MMS 100 Blog

I did not pass the UPCAT, the DCAT, and the USTET. My only thoughts that is running on my mind is: I.AM.A.FAILURE. I remember my dad (a busy man) sacrificed his time just so I can arrive early in my UPCAT review classes. He sacrificed everything just so his son can pass to these 'top university' but he did not pass, nevertheless. Yes, I did study hard but not all my might. I played Dota 2 instead of studying every day. I give up even though the battle isn't over. I don't have the confidence that I'll pass to any of these exams so I played while studying. During that time, I know that in the future I will regret these things, still, I played. Not knowing in the future, that that naive 18 year old boy will plan to commit suicide. He wanted to end his life just for the failed entrance exams he got. His dad lose his respect to him, he even told it to his brother. I cried inside. It hurts, not because I didn't pass the entrance tests but because it came from my dad. It hurts because I'm telling myself that I'm not affected to all of these things, I'm trying to comfort myself in spite of all these rejections but then there's my dad who keeps telling me these rejections that punched me in the face of reality. I did what I could in a limited time for the preparation of these entrance tests but still, I didn't got what I deserve or maybe I deserve this.

Months later, my sister, in doubt that I didn't pass the UP, contacted the UP registrar and asked us to go there and get my UPG. I told my father that I don't have the 'face' to go there because I will just embarrass myself even more but my father still forced me to come. I just sat at our car waiting for my father to get my UPG without expecting anything but merely hoping. Later on, my father announced that I did pass the cutoff UPG of the UP system in both UPOU and UP los baños. That time, I don't know if I'm going to be happy or not because it's already too late to enroll. It's august and august is the start of the classes of most universities. The only thing that I remember is that I wish I could have trust myself, I wish I took a leap of faith in God's word. So the only thing I did was to pray every day. I prayed that God chose the right path for me and I prayed that this path is UPOU. My prayers came true. The delegates allowed me to enroll at UPOU even though it's really late.

Till now, I never regretted everything what had happened to me. The mistakes, the feeling of giving up my life and giving up my dreams. Those struggles made me mature. It gave me a lesson; to trust myself and God even more. I experienced a lot of pressures in my online education but nevertheless, I keep this as my motivation to endure and put the value of perseverance into myself. Right now, I am happy and motivated to this experience.