can i be serious for once?
the doors are banging ‘cause of my mom
it’s like bad heat when she’s mad
but feels like death when she’s not around
can i be too sad for once?
it’s a silent abuse when i’m surrounded
they’re like ghost riders
i’m not trying to fight but…
i take along pause,
to not feel everything all at once.
there’s a house and a big horn
it plays loud four weeks in a month
so, i’m not sure what to say at these moments,
only, at once, can i be all emotions?
never saw a fire over my father’s head
only a hollow figure of him under my bed
a little dusty but i reach from time to time
but over time, purpose fades and feels lesser to be mine
it’s like, there’s a ghost or two little girls
under my bed and a wife that never got to be my mother
and, there’s my dad which i never got and
now he’s a father to, maybe, better daughters
can i be alone for once?
though it’s always given to me most of the times
so, can i be a loner for once?
without the thoughts burying me like an avalanche
i try to skip lunch, so i learned to skip brunch
and feel relief for how my body seems unloaded
i try to be for everyone, but there’s not anyone
who didn’t fail to make me hate being tough
it’s just so rough, being tough
thinking that’s enough, but it’s not
it never was
it’s just to harsh, giving much
but i get a punch of reality
of who i could never be!
i resort to my poems and contain all my tears
yet no one happens to know that i’m always here
always trying.. to conquer my fears.
can i be coward for once?
though i’ve laid my bed there long time ago
what else can i be if i’ve had all misery?
i’m missing me and wanting to replace it at the same time.
‘cause i’m living life like it’s not mine..
is it mine?
i take along pause,
to not feel everything all at once.
there’s a house and a big thorn
waiting to stab through me from the bus.