aditto.

This has to be one of the most unbelievable set of events that led me to creating this film, and furthermore the struggles I went through to actually make it. From the struggle of waking up at 8am, to filming everything I do throughout the entire day all by myself making my loneliness even more apparent for me, to the struggle of the last shot. Above all, the actual emotional burden of a story like this.

As I had discussed through all my promotional material, I got the idea for the story way before and had discussed with my mother who was surprised that I had an idea like this. Even I felt a bit weird with the morbid nature of the story and decided to not write it for months, but after writing I again sat with her, and still she was a bit iffy about it, which made me want drop the story. But it weirdly stuck to me. Then December came, and literally turned my life upside down and I was in the worst state that I could be in. After a few days of her passing, I made my father go to work because he needed it. 19th December was the date, making it significant to the film. Then in the month of January, I revisited the script and realised that it was unbelievably and unnervingly similar to my life. So, I decided to rewrite a few aspects and sat with the idea to shoot it. I was puzzled for days, talking to anyone and everyone around me, including trying to understand how mom would feel about this. After weeks I thought that this might be a way for me in to process the entire thing in some way.

So, on 21st January, I decided to shoot it, which was a day off from my college. I slept late the night before writing to write (actually with pen and paper) the entire shot-list for the film. From waking up at 8am, and filming with sleepy eyes, to cooking my own lunch and getting drenched while shooting, I did it all. After which I had no time to shoot the final shot, which was not even the plan. I thought I would do it another day. I started with the post-production of the film, which was further hindered with annoying college activities that I had to be a part of. I almost got done with the sound-design and creating the environment. I decided to take various shots at shooting at a park near my college with friends as I needed them for the scene, but it was closed every time I went there. Finally, I had a collaboration for the film, a RabindraSangeet was supposed to be performed by my friend, but that fell through the day before. So, I decided to use the copyrighted version of it at the end, and recorded my guitar for the montage in the middle. I went to the park near my house, which was my original inspiration while I wrote the film and shot the entire scene. While editing then, I realised that there was bad montage footage that I had taken, so I was not able to use them. I went another day, and did my work, and finally got ready with the film. I then colour-graded and captioned the dialogues, and added the started and ending portions.

Recording some of the voiceovers to put them in the film was a very heavy experience. I cried for about an hour after the dialogue where I demand to my mother to feed and she mocks me to be a 20-year-old baby, and I get angry at that, which was something she did days before while she was in the hospital. In the initial script, she also had lines which she had to do for the film to really add to the feel, and it was gut-wrenching to think that those heavy emotions turned from fiction to reality. After the competion, I showed the film to my father, who is a great critique for my work and gives me honest and direct feedback. He hugged me the moment the film ended, and really commended me to have an artistic side to be able to express grief in such a way. With his reaction I realised that I truly might have made something good. So, I was time now for the film to release; and as I am writing this the day before the release, I am nervous excited, but also satissfied that I finally made such a story that was so close to me and I executed it the way I did.

I hope that you felt something too (even if it was hatred for me to have wasted 9 minutes and 28 seconds of your life). Please let me know. Watch it here -