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There’s a girl that recently started working at the fitness center where I work out. The first time I talked to her, she seemed to like me. Her body language was great, and she told me some things that seemed to indicate that she was interested in me.
For example, after we found out each other’s ages, she told me that she always dates guys that are younger than her (I am a few years younger). She also told me indirectly that she was single, and that she didn’t know many people because she just moved here. Anyways, we talked for about 45 minutes, and I ended up asking her if she wanted to go out on a certain day. She refused, saying that she was busy on that day, but “we should definitely go out some other time”.
The problem is that the next time I saw her, she didn’t seem interested in me at all! And the third time I saw her, she was friendly, but didn’t seem like she wanted to talk much. What do you think is happening here? One thing to keep in mind is that the first time I talked to her, we were alone. But, the next two times, there was somebody else working with her. Could it be that she doesn’t want to be too open to me in front of her coworkers? Or, is she just playing games? Or, did she lose interest in me for some reason? I hope you can provide some insight into this situation.
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Dr. Neder answers:
Because she was with her co-workers, she was probably feeling some pressure to not be too friendly. Many businesses, especially those that cater to the dating public have rules preventing employees from “fraternization”. Although women can use almost any excuse to play games, I don’t think this is one of them. Thus, I wouldn’t put too much weight on her “coolness”.
As with most dating situations, you should get her aside (you may need to ask for her help with something, or wait until she is free), and then tell her you are going to take her out this coming weekend. If you seem to have trouble getting her by herself, try this. Write this on a piece of paper and just hand it to her at the beginning of your workout:
“Hey! You’re so busy at work that I hate to bother you (you are SO professional!).
Anyway, let’s get together for that drink this weekend [or whatever…], check off which day is better and give me your home phone number:
____ Saturday night
____ Wednesday night [obviously, use your own timeframe here]
Phone: ________________________________”
Then, after you’ve finished working out, go find her and ask for your note back. This will take the pressure off of her in front of her co-workers, and get things moving. Now all you need to do is call her to confirm.
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