It seemed I wouldn’t have to wait too long.
I looked up and saw a familiar female figure coming towards me, gently smiling.
“Hello again, James. Thank you for waiting. I’m back.”
“How did it go? Is your grandmother all right?”
“Yes, she’s perfectly fine. They said she was just tired and needed rest, but was in good health otherwise. It was just the scare.”
I felt the tension and weight suddenly evaporate from my shoulders. Everything was fine. Nobody would die.
“That’s a relief…”
“Yes, it is, it really is…”
And then I remembered. I should probably tell her about what happened after she left...
“Hey, Claudia.”
“Yes?”
“I saw Oliver a bit after you left. He said he saw you… running home.”
I decided to omit the rest.
I felt like she didn’t want me to know she was crying. I would respect those feelings; I understood them well.
“Oh, I see… So he’s already back.”
“…”
She made no further comments.
But I didn’t really need any. Just seeing her face cloud was enough to tell me what I needed to know.
“Hey, so, Claudia.”
“Hm?”
“What was it that you wanted to tell me before?”
“Oh… Yeah, that. Hm. Mind if I tell you in another place?”
“Uh, yeah, sure. No problem for me.”
And so I got up and left the park, following Claudia.
Once more, we walked, talking about pointless topics together, reminiscing about old memories or commenting recent events.
It was a repeat of the previous scene – or maybe, a second act.
And once again, just like that time, I didn’t want it to end.
“Hey, Claudia, I just finished a book while I waited for you.”
“Oh? I thought you took a long, refreshing nap at a cool 30 Celsius outside of direct sunlight?”
“Well I did that too, I’m sleep deprived, what can I do about it.”
“True… Guess you have to take any chance you get. So anyway. What is it about that book?”
“It was amazing. I wholeheartedly recommend it. But there was this one thing about them that doesn’t sit right with me.”
“Oh? What is it? … If you can tell without spoiling the whole thing, mind you.”
“Yeah, it’s just a nitpick… The book revolves around supernatural beings and how they’re embodiments of the characters’ trauma. But the existence of those impossible creatures and events is never denied outright. And for a book that’s supposedly about proving how all of these events are not actually supernatural in nature, that seems… off?”
“Hm, I see. Well, I haven’t read that book but, from what you’re saying, maybe you’re understanding it wrong?”
“Huh? As in?”
“I don’t know, James, I feel like there must be a reason for the author to give that contradicting message. An explanation. If there isn’t, you can’t really call the book a good book, can you?”
… She had a point.
I didn’t argue back, I had nothing.
Though I would surely have to reread the book again, paying more attention.
…
I took some time to appreciate the scenery we walked through.
The town was almost empty at this hour, with only the rare pedestrian walking by and a few cars intermittently interrupting the silence.
But even so, it didn’t feel empty. It didn’t feel dead. It felt… peaceful.
As if nothing could disturb these people going about their daily lives.
We walked along those streets, forming part of that wonderful atmosphere. At times we happily chatted, and at others, we stopped to admire the silence as we moved towards our destination.
Claudia had decided where it was that she wanted to talk to me, it seemed.
She kept leading the way, never doubting for an instant – and after a while, I was pretty confident that I knew where she was taking me.
Where the town ended and the view became one of nature, roads and factories-
There was this one place.
A place with a lot of memories shared between us two, and us alone.
An abandoned warehouse, left to rot by its owner - but also the perfect place for some alone time. We had come here countless times for that ever since we discovered it.
But when I saw it...
My heart sank, if even for an instant.
It seemed it was being demolished at last. Pieces of debris were scattered across the floor, and a few yellow signs marked the potential danger inside that place. If one wasn't careful enough... A massive rock could fall in your head.
But even so, we entered.
"I wanted to come and tell you here. It might be the last time we're able to come, after all..."
I understood, and agreed to her request.
But now I couldn't help but be on edge for whatever she wanted to tell me. She'd been dragging it out for far too long at this point.
And the building being in the state it was, we couldn't afford to stay there any longer than absolutely necessary.
Claudia led me inside, sat in the usual spot, and waited until I was in mine.
She still looked reluctant to speak.
Her eyes evaded mine.
I couldn't take it anymore, this was getting insane.
Her face was red.
I could sense her trembling.
And then, from what felt like out of nowhere-
She finally spoke.
"James... I love you."
...
What?!
I felt my face burn and my heart beat with massive strength.
Suddenly, I didn't want to even look in Claudia's direction. Or rather, I physically couldn't.
I couldn't focus on anything, my mind was a complete mess. I wasn't even aware of my surroundings anymore.
I... I...
But I had to reply.
I had to do it now.
...
"I... I do too."
And then nobody spoke.
I couldn't do it; I was too embarrassed.
I'm sure she was the same.
...
The time passed, in complete silence.
But eventually, the embarrassment wore off.
After all, if any of us said they didn't know of the other's feelings at all - it would certainly be a lie.
We've been together for years, as it happens.
We knew each other better than we knew anyone else in the world.
While before our eyes had evaded the other's, now they were drawn together as if by magnetic force.
We were alone. Nobody could see us.
No matter what we did, only the two of us would know.
...
Shortly after, we had become one.
Suddenly, all the feelings we'd harbored for years came to take control of our minds and bodies.
Our whole word was reduced to each other.
Nothing existed outside that could come between us two.
But because of that, because of the soft and warm sensation of her lips against mine, I turned careless.
I wasn’t aware of where our feet carried us in out passionate embrace.
I didn't notice…
I didn't see...
And I made Claudia trip.
I made her trip, and she fell backwards.
I made her trip, and in the floor was a rock.
A piece of debris that had once been part of the wall-
It hit her head with a sharp edge, and she screamed in pain.
I fell and landed on my knees, my brain no longer registering what my senses told me was the truth.
…
What... had I done?!
How could this be true?
No, no, no…
This must be a mistake.
A bad dream.
Yes, I must be dreaming. Surely I hadn’t actually woken up from my nap in the park?
Yeah, that had to be it.
How else could you explain-
How else would it be possible-
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!”
I was so scared.
I couldn’t take it.
This couldn’t be. Claudia couldn’t die. She couldn’t.
Please, if there’s a god up there, please, spare her life!
Even if we can never be together, let her live, please, that’s all I ask for-!
Ah, that’s right-! An ambulance! Quick!
I needed to call an ambulance!
Quickly, right then and there, at that very instant-
…
……
They assured me they would be here in less than ten minutes.
Claudia, please, hold on… You’re always so strong, always so cheerful, always so willing to help others…
Tell me you kept some of that strength for yourself too-!
I really didn’t want to look at her.
I didn’t want to see her like this. So pitiful. At the verge of death. So extremely fragile…
But even so, even when I couldn’t stand to look at her any longer…
My eyes were still glued to her.
If I looked away, she’d disappear.
If I looked away, there would no longer be any hope.
So I didn’t look away.
And somehow, even then, I knew I couldn’t leave things like this. I needed to… tell someone else.
And I knew I could only trust one man now.
I messaged Nick telling him where I was and to come as quickly as he could.
Shortly after, I heard a distinct sound come from outside – the ambulance was here.
I pointed the medical staff to Claudia, and they rushed to help her immediately.
I was extremely relieved when they told me she’d live, when they got her into the ambulance and left.
It was like a massive weight had been lifted from my shoulders, I felt so much lighter now. And before I could realize it, sitting just besides the spot where Claudia had hit her head- I lost consciousness.
***
…
“-Ames! Wake up, James, god damn it!”
“Hnnng…”
Opening my eyes, I saw him, my friend and classmate, shouting at me from directly above.
A sight that was accompanied shortly after by his accidental spit on my face.
“Ow…”
“Oh! Sorry, man. Thank god you woke up, I’ve been here for thirty minutes already. What the hell happened here?!”
“Please, Nick… Not so loud, my head hurts…”
He seemed to just realize the fact that if I had been unconscious for over half an hour after hitting my head on the floor, and had just barely recovered my senses, maybe I wasn’t in perfect condition.
Only maybe.
“Ah… I’m really sorry, James. I was just so worried, you were right there on the floor, unconscious, and there was blood, and-“
Oh.
I remembered.
It had left my mind the moment I hit my head and lost consciousness, but now it was all flooding back.
The wait in the park. The walk with Claudia. Her confession inside the warehouse in ruins. And then… and then…
“AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!”
“James?! What’s up, James? An ambulance, we need an ambulance-!”
“Claudia! Claudia! Why?! What have I done???”
“Calm down, bro, everything’s fine! Tell me what happened and I’ll see what I can do, okay?”
“I… I… almost killed Claudia… What have I done, what have I done…”
Killed.
Nick froze the moment I said that word.
He looked around once more, and seemed to connect all the dots – blood on the floor, pointy rock, my desperate cries of pain and regret.
“… James, let’s go home. I’m sure Claudia will be fine, ‘kay? Just don’t blame yourself for it. It’s not your fault.”
“But it is, it’s all my fault, it’s all my fault, it’s all my fault!!!”
I kept crying and screaming from the floor, no energies left for anything else.
Nick pulled my arm.
He picked me up by himself, and forced me to walk. I was too weak to resist.
“Let’s go, James. You’re coming with me.”
“… Where to?”
“You’ll know when you get there.”
…
Slowly.
At a snail’s pace, moving at such a speed that even a tortoise might easily outrun us.
My mind was in the clouds, I couldn’t register anything going on around me.
So I didn’t question it when a car stopped right in front of us, and Nick helped me eat inside.
I recognized the driver, it was just Nick’s father.
They both exchanged a few words whose meaning I didn’t register, and the car started moving.
My head was hurting.
It throbbed continuously, the pain eating away at what was left of my sanity.
All those boring, bland landscapes that had looked so beautiful to me not long before passed me by as the car ran towards its destination.
Not an ounce of that beauty I’d felt before was now left.
And as the car kept going and going, getting farther away from that horrible place…
I once again started to give in to the peaceful darkness.
I fell asleep in Nick’s car, and when I woke up, all I saw was a white ceiling I wasn’t at all familiar with.
I was in a bed… Not mine, and not an especially comfortable one, but it was much better than sleeping in the car.
I was still tired.
For the fourth time that afternoon, I wanted to fall asleep and let time pass me by…
But it wasn’t meant to happen that way.
I heard a door open, and through it came a doctor, accompanied by Nick and his father.
“James. We have news about Claudia, and we thought you’d want to hear them.”
Nick said that, hoping that the sound of her name would jolt me awake – and that exactly it did.
“What? What’s gonna happen to her, doctor? She’ll be okay, right? Right?!”
“Calm down, James. She’s still alive, yes, but…”
The doctor’s voice was calm and composed, but his words hinted at a less than desirable news.
“But?”
“She’s entered a coma. We don’t know exactly when she’ll regain consciousness or whether there will be any lasting effects. She really was unlucky, if she hadn’t landed straight on a rock with all those sharp edges, , she would probably have fared better. But now all we can do is work hard towards her recovery, and don’t worry because we will. You’ve got nothing to fear. Okay? For now, focus on your own health, young man.”
He said that and he left, leaving me to wonder.
Just how bad was the son I’d committed?
If I had just been careful…
If I hadn’t gotten carried away…
I wouldn’t have made her trip and fall.
She would still be right at my side, and we would be happy as a new official couple…
But now I didn’t deserve to love her. I didn’t deserve to be loved.
All I wanted was for the earth to swallow me whole so I’d never hurt anyone anymore.
I could only stay there, immobile, looking at that ceiling that I despised more and more with every passing second.
A few times, I thought something along the lines of ‘I wish there was at least someone else in this room to keep me company’. If there were, maybe I would stop overthinking every detail and driving myself straight into insanity.
But for a while, my prayers were ignored.
…
The hours passed.
To me, they felt like eternities, every second passing by slower than a year.
My family never came to visit me, never left even a text message – but that was all within what I would expect. Still, it hurt to see just how much they didn’t care.
It wasn’t long before my phone ran out of battery and left me devoid of entertainment. But my school bag should have still been with me when they brought me here, I reasoned, and the nurse confirmed my suspicions the next time she came in.
Soon after, I was finally handed its contents – or rather, the part of them that mattered: my game console and my USB charger. This meant I could hopefully clear my mind enough through entertainment that I wouldn’t fall into madness before I could be discharged. I thanked the previous day’s me for completely charging this puppy up, meaning I didn’t have to worry too much about not having any way to charge it (screw you, proprietary charge connectors).
…
Damn.
It was actually working, huh.
There was some hope left.
As long as I didn’t fall too deep into depression and self-pity, I could still try and do my best to amend my mistakes after I was back in shape…
Suddenly, the door opened. I heard her a while before she entered my line of sight.
A girl about my age, shorter than Claudia – of about average stature – with long, dark brown hair and who looked in desperate need of proper nutrition.
But a few seconds prior to her image registering in my head, I’d already known her voice. Those piercing screams, so high-pitched and loud that they threatened to make my ears burst into pieces.
The sight of this girl, being restrained by two adult men as she struggled with inhuman force, her eyes bloodshot and her face like one of a predator – it terrorized me.
Her body was full of wounds.
Wounds of all kinds and sizes, spread through all her exposed skin – and by the looks of it, they extended well into the unseen parts of her body.
But the most disturbing thing was… Nobody else had done that to her.
Those were clearly, undoubtedly – wounds she had inflicted upon herself. And if there was any doubt remaining, just a look at her fingers covered in blood and her savage attempts at harming herself would have eliminated it. The two men holding her, one of them the same doctor that had been treating me, were having serious trouble restraining her and moving her at the same time. But after more than a full minute of struggling, they finally managed to get her into the bed next to mine.
I averted my eyes when they injected her with what I could only assume was some kind of anesthetic, and soon after, her cries turned into peaceful breathing sounds as she fell into a deep sleep.
The doctors both sighed, visibly exhausted. One of them went out, while the other remained just where had been, a look of sadness directed at the girl contorting his expression.
It was the same doctor that had treated me.
An instant later, he seemed to recall my presence, and hurried over to my side to ask how I was doing.
“I’m fine, doctor…”
“Call me Philip, James. I feel I’m too young to be called just doctor.”
“Okay, Philip… thank you. I’m better now. Been keeping my mind off of things.”
I said, shooting a glance at my phone and game console, which I’m sure he didn’t miss. A slight smile formed on his face.
“I’m happy to hear that, James. Keeping yourself entertained is a good way of coping with cases like yours. Hopefully you’ll be recovered in no time.”
I barely knew this man, but I could tell his concern and worry were genuine. He looked like the type who wanted to be a doctor as a child because of an honest desire to help people, rather than for money or scientific curiosity.
But still, even knowing how much this young man worried about his patients, the looks he kept shooting at the girl on the next bed were… concerning.
Like he had a far more personal reason to care about her than he did for someone like me.
“… Ah. In case you’re wondering, hat girl over there is my little sister.”
He had caught me staring at him. But never mind that, the fact he’d dropped the bomb of his relationship with the girl was… odd, to say the least.
“From what I’ve seen of your records, you’re apparently studying in the same school she is. I thought you might recognize her, but it seems that’s not the case…”
Oh. Was that true? Then now it made more sense. He probably wanted me to tell him all I could know… but sadly, I knew nothing.
I strained my eyes to try and recognize her face, though. And soon after, it clicked.
“Ah! Now I remember! Yeah, I’ve seen her around before at school. Her name’s Emma, right?”
“Yeah, that’s right. Do you know anything at all about her behavior there? Something that could seem like an anomaly?”
His eyes were suddenly glowing, but I couldn’t meet those newly born expectations of his. I really did know nothing, all the knowledge of Emma I had was secondhand and just by name. And even then there wasn’t much of it to begin with.
“I see… Well, it’s okay, thank you for answering my questions. And sorry for being so unprofessional while on the job.”
“It’s fine, you don’t have to apologize, Philip. You’re saving my life here, y’know.”
“Ahaha… I guess, if you put it like that… Thank you, James. You’re a good person.”
And thank you, doctor, for genuinely believing that even though it’s clear I’m not. Even though I’m a murderer.
…
Philip finished giving me my medication, and after making doubly sure Emma was still asleep, he went away. He was a doctor, too many lives depended on him for him to stand around worrying about his sister and a stranger.
I went back to my distractions, killing time as the time of my full recovery continued to approach.
But a few hours after Philip had last come – Emma woke up.
And when she did, she almost killed me.
It happened before I knew it, before I had any time to sense, before I had any time to feel – she was already there. Bloodshot eyes were staring at me from above as she stood beside my bed, watching me like a haunting guise.
And not an instant later, as her screams tore through my ears, so did her nails in my neck.
“AAAAAAHHH!!!”
Get away… Get away from me, you monster…!
On her fit of neurotic rage, an inhuman strength she could normally only dream of hit my still weak body like a steamroller. I fought as hard as I could, struggling to no end, but even so – even so I couldn’t escape her grip.
The pain was starting to get to me. Her attacks didn’t subside, or maybe they did, but as my energy faded the piercing pain only grew.
I’d had enough bullshit for a lifetime in the past day, for fuck’s sake…! Why would I put up with this? What was the point of all this suffering? What had I done to deserve this?!
Kill a woman.
That’s right, I had killed a woman. The only person that had ever meant something to me, I had gone and destroyed her. So maybe I did deserve something like this, for another girl I didn’t know to rip apart my neck and kill me. Maybe it was a fitting end for scum like me. And if you’ll allow me to make a selfish comment even at a time like this, maybe this end would save me from a much more disgraceful one that would inevitably come were I to continue living my life as I had up to now.
…
Scratch that.
I didn’t want to end like this. I didn’t want to die. Not before having any chance to apologize to her, not before I can see her face again and say I’m sorry, not before I can hear her voice calling my name again, even if without an ounce of kindness in it this time.
The pain was almost unbearable, I had stopped resisting what seemed like an eternity ago. But I wouldn’t die like this. With all the strength in my body, up to my very last breath, I kicked Emma in the stomach. The first time, she released her grip. And the second, she was sent flying backwards, falling into the floor below and hitting her head with her bed’s leg. She lost her consciousness immediately.
I was relieved, I had saved myself from what had looked like death staring at me in the face, and my wounds would hopefully be surface level and heal quickly. Everything had gone well in the end…. Except, I suddenly realized. She was a patient just like me. And judging from her outbursts – quite likely in critical condition.
“… Oh my god, what have I done?!”
My heart rate skyrocketed, I couldn’t think straight. With my hands shaking, I did my best to lift Emma and put her back in her bed – though I ended up hitting her against it and almost dropping her a few times.
After another bunch of seconds turned centuries, she was finally safe in bed, or at least as safe as she could be after the blow to her head and everything that had come after. I stumbled my way towards my own bed, and pressed the button that was supposed to call for a doctor or a nurse. I wasn’t sure, I had never used one of those before. I had barely even been to a hospital at all.
Which made it surprising just how little it took for Doctor Philip to blast through the door, as much as it probably wasn’t anything extraordinary. Or maybe it was, after all it was his sister that was in this room, he would naturally be worried something had happened to her.
“James! What happened? Are you all right?”
… I didn’t expect him to check on me first, though I guess it was only natural – my bell was the one that had been activated.
Though slightly calmer than before, I pointed to Emma with my fingers still shaking. Philip’s head snapped in her direction and his face contorted when he saw the small trail of blood coming out of her forehead. Then he looked back at me. Seeming to notice the wounds in my neck, arms and legs, his face turned into one of realization.
After making sure he’d properly taken care of our wounds, he injected Emma another dose of anesthesia and hurriedly left the room without uttering a single sound. Silence befell the room once again.
A few minutes later, two nurses entered and put Emma into a wheeled bed, carrying her out of the room. Someone had probably thought that if she stayed here, she could go into a rampage again.
At first I kept overthinking, wondering about the most trivial stuff imaginable – why did Emma jump to attack me, how had she seen me as she dug her nails into my neck, what would she think when she finally woke up with a clear mind. But after a while my brain got tired, it wanted to just forget and go back to its distractions, or maybe just to sleep once more.
In the end, that’s exactly what it did.
My consciousness drifted away and slept for days on end.
…
“James, you’re now officially discharged. It took a while longer than we originally expected, Emma’s rampage took a big toll on your physical and mental recovery. But now you’re perfectly fine, okay? I promise you there’s nothing to worry about. So congratulations on your fast recovery. You can go now.”
“…”
“What’s up? Are you still worried about something? I told you, as long as you follow my advice, you’ll be good-”
“It’s not about that, doctor.”
“I told you to call me Philip.”
“Philip… it’s not about that. I just wanted to know how your sister’s doing now. I haven’t seen her since they took her out of my room.”
“Ah, it’s already been three days since that, hasn’t it… Yeah, she’s better now. Her psychotic attacks have stopped happening so frequently, and her mental and physical condition are just much better overall. You shouldn’t worry about her, but thank you for asking.”
“No, it’s fine, I just wanted to know… By the way, is there any way for me to visit her?”
“Oh? Um, let me see…”
He turned away to type something on his computer, finishing shortly after and rotating his office chair to look in my direction again. He took so little time for looking up whatever information that I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d actually needed to check it on the PC.
“She’s… just been allowed to receive visits a few minutes ago. So yes, you can go and check on her if you want, just make sure to not put yourself in danger. Nobody knows when her next rampage will come.”
“Yeah, makes sense. Got it. What’s her room, D- Philip?
He instantaneously slid a piece of paper towards me from who knows where, with a room number handwritten in it. If you’d told me Philip was a machine made and designed for exactly that purpose, I would have completely believed you.
“There it is, James. But let me warn you, again. Whatever you do, don’t get too close to her, understood?”
“Yes, Philip.”
A smile formed in his face at last, something I hadn’t seen ever since the last time he came to visit before his sister had tried to kill me. I timidly reciprocated it, rising up from my chair and leaving Philip’s office.
Arriving at Emma’s room, I could only describe the atmosphere inside as ‘depressing’. Completely empty, no other beds except for hers with any sign of having been occupied recently, the negative emotions in the place could be felt at a glance.
But then, inevitably, one’s eyes would shift to the room’s only occupant – Emma. She seemed like she was peacefully sleeping, showing no signs of external pain. But if you looked a little closer, you could see the many wounds on her body, some of which were still open. Her peaceful face was stained with the marks of someone who’s been crying recently.
I didn’t think I could bear to watch her like this for too long, my mind was telling me that staying would only make me feel worse, but I couldn’t get my body to move an inch.
And shortly after – she woke up.
Slowly opening her eyes, she seemed confused that there was someone else in the room with her. Her eyes stared at me blankly, not recognizing my face as the one of the man she’d had such a violent fight with just a few days prior. Even though that was the case, I did my best to force a smile. Just the tiniest bit.
“Mmm? Who are you…?”
So she said, her eyes still half open and her mind not fully awake. This was the first time I was hearing her voice properly, and the difference between it and her monstruous screams almost tricked me into believing they were two different people, or that her psychotic attack had been but a nightmare. Sadly, my still unhealed neck wounds were there as proof of the contrary.
“Hi, I’m James. It’s… nice to meet you, Emma.”
“How do you know my…”
Her expression suddenly snapped into one of realization, her jaw dropping and her eyes almost popping out of their sockets. She crawled back in her bed, clumsily getting away from me, but she didn’t realize-
She almost fell out of her bed and smashed her head against the floor, but somehow, I managed to catch her arm just in time.
She was shaking.
Violently.
I pulled her up into her bed again; she didn’t resist even a bit when I covered her with the bed sheets. Her whole body was shaking and through her face ran a sea of tears. It was a pitiful sight. One I wish I never had to see, one that I hadn’t even imagined possible.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry!”
“…”
“D-don’t come close to me… If you do, I’ll hurt you… If you do, I’ll kill you, and then I’ll cry but it’ll be my fault, it’s always my fault, so don’t come close to me or all I’ll do is hurt you-!”
I hugged her.
As tightly and as strongly as my shaking arms would allow me to – I embraced her.
I didn’t know what to say. No, rather – there was nothing I could say. So all I could do was stay like this, my body heat slowly permeating her ice-cold hands.
After a while, she hugged me back, her shaking slowly educing as her tears went down my shoulders.
I knew she had hurt me, and I’m sure she’d hurt many others, but I knew just as well that it had not been her fault. Even though she’d been the perpetrator, even though her own hand had caused the damage, it wasn’t something she could have controlled. It wasn’t in her power to prevent it; she shouldn’t be blaming herself for it. But it was human nature to do so. It’s much easier to blame oneself than to accept that it couldn’t have been prevented, that it would have happened no matter what.
…
What a hypocrite I am.
But if I can’t help myself yet, I’ll do what I can to help this girl…
That’s what I said in my mind, completely decided to carry through with it. Until Emma stopped needing me, I would be by her side, doing my best to help her believe in herself one step at a time. Because when I saw her, I saw my own reflection – one who’d had to suffer far more than I could possibly conceive, one who had more to teach me than what I could possibly have done to repay her.
…
I didn’t know how much time had passed; I don’t think she did either.
But eventually, our bodies separated, ending the embrace we had shared for those precious moments.
We kept each other company in silence for a few more minutes, neither of us uttering a single word. Not even glancing at each other; knowing of the other’s presence was more than enough to eliminate whatever worries we had in our minds.
I stayed like that until it was time for lunch; as much as I didn’t want to go away, starving wasn’t much of an option either. I thought of going back to her side after having my snack, but when I asked the person in the reception, she told me there was another visit for her at the moment. I judged it best not to intrude.
I stopped to think about what I would do next.
It had been a few days since I hadn’t stepped inside my house, but then again, none of my relatives had made any effort to come see me.
Not even a call.
Not even a message.
Not that I was surprised. Wasn’t the first time, wouldn’t be the last. Guess I really could just appear back home to sleep and go out the next day to do my thing. Oh wait – school was a thing. Crap.
I had already been walking back home, but I turned around and started running towards the hospital. Hopefully Doctor Philip would still be there in his office-
“Oh, he’s just about to end his shift, but he’s probably still around in his office. I’ll tell him you’re going.”
The receptionist said as I thanked her and ran towards the already familiar office.
“James? What’s up, what happened?”
He looked worried when he saw me, but his anxious expression gave way to a gentle smile when I told him what I needed.
“Hey, Philip, could you maybe… give me a document that certifies I’ve been hospitalized these past few days? I need it for school, they’re gonna be asking what happened but they won’t believe me if I don’t have the paper…”
“Ahahaha! Yeah, give me a second, I’ll make you something real quick. Don’t lose it, yeah?”
“Of course I won’t.”
Unlike what stereotypes might make one think, not all doctors have terrible handwriting, far from it. I’m fact, Philip’s handwriting was really nice and easy to read. I thanked him for the help and apologized for the trouble, and went back the way I’d come.
“It’s nothing, James, this is what I’m here for. If you ever need anything, you know where to find me.”
With that, after all these days of mixed feelings and life changing experiences, I finally left the hospital. I hoped I wouldn’t have to come back soon as a patient.
And within no time, I walked back to my home, opening the door with my keys only to find it deserted. Nothing too uncommon. For once, I didn’t go straight to sleep though; instead, I picked up a pencil and a piece of paper and tried drawing something. I sincerely hoped she would like it when I showed it to her.
The next day.
Once again – house deserted.
No, actually, scratch that – I could hear sound coming from the kitchen. Probably someone making breakfast, whatever the case, they’d given no signs of having noticed my presence at all. Nothing strange when you stopped to consider the fact that they hadn’t acknowledged my existence for quite a long time now. What was it, close to a month already? Must’ve been somewhere around that. At some point I had started sounding out the old wakeup exchange I used to have with my mother.
“James! Wake up already, you’re gonna be late for school again!”
“Oh, sheesh, mom! I’m going, I’m going!”
Those were better times. Last time I had actually heard those words… I couldn’t even tell you when it’d been.
When I finally decided to get up from bed and move, the first thing I did was go eat some decent food. I’d been sorely missing it during the hospital days. The refrigerator was filled with all sorts of stuff, some of which I didn’t even know the name of – but I just picked whatever seemed like I’d enjoy the most.
As I enjoyed the unmatched pleasure only a good ham and cheese sandwich can bring to a lowly human such as myself, my father entered the kitchen and passed by my side.
He tapped me in the shoulder; I turned around and was met by a warm smile and a wave of the hand. My poor father, if only he'd see what "giving his son freedom" actually meant maybe we could grow to understand each other. Regardless, it was still better than my mother. She gave no signs of being alive apart from the sound of her munching her toast in the living room.
...
With nothing else to do at home, I went out the second I finished eating. Where to go - was something that didn't need to be asked. That place where someone who needed me and who I needed awaited, where someone I'd failed tried her hardest to recover from a mistake that wasn't her own.
"Oh, James, how're you doing? Feeling better?"
Said Doctor Philip, who just so happened to be busy with some paperwork behind the reception counter when I entered the building.
“Yea, thanks, I’m fine now. Just coming to visit Emma again.”
“Oh, I see. She’s exactly where you left her yesterday. If you remember, though, tell her I said hi, I’ve been too busy to go check on her today.”
“Of course, I’ll do that. Thanks, Philip.”
“No problem. Thanks to you for your kindness, James.”
Kindness… If only I could call it that. It would mean all my actions’ purpose would be to benefit other people. When in reality, I only really cared about myself, about redeeming my mistakes and righting my wrongs. Though I believe I heard something a long time ago – a good action is still good no matter what the intention behind it was. And though I don’t particularly agree… Maybe there’s some merit to that thought.
Arriving at Emma’s room, a very similar chain of events to the previous day’s unfolded for the next few hours – up to the moment visiting hours were over.
Except this time, my interaction with Emma went in a different direction. While the previous day’s hug had made us immediately break all barriers and come to trust each other in an instant, this visit – and those that would later come – were filled with more active, explicit communication instead.
Which is to say, in the most pretentious and pointlessly convoluted way I could think of in five seconds, that we talked a lot more.
About our hobbies, about school, about our friends and fun anecdotes and anything we could think of – she even talked about her parents and about her brother Philip. A wonderful brother if her passionate speech about him was anything to go by; it was obvious she thought very highly of him.
“He moved away a while ago, he said he needed more independence… But he still comes to visit us every few days, so it’s okay. He’s doing an amazing job out here. I just wish I wasn’t forcing him to work more…”
“…”
She was doing it again. Blaming herself for what wasn’t her fault…
“My brother used to be like this too, you know. Just… less violent. But eventually through therapy and medication he learnt to control it completely… though I think he keeps a sandbag at home for when he needs to let out steam.”
“I see…”
What could I possibly say to that…?
Her brother was the same. He’d fought against the same invisible, ever-present enemy – and he’d won. And now she was supposed to follow on his steps… but she, she was losing the battle.
She still couldn’t control her neurotic attacks nearly as much as anyone would like.
But even so, it was obvious – just by looking at her, anyone who cared enough to see would be able to tell just how much effort she was putting in. To me, there was no doubt that her condition must have been more serious than her brother's ever had been, but to her it only looked like her efforts were insufficient. Which was... certainly not the case.
The days and visits passed, and this judgement of mine only reaffirmed itself. She was fighting against herself, against instincts she could not control – but far from the pessimistic outlook Emma had ingrained into her own mind, her attacks were becoming rarer and rarer.
Until one day, about a week later, Doctor Philip paid us a surprise visit.
“I’m sorry to say this, James, but you won’t be able to come visit anymore.”
Both me and the half-asleep girl immediately perked up when hearing this. Had her condition been getting worse somehow? Had all her effort and excruciating pain… been for nothing? Philip continued as he held our breaths.
“Because Emma… is officially discharged as of right now. Congratulations.”
He forced the words out of his mouth as the tears he’d been holding back finally started flowing down his face. A long hug with her sister followed by a short and energetic one with me, and his time to get emotional was over.
“I have to go back to work now, but here’s the prescription for Emma’s medication. James, I’m sorry to have to ask you this, but could you please accompany her back home…?”
He said as he handed me a few papers that my mind absolutely refused to process a single word of. I had no reason to doubt they were very important medicine, and that the pharmacist would know what to give me without further indication. Yep, certainly. I cared more about the second part of what Philip had said.
“Y-yeah, I can get Emma home no problem. Though I have no idea where she lives, but other than that I don’t mind.”
“Ah, she can guide you no problem. It’s just starting to get late, though, and I’m not sure if letting Emma go alone will be the safest…”
Well, the sun was still very much up, and though it would set soon, I doubted she could face much danger-
Oh.
Of course.
She’d improved a lot, but even so – leaving her alone was certainly not a good idea.
But still, precautions aside, nothing could possibly ruin both our moods now. After what had seemed like an eternity formed by a myriad of endless-feeling moments, she had finally been freed from those pure white walls in which she'd been completely alone – except for those comparatively brief times in which I had been visiting her, sitting by her side.
We slowly walked through the town as the sun set, a sight that couldn't help but remind me of my previous mistakes. Hopefully I had learnt from them enough to not let them happen once more.
Hopefully, this second chance wouldn’t go wasted…
My train of thought was interrupted when Emma stopped walking to stare somewhere across the street. Following her gaze, however, I could see nothing of note except for a small ice cream shop. I could vaguely remember having eaten one of their ice creams, though I couldn’t say for sure, my memory wasn’t exactly the greatest ever for these kinds of things-
“Hey, James.”
“What’s up?”
“Wanna eat one of those?”
She said, pointing at the sign where all the store’s variety of ice cream was proudly advertised.
“Sure thing. Which one do you want?”
“Hmm… I’m not sure, I’d have to check. What about you?”
She shot the question back at me as we crossed the street in our way to the shop, but I also had no clue what I’d order.
“Uh… I guess I’ll be eating either a chocolate or lemon flavor… though vanilla is also nice, and it’s been a while since I last had one of those. Eh, I’ll just toss a coin.”
“Coins don’t have three sides last time I checked, James. Why don’t you order one of those with multiple flavors? That way you don’t have to choose.”
“Nah. Choosing and sticking to your choice is part of the fun. Also I’m not hungry enough to eat three whole balls of ice cream.”
“Ah, yeah, I forgot you’ve had the luck of eating proper food for a few days now while I was still stuck with that flavorless junk.”
She pretended to put on an annoyed face, but it didn’t last more than an instant before she broke into a grin. My face was probably giving away the fact that I had actually been eating very little for the past few days. More precisely, whatever leftovers I found at home for breakfast and dinner and whatever cheap crap I could find around the neighborhood for lunch. Did a premade sandwich and a bag of Doritos count as having lunch? Probably not.
…In the end, I ordered the vanilla ice cream. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d had one of those, and the moment I tasted it I wish I hadn’t waited this long. I didn’t remember liking it this much.
Emma, however, decided to take her own advice and order a big two-flavored cup of ice cream, her flavors of choice being strawberry and mint. Pretty solid taste if I do say so myself, not that I’m any kind of ice cream connoisseur but I do pride myself on having tasted close to a hundred different flavors of the thing over the course of my life.
“Will you even eat the whole thing? Come on, the hospital food might be bad, but it’s not like they don’t let you eat at all, if you told me you haven’t eaten in a day I would let it slide but this is insane!”
I said to the void, because in the time that it took me to construct and pronounce that sentence Emma had already eaten a quarter of her ice cream – which, just as a reminder, was double the size of mine.
Oh my god who even was this girl.
As I stared in amazement and terror at the human vacuum cleaner sitting in front of me, I slowly consumed my delicious vanilla-flavored chunk of bliss. Unlike some people, I had managed to actually taste the thing.
Each of us paid for their part – she insisted on not letting me pay, and I did the same when she tried to pull a reverse on me – and we once again started walking towards Emma’s home. Her mood had improved even more.
It was impossible to think that the girl in front of me and the one I'd first met on that hospital room were the same person. And in a sense, they really weren't. Even though at their core they were the same, something had visibly changed – but more importantly, something invisible had changed as well. She no longer felt like a burden, she could stand by herself at my side as an equal. And that ability, being able to love herself if even the tiniest bit, not needing to put herself down when compared to anyone else – ironically enough, that made her immediately better than me, her ‘equal’, who still wasn't able to achieve that much.
Somewhere along the way my thoughts about Emma and myself stopped, and gave way to an appreciation for the otherwise mundane and boring streets of this town I knew like the back if my hands. That day, though, at that moment, I felt like I was seeing them for the first time.
The longest street in the whole town – which, for starters, would be better classified as a small city rather than a town proper – filled with shops and restaurants of every kind, sometimes taking up all the space in the narrow street and making it hard for anyone over the age of ten to walk past them. That was the place we were now walking through, the same street Claudia and I had gone through in our way to the abandoned warehouse.
That time, though I'd claimed to appreciate the scenery, I had been lying to myself – I had been looking, but only now was I seeing. Maybe Emma wasn't the only one to change during the last few days.
The cars passing in both directions, middle-aged couples sitting at bars as their kids played around without a care in the world… People going in and out of shops of all kinds to buy anything you can possibly imagine, teens laughing as they threw insults at each other only for the receiver to respond with an even bigger one – the town was alive, and for the first time, I wasn't just spectating. I was part of the atmosphere, part of the city.
The sun was slowly starting to disappear behind the city's familiar landscape, and with it went the sunlight, so abundant at this late an hour that some people who weren't used to living here would doubt their wristwatches.
Which finally reminded me – I was supposed to get Emma home before the night. We'd been walking at a pretty slow pace so far, and I had absolutely no clue where her house actually was. So I was just about to ask her about it any moment.
“Don't worry, James, we're getting pretty close already. No need to get stressed, just enjoy the walk.”
“Did you read my mind right now?”
“Why would I need to? Just looking at your face tells me anything I could possibly want to know.”
“That's some crazy skills for reading people you got there…”
“No, what I'm saying is that you're as hard to see through as an open window.”
“Ow. That kinda hurts, man.”
“It shouldn't, it's not necessarily a bad thing. Except I imagine you ruin every surprise and secret that ever crosses your ears.”
“First, that wouldn't be many at all; second, I'd rather you not assume I can't control my body language when absolutely needed.”
“Oh, can you? That's a surprise.”
“Shut up.”
She smirked widely before the conversation moved into other topics. As promised, it wasn't long before she stopped in front of a two-story house in a smaller street parallel to the one we'd been going through for the majority of the time.
“It's here. This is my house.”
“I see. Well then, seems we did manage to get here before dark. Your brother can probably afford to trust us both a bit more…”
A slight smile appeared on her face as I said that.
“Forgive him, he's just worried… but yeah, he really has no reason to, has he.”
I laughed as I waved at her, already turning around to go back home. It was getting late and I wasn't good at going without sleep.
“James!”
She stopped me though. I turned around.
“Do you want to come in? M-my parents are gone, so maybe that's an issue, but uh…”
“…”
“I-I'm sorry if this is out of place, I just… I thought you'd rather not go back home.”
“What do you mean? Why would you think that?”
“We've talked about our lives for hours at this point, but you somehow have managed to avoid saying a single word about your family.”
“Huh. Funny thing, I really wasn't doing it on purpose. But yeah it's okay, there's nothing for you to worry about. Just rest and we'll meet tomorrow or whenever you want.”
“… Yeah, that's perfect. I'm sorry for making assumptions.”
“Why would you apologize? It really must've looked weird if I've managed to not mention them even once before. I have no idea how it's happened either.”
I said that with a smile on my face as I left, but I could have sworn she tried to reply.
“You're such a bad lia-”
I couldn’t clearly make out her words – or so I pretended, not feeling like ending the day on a fight between us two that would serve no purpose.
What I could say without a doubt, having nothing else to do during my trip back home than think this to myself, is that I wasn’t lying when I said what I said to Emma. I really hadn’t evaded the topic on purpose, I hadn’t made a conscious effort not to talk about it, but even so – it seemed like it had slipped out.
If I had noticed, I would actually have corrected it as to not make her worry for nothing. I probably wouldn’t have told her anything of value, or anything that was actually true, but it would have sufficed… Damn it, what I’m trying to say is, it’s really easy to make shit up. I’m kind of an expert at it too. It really would have been that easy to keep Emma away from what she didn’t need to know. But now that she had noticed something was ‘wrong’, all I could hope for is that she wouldn’t bring it up again – because if she did, it would make it hard for me to even interact with her, period.
Ugh.
I should probably stop overthinking this.
This will do me no good after all, it’s best if I just pretend nothing happened starting tomorrow.
… Oh, well, the fact I’m still thinking about meeting her tomorrow must mean I’m not actually mad at all. I guess I really have been making a mountain out of a molehill.
So went my thoughts throughout my walk back home, and surprisingly enough I managed to get there without a single negative thought left in my mind. By the time I took my keys out of my pocket and opened the door that led into a familiar and– as per usual – empty living room, all I could think of was how much fun I’d had that day. It might sound cliché or cheap, but it had been very long since I’d felt this free. The only other relatively recent times I could recall had all been with Claudia, but after how the last of those had ended-
It was hard to call my memories with her pleasant anymore.
After getting home, the rest of the day passed me by as I holed myself up in my room and played videogames. What kind of videogames, you may theoretically ask? Well, theoretically as well, I would reply with something along the lines of ‘all kinds of games, from Tetris to JRPGs to that one game starring a plumber who must be eating more than humanly possible if he’s still fat after jumping this much’. Though that is, as I said, hypothetical. In truth, I struggled to decide for a long while until my eyes landed on a certain box. A box containing the game Claudia had given me back that day.
… I really do have no cure, do I.
Maybe it’s not wrong to want things this way. To want to forget. To want to start anew.
That day, for the first time in months – I went to bed just a little bit later.
And by some miracle, even though I’d just slept eight hours, I didn’t feel tired at all the next morning.
Grabbing my phone and headphones as usual the instant I woke up, I was surprised to find a notification waiting for me. Apparently it had ben sent the day prior, just fifteen minutes after I’d gone to sleep… Damn it, I’d missed it by so little.
“A message from… Emma, huh.”
I said to myself aloud. Nobody would hear me anyway. The message was short and simple, quite cheery and full of your usual internet lingo, the kind you would find in any online forum or social media. Which in grammatically correct English would translate roughly to-
“Hey, James! Want to meet at that park close to the school today at 11? I’ve spent some time catching up with my friends tonight, and one of them brought up a really interesting topic. I think you’d enjoy it, and it gives me an excuse to go outside mwahahaha. Tell me when you know if you can come!”
It was barely 8 o’clock, so there was plenty of time left to get breakfast, play some games and go to that park. Maybe I’d even arrive on time.
“Yeah, sure, I’ll be there. Now you got me curious.”
… That was only somewhat true. I wasn’t sure if she actually had anything to talk abut or if it was a simple excuse to get me to agree. Whatever the case, it wouldn’t hurt. I would probably have agreed even if she hadn’t tried to intrigue me – no, who am I kidding, I absolutely would have.
And as I said I would, I was right there at the park at 11.
I may or may not have arrived a few minutes late, and it doesn’t matter either way because technically it was still 11.
There she was, waiting for me on a bench – the bench where I’d sat back then, reading a mystery book about the supernatural. It really had been a good book, maybe I’d drop by the library on my way home and buy the next volume.
“Hey, James! Took you long enough!”
“I’m only a few minutes late, cut me some slack. My game of Tetris just refused to end.”
“And whose fault was that?”
“The game’s. If it had only been a bit more difficult, I could have lost earlier.”
“Wow, so much gamer ego. I haven’t had those kinds of delusions of grandeur since I was a whole eight years old.”
“Shut uuuuuup. Anyway, now I’m here – finally – so tell me what was that interesting thing you wanted to talk about.”
“Ah, yeah, that. If I was being fair, I’d make you wait exactly as long as you had me waiting here – but that would probably be more painful for me than for you. So, hmm, where should I start? There’s so many parts to it, ehehehe, I can’t decide!”
“Oh for the love of God. Stop messing with me, I’m sorry, I won’t arrive later ever again!”
“I don’t believe that for a second with that smug face you’re making. But suuuure. I’ll stop teasing you, you boring ass jerk. So, you see, this old friend told me about a movie she’d watched, and I found the premise quite interesting…”
Supernatural beings causing problems all around people’s lives, problems that seemed to have no explanation or solution and drove their victims mad – only for them to be nothing more than the simplest of issues, magnified and complicated by delusion and unwillingness to accept the truth. So went Emma’s explanation. Very similar to that book I’d read not long ago – and the main theme was obvious just from hearing that description. But to me, it was particularly interesting how people managed to twist their perception of reality to make it the most convenient version of itself for their selfish eyes.
Still, I couldn’t help but think – maybe people shouldn’t be laughed at for blaming their issues on supernatural beings. After all, many of those issues were not ones that could be solved by the victims themselves. It wasn’t in their control – so for them, they might as well be the product of supernatural entities.
“Hmm, if you put it that way… yeah, maybe you do have a point. I did not expect you to go with that angle, though. You keep surprising me, good job James, wooo!”
She slapped me on the back, the sarcasm increasing with every single one of her sentences and finally proving to me that I was in fact a bad influence on everyone my age I came close to.
“Jeez, thank you, Emma. I’m so glad you think highly of me. But yeah, funnily enough, those kinds of themes seem to be common in stuff I read or watch as of late. Might watch that movie when I get home.”
“Mhm, sounds good. But hey, you aren’t going home NOW, right?!”
“N-no, I imagined we’d stay here for a while longer. It’s barely been half an hour since I arrived here.”
“Good, good! Then, do you want to go shopping with me?”
I hate shopping.
Or, if I were to elaborate a bit more and state the actual truth – I hate spending money. I get extremely paranoid. What if the store on the other side of the street has a better price? What if online stores do? What if I just buy this thing and, two days later, it just so happens to go on sale?! Oh, the nightmare… I usually didn’t want to even imagine it.
But today was different.
For starters, I wasn’t the one who came with the intention of spending money – mainly because you can’t spend what you don’t have any of. And second, looking at stores in and of itself was fun when I didn’t have any self-imposed pressure to buy anything. Lastly…
“Hey, James! Come, look at this thing! What even is it about?”
“Oh, this game! Huh, I didn’t know it was already out… Dunno how this one is, but the previous one in the series was pretty decent and-”
“Yes?”
“Wait a second. Do you even own this console?”
“Uh, no, I don’t think I do.”
“Then why do you care so much about this particular section?! If anything, I’m the one who bought this system, I should be the one buying games for it instead of you…”
“Mhm, but if I don’t look at the games, how will I know if I want this for myself?”
“Huh. Fair point , I guess.
“Can’t believe I’m outsmarting someone who prides himself in how many mystery books he’s read and how good he is at thinking logically.”
“Wait, I don’t remember being that much of an egotistical cunt!”
“And now your memory’s also terrible and overhyped. What a great detective you are.”
The disappointed stare of hers would’ve been pretty convincing if it wasn’t for her visibly trying to contain her laughter. A futile affair that was. It didn’t take long before we were both laughing at a barely appropriate volume inside the department store. A few glares from the employees around, though, and we came back down to the real world.
Then, we continued walking around the place.
Stereotypes are a nasty thing, and I promise this isn’t me falling back into those, but Emma did seem to enjoy the clothes section the most, while I simply pretended to love fashion to death as I let my eyes wander around. Having worn the exact same model of shorts in different sizes for four years straight was the best example of such love.
Still, even though I didn’t really care, I enjoyed my time at the mall. Though I would lie if I said I wasn’t half relieved when Emma finally got tired of going through every single section of the gigantic department store.
… Though contrary to my initial expectations, I didn't walk out empty-handed. Emma decided it was a good idea to buy me a children's book that taught kids the names of animals plus an adjective starting with the same letter.
“Elegant Elephant… Jiggly Jellyfish… Swimming Seahorse…”
“Ehehehehe. I don't know why, but when you say it it almost sounds believable, like what an actual expert on the supernatural would name the creatures they came across…”
“Huh, I'll take your word for it because to me it just sounds stupid.”
“Yeah well both things aren't mutually exclusive, just so you know.”
What an asshole.
“Why did you even buy this again?”
“To make fun of you, of course. I thought you reading those out loud would be really funny, and I wasn't wrong.”
“… Why do you keep doing this to me?”
“What thing?”
“Borderline bullying.”
“Does it bother you?”
“Nah, not really.”
“That's what I thought. And if you said you weren't having fun too, it would be hard to believe you.”
“Is that what bullies said when they get caught nowadays? ‘He looked like he was having fun so we kept doing it’?”
“Yeah, that's right, teacher, sir! I was just doing it for his enjoyment, no bad intentions whatsoever!”
“Too bad, miss. The person in question has heard all your arguments and regarded them as ‘complete and utter bullshit’. Therefore, you'll now be coming with me to the principal's office.”
“Oh, noooooo! Not the principal's officeeeeee!”
“Pffft.”
“What are you laughing at now, you asshole?”
“Nothing, just having fun. Isn't that what you said earlier too?”
“Eh, fair enough… Whatever, I'm happy you're having fun today. I kind of thought you'd be really bored after a while.”
At some point throughout the conversation, we had inadvertently stopped looking at each other, letting our eyes drift towards the horizon.
“Why would I be? It’s hard to bore me, you know.”
“And that’s also hardly a compliment.”
“Speaking of hard things…”
“If you make a pervert joke you will actually die today.”
“I was just about to say it’s pretty damn hard to find someone as shameless as you are, but I guess nobody needs me to prove the evident.”
“Oh, shut up already…”
“…”
“…”
“So.”
“Yeah?”
“Should we get moving?”
I said this aloud, but in reality, it’s not like I wanted to move at all—I would’ve been fine staying like that for a while longer. I said it regardless.
“Yeah, sure. So, where to?”
…
Minutes after, we found ourselves right besides that ice cream shop we’d been on the other day.
I wasn’t feeling particularly hungry, but in a move I could only describe as fully intentional and provoked déja vù, I got talked into buying a pair of ice creams for our mouths to enjoy and for our health to hate us for.
I really didn’t feel like sitting around to eat it though, so we kept walking through the same few streets we’d already been through a couple times the past week as we took our times to appreciate the flavor.
“Yup, this thing is just as good as I remembered it being… even though I say that, it’s not like it’s been long since we last came here, wasn’t it just yesterday?”
…
“I do kinda feel like we should eat something different next time. What do you say to a big fat ham and cheese sandwich…?”
…
“Emma?”
She hadn’t been replying at all. I would have assumed she was just eating her ice cream, but no, she was definitely the type of person to talk as she ate, and even disregarding that, I couldn’t hear her eating either…
I couldn’t hear her footsteps besides me.
Adrenalin rushing through my veins, I jerked my head to look back and-
“EMMA!”
A dozen or so meters behind me, she had stopped—she had been forced to stop.
She was on her knees, covering her head with both arms, people starting to gather around her—
I immediately ran to her side.
“W-what’s wrong, Emma?! Are you okay? Wait a second, I’ll call an ambulance…!”
I was shaking heavily, I almost couldn’t grip my phone with enough strength to not send it flying somewhere as I painfully called emergency services.
“O-ow… Aaahhh…”
I tried to look at her face. She was crying.
But apart from that, her expression… I’d seen that expression before.
The one she had back then, in the hospital—
“AAAAAHHH!”
I had noticed too late.
Too late, too late, too late…!
I pushed everyone else aside as I covered her with my whole body, trying my best to resist the pain from her attacks. They only grew and grew and grew in strength as the psychotic attack took over her, and after a while, I found myself lying face-up on the floor.
Squeezing both her wrists in my hands, channeling all my energy to keep her in control—and yet, it was useless.
She broke out of my grip and started attacking me with no restraints as her screams pierced my ears and her tears burnt my skin.
I couldn’t take it anymore.
The pain was too much, I couldn’t take, if this kept up I was certainly going to die here—!
I had to do something.
I had to get away from her.
I channeled whatever strength I had left into my legs, and…
I kicked her in the abdomen with all my might.
I sent her flying backwards, my view no longer being blocked by her body. And that’s when I saw.
The street we were in was pretty narrow, and our fight had been happening dangerously close to the road.
…
I had pushed Emma straight in that direction.
And there was a vehicle, an ambulance, coming at high speed towards us—I registered all of that in a fraction of a second.
Far too fast for me to move accordingly and prevent it.
Far too slow to do anything about it.
…
I had done it again.
My mind failed to register any of the events following Emma’s murder—no, it had been an accident.
I kept reminding myself of that.
I hadn’t murdered her, I hadn’t killed her…
I felt like if I stopped repeating it in my head, my mind would crumble again. It had only been a few days since Claudia’s accident. I didn’t want to fall even further down than I had then—after all, if I did, I wouldn’t be able to take care of both Claudia and Emma…
When I finally became aware of my surroundings, I was in my bedroom, lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling. Nothing unusual at this point.
It was as if nothing had changed—since Emma's accident, since Claudia's, since before the start of this whole chain of events. A unique type of hell—completely different from the one they tell you about as a kid or if you’re religious—but certainly no less painful.
…
I’m really just rambling to myself.
It’s pointless, I know it’s pointless, but—
It’s not like I have no choice, I could choose not to do it and repeat the spiral of depression I went through after the accident with Claudia. But I can’t allow myself to go through that again. That’s not what either of them would have wanted, that’s completely wrong and cowardly of me to do after all that’s happened and that I’m supposed to have learnt.
Agh, damn it.
This will get me nowhere.
I need to clear my head.
…
Games won’t do it this time.
No amount of loud music and frustration-inducing rhythm games would help calm me down.
A walk, I would go for a walk while listening to that same loud music and trying not to cause myself permanent hearing damage… Yeah, that sounded like a viable option.
Where to go—it was a pointless question. I’d just end up where my legs decided to carry me.
Therefore, since I was thinking that, it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone—well, it might be thought of as clichéd and predictable, but that doesn’t change the fact that it was the only natural outcome.
I found myself sitting on that one bench, in that one park. Like I had so many times before.
Being there served its purpose quite quickly, though. It wasn’t long before my mind had almost completely drifted away from my current troubles and into the memories of older times.
Better times… As such they had remained in my memory.
“…”
My short-lived time of reminiscence was cut when I heard someone walking behind me. Given that the place had been in complete silence before and that I was submerged deep into my thoughts, such a small disturbance managed to startle me.
Whoever it was seemed to notice that, and before I had fully turned back to look at the innocent passerby who had probably been startled by my startlement quite a startling amount, I had already identified them by their voice.
It was unmistakable.
“Hey, James. Surprised to see you here alone during school hours.”
It was Oliver.
“I should be saying the same, always took you as a dedicated student and all that.”
“Today’s a holiday.”
“… So you think it’s funny to mess with me, huh.”
“I mean, it worked. Now I know you haven’t been going to school at all for the past few days.”
“Now that you say it, how long has it been? It feels like an eternity and a half.”
“Wow, you’re down bad, man. Everything OK?”
“As usual. Nothing new to report.”
“Liar.”
“…”
“I heard about what happened to Claudia, went to visit her at the hospital yesterday.”
“I…”
“Look, James, don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault. I know you enough to imagine how you’ve taken it, in broad strokes, so please don’t. It'll be fine, man.”
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I fucked up really hard, I… I should’ve been more careful.”
“…”
He sighed. But after a few seconds of silence, he was once again the first to speak as he sat besides me.”
“I said it’s fine, bro, don’t let it bring you down too much.”
“… Thank you.”
“It's nothing.”
“What about you? How've you been lately? We only sort of met the other day, did we didn't get to talk much.”
“Me? Eh, I'm getting by. Nothing worth mentioning much.”
“If you say so…”
I hadn't forgotten. Those ominous wounds in his arm… Still, I didn't let my worries show as I continued talking.
“And how come you've moved back here? I know you told me you would through text messages, but I never asked why you'd do it now, after just one year. Kind of expected you to stay away longer.”
“Oh, nah, we were only gonna be away as long as my father was working away, but he's been sent here again, so here we are.”
“I see… Guess that makes sense.”
“Mhm.”
“…”
The conversation dried up.
He didn't seem to have anything to talk about, and I couldn't bring myself to ask about his wounds.
No, that's a lie.
I had a pretty good idea of what that was about, and I could have asked him to have my suspicions confirmed or denied—no, realistically, there wasn't any chance they'd be denied.
I knew Oliver well, and from a long time ago. So there was a very high chance my intuition was correct—and if it was, I didn't want to know. I already had more than enough trouble on my own, and as bad as it feels to say this, Oliver is going to have to solve his own issues this time.
…
Last time, I also failed to help him. But there was nothing I could do back then…
…
……
………
“Hey, Oliver.”
“Yes?”
“Wanna come to my place and play some games?”
“You mean right now?”
“Yeah, sure. Or whenever, don't really care.”
“… Okay, deal. You got anything new I haven't tried yet?”
“Dude, it's been a year, I'd be ashamed of myself if I had gotten nothing new whatsoever.”
“Tsk, tsk, it's not about quantity, my friend. It's about quality, or rather, about how much fun I'll have beating your ass at it.”
He said that, obviously trying to annoy me, but I could only smile at his cheerful tone. One I hadn't heard for well over a year now—actually , it had probably been a lot longer than that.
We walked straight home—mine, of course—while I listed all the games I'd bought during the past year. Not to toot my own horn, but Oliver of all people being impressed by the list already has to mean quite a bit.
“Okay, I get it, James, Iron Cog Revolt is an amazing game, but did you really need to buy two whole copies of it?”
“I would be beyond salvation f I hadn't, man. Bought the second exclusively to stream gameplay to my friends.”
“And did you do that yet?”
“… Nope. But it's still coming.”
“Okay, what else you got?”
“The best console of all time, my friend.”
“Coming from you that could mean anything.”
“The Mee Two.”
“Oh my god. You love failed consoles way too much.”
“Shut up and COPE!!! It absolutely IS the best console of all time—after the GamerSquare, that is.”
“You already are beyond salvation.”
“Well SCREW YOU SMARTASS!!! Good luck beating me at ANY game today, I've really had a lot of time to practice lately.”
“We'll see about that, bro. That's what you say every time.”
And so we walked back to my house, ready to beat each other at videogames and with our problems and worries set aside even if for just an instant.
Once we got there, we wasted no time getting down to business. The biggest source of drama was the fact that we both wanted to try fighting each other in as many games possible, but every time a match ended someone would want to go for another round.
As a hardcore gamer at heart, it was an afternoon to remember for a very long time—though only the wins, that is.
When it was over, and keep in mind we only stopped when one of my parents decided to cut electricity to my room, we didn’t waste an instant in deciding on another time to have another round.
“We can do tomorrow if you want, it’s not like I’ve got much planned anyway.”
I said that to Oliver, but was only met with a frown.
“No… Unlike you, I’m busy tomorrow. I’m busy most days, in fact. I don’t think I’ll really be free until next month for doing something like this. We can meet up in the park sometime, though.”
“S-sure. I’ll see you around.”
“Yeah… Thanks for today, James. It was really fun.”
“No problem, I needed it too. I guess this is what friends are for.”
“You’re probably right. Anyway, I’ll be going now. Goodnight.”
“Night, Oliver.”
“Wow, escaping again… It’s so easy and so fun, isn’t it?”
…?
“What are you gonna do next, keep carelessly hanging out with Oliver until he’s K.O. as well? And what about after that?”
Whose voice is that…?
“Ooooh, but of course. You’ll just ignore me and go on with your pitiful and self-pitying excuse for a life. When Oliver’s gone, you’ll cry for an hour or two and then move on to your next target, isn’t that right? Come on, even you must be getting tired of this shit. What about snapping out of it and acting your age for once in your life?”
… There’s nobody around. No reason to pay this any mind. My mental state has been constantly deteriorating for a while, though… All I can do is take it easy until I’m back in full form.
Now, what to do for the rest of the day?
It seems like I’ve exhausted all my repertoire by now. It’s either walking around the neighborhood, reading a book, playing games, walking around the other neighborhood, watching movies or movies online, or walking inside my own room.
Spicing it up for once was becoming a real possibility—no, a necessity.
……………
I couldn't think of anything. I was truly hopeless.
Please, no… Don't talk like that, don't let yourself fall even deeper…! I'm sorry for being harsh before, but please, I beg you, not this again…
…I wasn't in the mood for listening to voices in my head.
Once again, I stayed in my room all day.
Doing nothing.
Not even trying to hide that fact—there was nothing I wanted to do. The days when I had so many things to look forward to… if you told me they had ended half a decade ago, I'd believe you in a heartbeat.
When everything becomes background noise, when you can hardly get your own body to respond, when going downstairs to eat seems like so much of an effort you'd rather not eat at all—eventually, you realize you're sleeping sixteen hours a day.
Or maybe you won't realize it.
Maybe the few hours you spend awake aren't so different from the ones you spend asleep.
After all, both are spent in bed, with minimal movement, performing the bare minimum tasks to stay alive, much like a plant would—going to the bathroom three or so times a day being the only noteworthy exception.
Nobody cared to even try to help me break out of this vicious cycle… no, that's a stupid affirmation. It's nobody's fault but mine that all who once cared about me are no longer able or willing to reach me.
The days kept passing and passing… or so I thought, anyway. I could only barely tell the time at first, but at some point my body clock went crazy enough that sunlight and common sense stopped having any effect on me.
“Hey. Wake up, you dumbass. You've probably slept enough to cover the next year or two.”
“Mmmm.”
Who's here now…?
My parents would never care enough to check on me. And this voice definitely wasn't theirs… It was that of a younger male, one which I knew pretty well, but was too sleepy to fully remember.
“No mmmm’s, you stupid idiot. Do you want to stay like this until you fucking die of starvation?”
“Just… let me rest, okay? It'll go away eventually, I promise. I'll be back to normal…”
“Cut the crap, you've never been normal. You don't know what normal even means. Get out of your own head for once and look around you. Do you ACTUALLY plan on keeping this up any longer?”
“… Keeping what up? It’s not as if this affects anybody else, you know-”
Slap.
I felt Oliver’s hand—right, that’s who the owner of that voice was—hitting my face with far more strength than I’d expected. Or maybe I just hadn’t been expecting him to hit me at all.
Or maybe I’d spent so much time holed up in this room that any amount of force would have felt like I’d just been completely beaten up.
“Stop being such a self-absorbed piece of shit, James. Do me a favor and look around you for once.”
Dumbstruck, I did as I was told.
And slowly, I realized what he meant—for an instant, I became genuinely afraid of myself. Of what I’d been unconsciously driving myself into…
My whole expression must have changed to reflect this, because Oliver’s relaxed a small bit. Perhaps seeing I wasn’t so far gone as to not recognize the situation I’d put myself into, his look softened into one far less worried.
“Here, take this. You should eat something at the very least.”
He handed me a sandwich—it was made with pretty thin bread, and its contents (cheap supermarket ham and cheese) also didn’t have much substance to them. Normally I would have complained about it being way too small for my usual appetite.
But then again, as Oliver had said, maybe I was never normal to begin with. Or maybe I was at one point, but it had been so long I’d forgotten about it completely.
I couldn’t deny the possibility. And that might as well be a confirmation.
“… Come on, James. Get out of bed. We’re going for a walk.”
“A-are you sure? Don’t you have anything else to do?”
“Nah, I’m free today. I came to see you because you wouldn’t pick up the phone… Seeing the state of this place, you probably haven’t charged it in weeks.”
Wait.
Weeks?
How long had I even spent in that pitiful state…?
“Hey, Oliver…”
“Hm? What is it?”
“How long has it been since our gaming afternoon?”
“Like three weeks, maybe. Or four.”
“Oh shit…”
“How much time did you think had passed?”
“A week or two at most… though honestly, I legitimately had no clue past a certain point.”
“I see. Thank God I decided to come by, if I hadn’t you would probably have…”
“Yeah… I don’t really want to think about it.”
The more I asked, the more I thought about it, the more it terrified me. Maybe Oliver truly had saved me—no, of course he had. If it wasn’t for him, I would have ended in a state worse than dead sooner rather than later. Once again, someone else had to come and save me from myself.
“It’s fine, I understand. Get dressed and let’s go outside, okay?”
“Yeah… Thanks for everything, Oliver.”
“It’s nothing. This is just what friends do, man.”
As he said that, a smile emerging on his face for the first time since he’d entered my room, he went to patiently wait outside for me to get dressed.
I could’ve just gone back to sleep.
Technically, I could have—but there was no way I would allow myself to do something like that. I changed clothes the fastest my extremely weakened body would allow, and I stumbled my way out of my own room—my own prison, in which I’d stayed for far too long.
“Hey, welcome to the real world. How does it feel to live a little?”
Oliver said that upon seeing me go out of the room into the morning light. Sadly, though, I wasn’t the only one now exposed to the light—he was too.
And now I could see them bright as day.
The cuts all over his arms, bruises in his face and legs, blood still pouring out of some of them… All of that was now impossible to hide.
Impossible not to see.