Blaming the Victim
Sometimes, when we hear about others’ misfortunes, our reaction is shame or even guilt. We feel shame or guilty because we are OK, and they are not. But we can banish that feeling of shame or guilt by finding a way to blame that person for his or her own misfortune. But, is that fair?
Another situation where we blame others is when we screw up and hurt someone. If we do something to damage someone, especially something that is not easily reversed or remedied, one reaction is to say it was his/her fault, not mine. In other words, defend by taking blame away from you, the offender, and placing it on the vicitm. It is a pitiful display.
In blaming them, we don’t have to spend energy on shame and compassion or on acting to help. Blocking out these feelings with reverse righteousness and blaming others is effective, in a sense.
In some situations, it seems that the victim really can bear some of the blame. Consider that blame is never 100 percent. But focusing on helping rather than blaming is very neighborly and a more constructive way to go. Even if the victim bears some blame, there are others, the perpetrators, who have blame. Suppose a victim foolishly goes down a dark alley at night in a bad neighborhood where he/she is mugged. We often feel that the victim was foolish and is to be blamed. But the mugger/perpetrator has most of the blame for the loss or injury. Don’t let them get away with totally blaming the victim.
Consider another example. Suppose that someone is stalked by another. Stalking has been the subject of many psychological/criminal studies, and it is clear that stalkers often have mental problems. Stalking is considered a form of emotional abuse. There are remedies for stalkers, but a point for this essay is that stalkers are notoriously difficult to control. Even though the victim might be blamed, the fact is that stalkers are difficult to stop. The victim may very well need help to stop the stalker or deal with their actions.
Suppose someone is attacked in some way. The victim can be blamed in various ways. The blaming can be for provoking the attack, not doing enough to prevent it, or even deserving it. As for provoking the attack, we are all supposed to be in charge of and responsible for our actions. If someone verbally provokes you, you still have responsibility for your actions. Some might say that you should have done more to prevent the attack; but it is very difficult to control others. Sometimes the attack comes as a surprise, or the method is a surprise, particularly if it is by an illegal means. As for deserving the attack, it doesn’t seem possible that all misfortunes are deserved!
So, blaming the victim is too often used as an excuse for ignoring the problem, avoiding blame, and avoiding making amends, and avoiding helping. Areas where there is blaming the victim often include sexual assault, domestic violence, or poverty. But simple everyday problems can be included here.
For some, blaming the victim is a habit, maybe something learned from others. The next time you hear someone blaming the victim, think about it. Does the victim deserve all the blame? Are they being fair or biased?
What can you do to be fair? This seems important. 1. Show compassion for the vicitm and the damages. Help the victim. None of us are beyond being victims or are beyond making mistakes. 2. Hold the perpetrators accountable; direct blame where it belongs. 3. Contest statements about how it is the victim’s fault; restore a balanced view. 4. Let your actions be a model for others who otherwise would blame the victim. 5. Finally, find a way to help the perpetrator to lessen future problems.
If you want to explore this topic further, an internet search on “blaming the victim” should be helpful.
(The text is partly modified from passages in the book M. J. Kuhar, The Art and Ethics of Being a Good Colleague, Amazon, 2020, p. 22.)