It takes a very special type of person to willingly dominate another human being, sexually, physically and emotionally. It takes a special kind of person to 'let' those things happen, and to give over completely to the person in control, offering up mind, body and soul to them to do what they will. Acting as a Dominant is never in the purview of a bully, nor is the submissive a shrinking violet, afraid of his or her own shadow. Certainly, Dom/mes can be aggressive and submissives can be shy or reserved, but nothing is ever written in stone.

One thing to understand is that when you take on the role of a Dom/me and your submissive wants you to do things to him or her that you might not otherwise do, it's all an act. You are playing a role. Pain and pleasure go hand in hand here, but always on terms that you both set. Spanking his or her backside, leaving bite marks, using clothes pins, playing with whips, tying up your partner (or being tied up yourself, if you're a switch), all of these things are part of the role. Causing pain in order to bring pleasure is a tricky line though.

Start out slowly, and pay close attention to every cue you can - auditory, visual, emotional, it is all important. Afterward, when you have both found release, talk with your partner about what went on. An open dialogue is the best way to figure out A - what is wanted on both sides for future fun, and B - what is best avoided because it didn't work out. Aspects of BDSM like pain play (spanking, whipping, etc.), domination (bossing your partner around), and humiliation/degradation play (name calling, emotional abuse) are all part of the whole package. Even a perfectly sane, rational, and kind-hearted person can enjoy these things. The thing you have to remember is that it is an act. Never once is the responsible Dom/me maliciously causing harm to his or her submissive and neither should you.

Examples of what you can do to get the juices flowing, to so speak are as numerous as your imagination is broad. Perhaps you want to pretend you are the star athlete, and s/he is the captain of the cheer leading squad. Or you are the randy nerd who seduces the aforementioned cheerleader. Additionally, you can give him or her instructions to heighten the experience. If you enjoy watching one another pleasure yourselves, tell him or her how to go about it. You can spice it up by blindfolding him or her, too. Sensory deprivation is a surefire way to add spice to any encounter, though as with any new thing, start slow. If you two enjoy toys, there are stores and even websites that cater to pretty much every whim, though as with anything, do your homework first. If it doesn't look reputable, stay away.

An exciting sex life can be spiced up immeasurably with the inclusion of BDSM. You don't have to go all out, living it 24/7. That's a choice for the truly committed. If you are interested only in the kink and fetish aspect of it, there is nothing wrong with that. Go at your own pace, and do things your own way, so long as you and your partner maintain an open, honest and loving relationship throughout. Once things go sour, it ceases to be enjoyable, and trust can erode if either party abuses their position or neglects the wishes of the other. In short, BDSM simply isn't for everyone, but for those who enjoy it, it can be a life altering experience.

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