Eileen's Man Replacement
On the day after the Equinox, when Eileen came by after work to collect Ian, she had a few minutes for Mum who was sat on the living room couch. Ian was out in the back yard helping his grandfather untangle some serious knots in a really long outdoor power extension cord. Watching them do that was not too unlike watching one of the Three Stooges acts. The more they tried, the more knots seemed to appear in the long orange spaghetti like monster.
Anyway, Mum asked: "Everything go alright for you, last night?"
This was the first Equinox that Eileen tried to comply with the ritual 'without a man to do his part'. She looked directly at her Mum and said: "Yes, Mum. I took care of everything, just like I've taken care of everything since Robert ran out on me."
"Dearie, I didna mean to upset you so. Forget about that piece of low-life trash and get on with your life."
"You're right Mum. I'm sorry that I reacted like that but I got another 'interrogatory' from his lawyer in the mail today and it has set my teeth on edge. Please Mum, I really mean it, I'm sorry that I snapped at you.
Getting up from the couch, Mum took the few steps to her daughter and hugged her tightly. "You're my bairn and my heart hurts when your heart hurts. Forgive an old woman, but I so desperately want you to be happy."
Sniffling back a little tear, Eileen hugs her Mum back and with a sheepish smile says:" I am at peace with Earth Mother. I made a fair effort at being faithful to the ritual. You have nothing to be ashamed of, this daughter was faithful, as well as she could, by herself."
Mum wasn't interested in any of the lurid details. She simply stated that she has been led to believe that all three of her bairns have faithfully executed the requirements to show their thanks to the Earth Mother.
"And you?" Eileen blurted out.
"Well let's just say that I am at peace with Earth Mother and your father is in a much better mood today, OK?"
"Sure, that's OK. Just send Ian over when he gets through helping Pappy with that cable. I'm going over to start his supper."
Eileen trundled on home and started a simple but nutritious dinner for Ian and herself. Just then, Ian came in the back door proudly announcing that he had helped Pappy 'take the knots out of his 'lectric' cord He was proud of his effort and marched right over to the dinner table looking expectantly at his mother. "It will be a few minutes before dinner is ready, little man. You should go into the bathroom and wash your hands." So, the little guy got down and marched himself down the hall to the washroom. Eileen never did hear the water run, but he was back in about one minute. Boys!
Over dinner, they chatted about Ian's day playing over at Pappy's house and all the other things that go through a 4 year old mind. Soon, it was time for his bath, a couple of stories and then off to bed. Once Ian was sorted and settled in, Eileen lit-off her laptop and connected to the internet through the Wi-Fi in Pappy's house. The Wi-Fi came with the cable TV service and was, for her, essentially free.
Remembering the totally shattering orgasm that she had enjoyed the night before, she decided to do a little research on some related subjects. First, what was in those Liquid Glycerin Suppositories and were they safe to use more frequently than once every six months. The answer came back from a number of sources, yes they contain mostly glycerin, they have a very low toxicity and apparently should not be used more than once a day.
That's good news, her current estimate puts her using one about every week or so. So far, so good.
Next, what can she use to simulate semen instead of the water that she would re-fill the little bulb with? After some on-line searches, she found the basic constituents of semen. Looks like a little water, a couple of different types of sugar, a thickening agent and, of course, lots and lots of sperm. Well, she wasn't going to be able to synthesize the sperm but all the other components seemed doable.
She would start on her plan tomorrow. Unless, of course, she could swipe one of the many semen samples that are brought into the office by couples trying to conceive. It's very easy and rather conclusive to test the male first. They bring in a sample, usually in a cleaned out baby food jar (I get the irony) and have the doctor look at a small sample under the microscope to see if there are any viable sperm there, any dead sperm, any wounded warriors or any other observable things which could indicate that the male partner was to blame for the infertility. She remembers that she sees the still partially filled jars being disposed of in the Medical Waste bag. She agrees with the labeling, all that good semen in those jars being thrown out is definitely a 'waste'.
So now for the dilemma, fabricate or liberate? Or maybe both. Let's see how the synthesis process works out. She has a few ideas. And, she found out, the liquid glycerin suppositories inject up to 7.5 ml of fluid up your bum. The average ejaculate is somewhere between 0.1 and 10.0 ml. SO, using one of these little bulbs, at 7.5 ml is a good approximation of the average load of cum delivered by the average guy.
Eileen continued to research her home-made semen idea, eventually coming up with her own recipe. Checking her kitchen cabinets and the pantry she found that she had all the ingredients that appeared on her list. She had Honey, Corn syrup, table sugar, and cream of tartar. She had to decide on the quantities, but that wouldn't be too difficult. She shouldn't need to make too much, at least until she decided if it was worth the effort. Tomorrow night would be the start of a new adventure. For tonight, a little hot chocolate with a dash of rum and then to bed.
As luck would have it, the following day at work dragged on. Eileen looked at the notes for each of the patients on the schedule for the day and none were coming in with the desired semen sample. Not today and apparently not until early next week. Eileen tried to imagine how the couples were dealing with planning and scheduling the hand-job that would be needed to produce the sample. She assumed that the wife (She guessed that they would be married) would do the deed for her husband, but where and when. They were supposed to keep the sample close to body temperature and deliver it to the doctor within one hour of collection. So, depending on how far away they lived, they would either do it at home or on the way. Eileen promised herself that she would occasionally peek into the back-parking lot a little while before the scheduled couple is due to arrive just to see if she could catch them 'in the act' of collection. She also decided that she must be a little perverted since she noticed a slight dampness collecting in her panties as she thought about this. 'Maybe I'm just sweating'.
That night, after Ian was safely in bed, Eileen started to create her concoction (emphasis on the cock). Knowing that a tablespoon is approximately 15 ml she decided to use an even ratio of all the liquid ingredients, including water and 'just a pinch' of the powdered cream of tartar. So, taking a small sauce pan, she put in four tablespoons of water, four of the honey, and four of the corn syrups. As for the table sugar, she thought that this mixture was already starting out as extremely sweet so she opted for a single half-tea spoon of sugar. A pinch of the cream of tartar was added to the mix and then she stirred. There wasn't a lot of fluid in the pan, less than 200 ml, so stirring and mixing didn't take too long. The honey and corn syrup made it a little thick so Eileen added another two tablespoons of water to thin in out a little. Now for some heat. She didn't want to boil the stuff, only a gentle heating to allow for a thorough mixing and to completely dissolve the granular sugar (should she have used powdered sugar? Too late now!)
With the gas on as low as it could go without going out, Eileen carefully heated the mix while continuing to stir. As it warmed, a sweet smell came off that made her think that it would probably taste good. Likely it would taste a lot better than Roberts's nasty old cum did. She never liked giving him a blow job. He always insisted on them when she wanted something from him. She just didn't like it. On the rare occasion that he went down on her, she didn't mind reciprocating and a little sixty-nine once in a while was nice. But she always tried to 'dodge out of the way' when he came, letting him spew his mess onto her tits. That actually felt good, as she remembers.
When her product appeared well mixed and before it got too hot, Eileen removed it from the heat and let it cool. Meanwhile, she took one of the liquid glycerin suppositories out of the box and inspected it closely. The stuff in it, presumably the liquid glycerin, appeared rather viscous and much thicker than she had thought. She had seen the liquid before, but only when she was discharging one between her knees into the toilet. Eileen pulled off a few paper towels and folded them about four thick. Putting the towels onto the kitchen table, she removed the protective cap from the suppository and squeezed out the contents onto the towel. It was rather thick but it came out of the bulb rather easily. She noticed that all of the contents did not come out on the first squeeze. So, repeating the process two more times she got most of it out, but a little remained. This, she thought, would probably not hurt anything and there must have been at least this much left in the one that she had refilled with water and squirted up her bum on the night of the Equinox.
She folded up the paper towels and tossed them into the trash can. Now, taking the empty suppository in hand she again squeezed the air out of the bulb and put the tip into the sauce pan containing her synthetic semen. Her stuff was a little thicker than the liquid glycerin, but as she watched, it was drawn up through the tube into the bulb by the vacuum. When it stopped, she noticed that the level of fluid in the saucepan hadn't dropped noticeably. She had made much more than enough. She replaced the cap on the newly refilled suppository and placed it on the counter. What to do with the leftovers?
Opening her cabinet, she took out one of the smallest plastic reusable containers that had a tight-fitting lid. The home-made semen took a few minutes to drain into the container but she got most of it out of the pan. She capped the container and washed the pan in the sink. A little soap and water and it was as clean as new. Looking at the plastic container, she estimated that, if she liked it, she had enough for at least a dozen self administrations. If she didn't like it, she intended to throw it all away, including the container.
Eileen sensed her body becoming a little excited as she finished putting her kitchen back into order. Her panties were again feeling like they were a little more moist than usual and her nipples were feeling good as they rubbed on the inside of her house dress. She usually changes into a house dress when she comes home from work. The scrubs are comfortable, but she feels a little dirty in them and doesn't want to wear her work clothes around Ian. She removes her bra when she changes, preferring to let the 'girls' breathe while in her own home.
Taking the newly created 'liquid semen suppository' with her, Eileen checks the doors again and goes on up into her bedroom. Putting her new toy onto the night table, she strips off the house dress and puts it on the hook on the door. Panties into the hamper and her into the bathroom, the nightly shower routine begins.
She runs the water into the tub until the temperature is to her liking. She climbs in and turns the valve up to the shower head. Eileen begins a thorough cleaning, including her hair. The shampoo feels good and smells better. As she is lathering and rinsing, (repeat as required, etc.) she starts to think about using her new little toy. It suddenly dawns on her that all the ingredients are very likely to support the growth of bacteria. If she puts that into her vagina, as originally planned, she is more than likely to get a yeast infection. Why hadn't she thought of that before she went through all the trouble to make it? Damn!
After the shower, and while blow drying her hair, Eileen continues to ponder the dilemma. She really did enjoy the little anal shot that she gave herself on the night of the Equinox. And, now that she has thought it through, she is becoming less enthused about using her new little toy in her puss since she wants to avoid the possibility of an uncomfortable case of 'crotch rot'. Why not repeat the thoroughly enjoyable sequence which she came upon at the Equinox and use the new toy to give her bum a little sweet treat? She can't get a yeast infection in her bum and she will be pooping it out the next day anyway. Brilliant! So, that's the plan and she was happy with it.
So, foregoing the night dress, Eileen proceeds directly to her bed and rearranges the pillows to her liking. She has, even before she was married, liked to hump her puss against a nice firm pillow while she gets 'personal' with herself. Satisfied with the arrangements, she retrieves her vibrator from her drawer and lays herself down on the bed. One quick check lets her know that the new device is still sitting on her night stand, all filled and ready. Tonight, she indulges herself and lets her new boyfriend 'buzz' about her nips a little bit. The vibrator is thoroughly pleasing when applied to the areola and soon the little 'perkies' are standing fully erect. While she works the electronic fellow over her boobs, one hand slips on down and starts the real game in her nether regions.
Pleasuring herself with her fingers produces the desired effect and Eileen soon feels that familiar wetness oozing out of her vagina. She moves the vibrator on down to pick up a little of the self-made lube. Satisfied that everything is ready, she plunges the vibrator into her slippery tube and pushes it in until she can sense it against her cervix. Happy with the current state of affairs, Eileen reaches over to the night table and picks up the suppository and removes the protective cap. Leaving the cap on the table, she rolls over onto the pillow and pushes her mound into the firm fabric a few times enjoying the sensation of friction and pressure on her now throbbing clit.
With one hand holding her butt cheeks apart, she slides the tip up and down in her crease until she can feel it right in line with her arse-hole. A slight push and it's fully seated in her rectum. Eileen now really gets down on that sexy old pillow. One long stroke follows another until she is breathing heavy and her legs begin their familiar twitching. As the pulsing of her orgasm begins, she can feel the tube impaling her arse and damn, it really feels good. She is sure that the body heat which must be accumulating back there is making the fluid a little less thick. After she rides out the orgasm, she reaches back, finds the little bulb and gives it a good squeeze. She can feel the fluid as it enters her bowel. It is somehow different from the last time when it was only water. This time she can actually feel it as it slowly glides along the inside of her colon. She lays there for a few minutes as her crotch slowly comes back to near normal.
Rolling onto her side, she reaches down and removes her friend 'buzz' from her now very happy pussy. Turning it off, she puts it on top of the night table, she will sanitize it in the morning and put it away then. The little suppository is still in her butt and she leaves it there for a few minutes enjoying the sensation of that unique type of penetration. When she realizes that she is getting a little drowsy, and not wanting to fall asleep with that thing still inside her, she reluctantly reaches back and removes the suppository from her bum. She actually notes its removal as a feeling of loss. Holding it by the bulb, she finds the protective cap on the night stand and replaces it. Eileen puts the little thing onto her night stand, next to the vibrator. She will toss it in the garbage in the morning, Now to sleep.
Just as she is drifting off, she thinks: "Why should I just throw it away? I can reuse it!" Happier with her decision, she allows herself to drift off to sleep. Just as on the occasion of the equinox, Eileen has a good night's rest and doesn't leak a drop.
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