Closing Blog

"First trimester. First online education. First struggles. Failed marks and highest marks. A lesson. Growth. Development." — That's how I described my experienced in words. I've been into ups and downs, experienced anxieties and depression, loneliness and solicitude, comfort and struggle, bliss and misery in just first trimester. But, was it all worth it?

It is my first time studying in an online environment accompany with UP education system so there are still adjustments and changes undergoing in the first phase of my development at UPOU. Although the word "connected" is connected to the word "online education," I sometimes feel that I'm "disconnected" to the real world, I feel like I'm lonely and no one knows what I'm going through. Later on, I realized that it is my choice whether I "disconnect" or "connect" with the people around me despite my online education. Ironically, because of my online education, I even got more connected to my friends and families in a more warm and expressible manner than ever before. So I've learned that it's not an excuse that studying in an online education really "disconnects" you to other people, it's still your choice, even in life.

In just first trimester, I got my first highest mark (99.00) and a failure mark (4.00) — a bliss and misery combined. There are a lot of readings that needs your immediate attention in history 1, wika 1, and communication 2 subjects. There are those submissions that require an "unwritten rules" wherein there are no given set of instructions/rules of proper writing and criteria in your submissions. As a result, even if you did submit a high quality of work, you'll get deducted with the missing parts (eg. proper citations) that were not given during the instructions. I worked hard and exerted efforts to all of my submitted works in my academics but it felt like I didn't receive what I deserve. Because I'm still 'adjusting' and 'adapting' in my online environment and to college life, difficulties and faults are normal. It is true that I struggled with all of these experiences. I even got anxieties and depression from all of these and got disconnected to most of my friends and families. But you know, It's a lesson to learn. It's as if a "welcome to college" greeting from me where your efforts are covert because of your mistakes, but it's normal and a part of life and growth. Once you've learned your lessons, you'll realized how much you've grown and I know one day all these sufferings, lessons, faults and mistakes will help me to enrich myself for my future.

I admit that I experienced struggles coupled with anxieties and depression during my first trimester in college, but I faced it head on and learned from all of it. Frankly, I didn't notice before that I'm suffering anxieties and depression too from my high school and entrance exam experiences. I was actually in denial before, so although I experienced it again during my first trimester, it is a good thing that I'm addressing it today with the help of my online education here at UPOU where I got the chance to learn and discover more of myself without the influence of others.

One time I was reading my bible and I ended up with this passage from job 5:17-18, "Blessed is the one whom God corrects; so do not despise him, his discipline. For he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal." — this passage significantly helped me to recover from my difficulties. I ended up knowing that all of the challenges that I've encountered during my first trimester were all of just God's way of disciplining me. This discipline was part of my growth. This growth was essential for my future. In just reading my bible all of my problems disappeared and turned into strength and hope. All of it was painful yet I know I'll do better.

All of the struggles I've encountered; the depression, anxieties, loneliness, and misery — were all part my growth and development. Was it all worth it? Yes, it was! It was all worth the pain to know and learn from these experiences. As this first phase ends, a new phase begins, new struggles to unravel and a new lesson for growth and development. A new phase to learn more and persevere all through it.