ANGELINA SALGADO

My grief is intensified & compounded by my past trauma. For over 3 years, I struggled with infertility due to Stage 3 Endometriosis. I had two invasive, laparoscopic surgeries, less than a year apart. After which, I endured a cycle of in-vitro fertilization, leading to a high risk pregnancy & emergency c-section 7 weeks early. Because my babies were born premature, they stayed in the NICU for 1 month. After being home for a month, Aurora Annette didn't wake up and never would again. Her death was ruled as Sudden Unexplained Infant Death. My art has become the primary outlet for my grief and emotions in losing my baby so unexpectedly.

Here’s the crazy thing, doing IVF produced only ONE healthy, viable embryo. Then, a miracle happened, and our one, uicorn embryo split and I was pregnant with identical twins. Wtf is even the point of me having to go through ALL of that if one of my twins was going to die? It’s a complete mindfuck to birth two babies, but only raise one. My Aurora paintings are vibrant, layered, sparkly, however, each painting comes from a very dark place (hence my black canvas): unresolved, complex trauma I carry, an intentional contrast to the bright colors and the glitter. Seeing my Aurora paintings change and evolve is the closest I will ever be, in this lifetime, to watching Aurora grow up with her twin. I’m bringing her into the present by acknowledging her through my art, while also validating my difficult, years-long journey to motherhood.

Lastly, I know that I did not survive through all of the trauma and loss for nothing. I know that I am more than my grief and depression. I am an artist. My decades-long fear of fully embracing my true artist self and following my lifelong dreams of being a professional artist died when my daughter did.