Toby

You are in love with existence, you silly beast 

You try and hide it behind that bored expression but anyone could see it 

You beg all day to be let loose to run in the grass 

You’ve made the local blue jay angry, just by doing that wiggly dance of yours on the sun-warmed concrete 

It scares your little brother, but you pay it no mind as you nibble on the potted plants 

You give us a look, whenever we bring home a food you’ve never seen 

Even through our language barrier, I can hear you asking to be included 

You sit so patiently in that too-big wooden chair, and wait until you’re given your own little plate, to bask in the wonder of experience 

You do not like apples or potatoes, we discovered 

You care more for the pizza box and the just-made-hot-food-warmth it carries than you do for what’s inside 

You love cheese, even though I know we share the same stomach that complains about it 

Popcorners are your favorite brand of chip, only the white cheddar flavor, of course 

You love those so much you got stuck in the bag 

Our kitchen was full of laughter that night, as our Keurig’s little twin made a mess of the counter 

I could see that look of bewilderment on your face, even through the assurances of NEVER FRIED, 140 CALORIES PER SERVING, NO ARTIFICIAL COLORS OR FLAVORS 

You try to get your brother to lie for you (he won’t) 

We need to baby proof our cabinets sometimes, because you taught yourself how to open them

We can’t leave the dog food on the floor anymore, because you always found a way to get into it 

You’re too smart for your little body 

I think if you’d been born with thumbs, you’d be ruling the world by now 

But you’re happy, using that brain to find new, terrifying ways to wake me up at 4 am, and sneaking past your bumbling idiot of an ‘uncle’ when he leaves the door open

And I’m happy that you’re here, living your best life as a nuisance, a not-quite child, and a lover of food, with every inch of your being

The Life of a Rabbit

They walked 

They walked because they could not run 

Because when they ran their footsteps seemed too many 

When they walked, the light in their hand burned steady 

They could not see what stood around them 

But in their little bubble of light, they felt safe 

They froze 

There was a noise that was not their own 

They kept walking, because they could not see, and what they could not see could not hurt them because the dark was out there, and they were safe in their flickering light 

They kept walking 

To stop would be to say something is wrong 

And if nothing is wrong, then they are safe 

So they kept walking 

A rattling sound whispered in the dark 

A noise from a throat that was not theirs 

But there was nothing wrong, and what they could not see could not hurt them, and they were safe in their light 

And they kept walking 

There were hot puffs of rancid air on their ankles then 

They wanted to cry 

Something was wrong 

But they kept walking, because what else could they do, not so alone in the dark they couldn’t see 

A whistling breath 

Their candle sputtered out 

….. 

They crawled

They crawled because they could not walk 

Because when they walked there were snaps and pops and pain 

So they crawled, because they could not feel the blood drip down their leg if the hungry earth swallowed it first 

They cried now, because something was wrong, and the dark was here, and the air blew hot and wet and eager in their face 

And then they did not cry 

Did not crawl 

Then something was walking 

It walked because it did not run 

It did not run because it was full now, and it would be hungry soon 

Something was walking

So, Where Are You Going to College?

Sometimes I think I think too much 

Cause everyone says “They’ll be the best years or your life” 

And everyone says “Get farther away” 

But I’m a tiny fish in a smaller pond 

My wings have been growing all my life but I still don’t trust them to carry me And the doctors in my family say “You don’t need to worry so much about money” And the people who love their jobs say “Don’t worry so much about finding that perfect career” 

But all my life the thought of plodding monotony, of work for works sake, has made me want to cry 

And my art teacher hated me because I yearned to pour life into the tedium of her lifeless assignments, made only to be simple to grade 

And my English teacher took my heart and soul, still smelling of warm ink, and crushed them under angry strokes of red pen 

And if I can’t walk that wire when the safety net is there 

How am I meant to study and memorize and work for pennies that need to be stretched over food, and rent, and doctor’s visits to tell me why my ramshackle body won’t work right, and to fix the air conditioner when it breaks and– 

And how am I meant to look at the future, and smile 

Because those pennies won’t make it that far 

And who knows if this city, this country, this world will be around for much longer And where does that leave us, all the little kids in almost grown bodies 

Doing their best to live while the inevitability of the frowning future leans over their shoulders, knuckles clinking against an hourglass that’s too close to empty, counting down the two years, 3 months, and twenty-six days 

Until that move to a too big pond, that leap of faith on unsteady wings, that first day of what everyone says will be the best years of my life