MMS 172 Assignment 4: Closing Blog

I think it wouldn't be crazy to say that this term has been so tiring; I bet I'm not the only one who feels that way. I'm finally at the last requirement for this subject. Did I enjoy it?

Yes, I did, but it was also quite tiring for me. I am genuinely interested in learning new things, but performing arts has never been my forte, especially things leaning toward audio, music, and dance. I wanted to keep up with every discussion in this subject, but I always checked them too late or forgot about them entirely. I missed multiple optional assignments here and there, which left me questioning myself: Am I forcing myself to be interested?

The way my body and mind responded to the past optional assignments was a definite "meh." Am I truly happy, or am I just trying to make things better by paying close attention to detail and giving my best to the assignments? I hate how my mind sets up the expectation that as long as it's a requirement, I must do everything to make an impression. The problem is, I am an expressionist—in my art and in my actions. Somehow, I know I expressed myself in the final product of this last assignment. But since this is my first time making an audio media, I am having that feeling that I want it to be impressive.

I let my boyfriend, who played the narrator, and my friend Aly, who played the mother in the radio drama, listen to the final output. They both loved it, which made me think that it might be enough. Yet, even though they found it impressive, I am still overthinking. People always find me impressive, even people looking up on me. Somehow it still makes me think that am I really the type of person to look up into? It's a huge fight against myself, but at the same time, I am giving myself the assurance that everything will go well soon.

I love being curious and even exploring and doing a bit of adventuring. Here, I really stepped out of my comfort zone, although it felt off. It felt so off that even when I reminded myself to do the optional assignments, I still wasn't feeling it. I'm not sure if that's called procrastination anymore. My own mind gave me the idea that if I really want to do something, I can just do it—and this is true, by the way.  But like Jennie on that spicy chicken wing challenge, I kanttt.  I think I was lying to myself that I am actually interested in audio... I might have been, but probably not anymore after everything that has happened to me this trimester.

I can't believe I'm relating more to the song "Ballad of a Homeschooled Girl" by Olivia Rodrigo, which I posted on my Instagram at the start of this trimester. She's quite my favorite artist, aside from her being all about purple and stars and everything else. The things that happened to me this semester were so tiring that I haven't gone back to cosplaying or even drawing. People find those activities fascinating about me, and even my voice acting. Yet, the radio drama didn't feel as great as I wanted it to be. When listening to it again and again, especially during the mixing and mastering phases, it just felt off. I think this is the equivalent of that phenomenon when you look at a drawing for too long and start to see all the faults and things that aren't supposed to be there. With all of these realizations, I do really need some time off.

However, the transition to the next academic year is in just A WEEK! That's not enough for a rest. I am glad they are having a petition to adjust it. I badly need a rest.

Everything I was told about this subject was true, as were all my expectations. I came ready but worked in a state of not-ready at the same time. Being an observer gave me two possible outcomes for myself at the end of this subject: either I felt like I did great, or I felt like I didn't. Sometimes, confidence is not always a key in these types of activities when you don't have much experience yet. Yes, I came from the Arts and Design Strand, so I have a little background, but that doesn't mean I enjoyed it. I might be lying now if I said, "I did."

I was never really a fan of creating my own audio compositions, like making music or anything like that. It really seems fun, but I can't help but fall out of love with the creation process itself, even though I love listening to what other people have created. As much as I appreciate music, I don't have the ideal mindset of a musician. It's like you really like how a person does something, but you can never do it yourself. Some people will say, "Just practice," but if you're not interested in doing it, you won't do it well. Believing that you can but still ending up with a not-so-good or just-satisfactory output is not confidence, but rather pride.

Checking the ePortfolio list, most of them do not have their third assignment yet. I already listened to Aly's; it was great and gave me a sense of nostalgia from my junior high journalism days when I used to work with broadcasters. I also listened to Janna's work, which I accessed through the list. It was an experience that made you want to sit in a corner and just listen. The rest do not have a repository for their MMS 172 submissions.

Aly, Janna, and I are all from UPLINGO, and people often ask about this subject there. Sometimes, my classmates reach out directly to me with questions, and I simply share what I know. Being a student enrolled in this subject is part of a larger community, so why not help? We are all definitely stressed about everything that is happening right now. It is not a competition -  we are all just facing these challenges, which are meant to be surpassed.

Well, being a jack-of-all-trades doesn't mean I'm skilled at everything. Audio is still a form of media, and I am just glad to have experienced it somehow. It was tiring, yes, but also memorable. This challenge was a rollercoaster filled with ups and downs. I felt like people made this subject more bearable, and in multiple ways, they did. Yet, that doesn't mean it won't be hard someday. Things just happen as they are, and I just need to be strong enough to bear it all.

I wouldn't want to return to this subject, to be honest, and I'm glad that it will be behind me after I receive my grades. However, that doesn't mean it was a traumatic or "never again" moment. It was memorable but just went under misfortune because of the things that happened in my life this trimester. I am not allowed to disclose them, but I am just glad all of it will be over now that this academic year is ending.