ysa | April 03, 2025 (23:16) |

digested all the wisdom of my friends,

it nourished my toxic self-disrespect   

and, i tried to be the better they hoped

but i die at the thought of even having hope

my body seems to inflate then deflate.. 

later be fed with all my miseries.

depended food intake with how the day went to treat me.

i could never love what i never was taught to have,

yet they pointed features i never thought i had,

and they looked at me differently.

their compliments all end up burying me.

when you grow, you grow with the things you pretended to outgrow,

you'll want to go, be twenty, but still, act far from being old.

who cries in their twenties and blame it to their mom?

who takes all the wrong gifts and say she's just a girl?

girlhood isn't all ladies have.

i had my feet off of the ground,

they all lifted me with insults

now i see the results of my 

fickle-tolerant-social-necessity-love

all mirrors feel ignored by my presence,

reflecting nothing but my conscience,

be this. be all. be none.

even my fear of guns makes me want one.

been out and about, been talked about

all eyes were on me as my own were somewhere unknown.

the urge to want to always know,

the shut down to not minding to go and know.