Please prepare for takeoff into the wild blue yonder of aviation... where the only thing higher than the altitude is our sense of humor!
Here you'll find everything you never knew you needed to know about the magnificent, sometimes baffling, and occasionally terrifying world of flight. Whether you think ailerons are tiny alien robots or you can identify a Boeing 747 by the sound of its sneeze, you're in the right airspace.
So, fasten your seatbelts (figuratively, unless you're reading this on a plane, in which case, maybe pay attention to the safety briefing), stow your tray tables (again, figurative... unless...), and prepare for a journey through the hilarious highs and (hopefully not too dramatic) lows of aviation. Just try not to spill your beverage during any unexpected turbulence of laughter. Enjoy the flight!
Featured Pages:
Level 1: Smooth Sailing (Green)
Barely a Bump: Like gliding over a freshly ironed cloud.
Smooth as Butter: You could balance a cup of coffee on your head... probably.
Nap Time Approved: Feel free to drift off into a peaceful slumber.
The Airplane is Behaving: Finally, some cooperation.
Enjoy the Ride: This is what we call "uneventful" in a good way.
Level 2: Light Chop (Yellow)
A Little Bumpy: Like driving over those rumble strips on the highway, but in the sky.
The Airplane is Hiccuping Gently: Nothing to worry about, just a little air indigestion.
Stirring Your Drink For You (Slightly): Keep a hand on that beverage.
Complimentary Mini-Massage: Enjoy the subtle vibrations.
Minor Air Potholes: Just a few gentle dips and wiggles.
Level 3: Moderate Turbulence (Orange)
Things Are Getting a Bit Lively: Time to hold onto your snacks and maybe your sanity.
The Airplane is Doing the Cha-Cha: A more enthusiastic dance routine now.
Expect Some Definite Bumps and Jiggles: Like a rollercoaster that forgot the tracks were perfectly smooth.
Seatbelts Suggested (For Your Belongings' Sake): And yours too, just in case.
The Atmosphere is Feeling a Little Spicy: Things are heating up (or rather, getting a bit shaky).
Level 4: Severe Turbulence (Red)
Hold On Tight, Buttercup!: We've entered the "things you see in movies" zone.
The Airplane is Auditioning for an Action Movie: Expect some serious shaking and rattling.
Everything That Isn't Tied Down Might Take Flight (Inside): Secure your belongings!
Return to Your Seats and Fasten Them Securely (Seriously, Now): This isn't a drill.
Thoughts and Prayers to Your Beverage (and Maybe Your Lunch): It's gonna be a bumpy ride.
Did you know the wingspan of a Boeing 747 is longer than the Wright Brothers' first flight? Just think about that next time you complain about legroom.
The amount of fuel some airplanes carry could get you to the moon and back... well, maybe just to the other side of town during rush hour.
Pilots spend approximately 75% of their career trying to remember where they parked the plane last.
Statistically, the chances of a mid-air collision are about the same as finding a matching pair of socks in the laundry on the first try. Coincidence? We think not. The universe has a weird sense of humor.
The average commercial pilot drinks approximately their body weight in coffee per week. This is not an official statistic, but have you seen them before their first flight?
The reason airplane food tastes the way it does is actually a carefully calibrated psychological experiment to make passengers appreciate solid ground even more.
Air traffic controllers have a secret competition to see who can use the most obscure aviation jargon in a single transmission without causing a pilot to spontaneously combust from confusion.
The original design for airplane wings was inspired by particularly graceful (and surprisingly aerodynamic) potato chip crisps. This is why some turbulence feels suspiciously like being shaken in a chip bag.
The little oxygen masks that drop down in an emergency? They're actually filled with helium. The real emergency plan is to make everyone sound like chipmunks so the situation seems less serious.
The pre-flight safety demonstrations are legally required to be at least 70% miming and 30% understandable language. This ratio was scientifically proven to maximize passenger confusion and minimize panic.
Don't treat the seatback screen like your personal drum kit.
Avoid bringing your pet boa constrictor as carry-on (emotional support or not).
The overhead bin is not your personal storage unit for your entire house.
Conversations with strangers should generally not involve your detailed medical history.
Reclining your seat is a delicate art, not a sudden act of aggression.