HOW TO USE THIS LESSON: The webpage below is intended to be projected for students to follow along. It includes basic instructions, definitions, etc. to guide students. Depending on your technology, you can have a student in charge of scrolling through the site, on your cues. Just have them try not to scroll past the thin purple dividers or thick colored banners until you are ready to start that next section!
You will also need to download and/or print this facilitator's guide. This document contains extra instructions, facilitator's notes, and other behind-the-scenes content necessary for the lesson.
Objective: You will learn about how perfectionist thinking can contribute to stress and how self-compassion can help protect against self-criticism. You will also be reminded of resources for seeking help.
Listen to the following statement and reflect on it:
For each statement, show a "thumbs up" if you think the statement is true, and a "thumbs down" if you think the statement is false. As you go, your leader will share the correct answers with you. This isn't a competition - but it may be helpful to keep score, either individually or as a class!
Stress and Anxiety are the same thing.
The causes of stress are essentially the same for everyone.
Being easily annoyed and unusually irritable can be an emotional warning sign of too much stress.
Chronic stress can contribute to depression.
Rethinking your expectations may help you cope with stress.
Anxiety is always a negative, harmful emotion.
An anxiety disorder can look like fear of saying or doing something that would be embarrassing or humiliating around other people.
Losing weight can be a sign of too much stress.
Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S.
Men are more likely than women to have generalized anxiety disorder.
Treatment options for anxiety disorders include psychotherapy (counseling / therapy) and medication.
Spend just a minute or two as a class discussing your reactions to this activity:
How did you score? Have you been holding on to any incorrect assumptions about anxiety? Did any of these statements surprise you?
Stress:
A physical and emotional response to difficult or demanding circumstances
Stressor:
Something that causes an uncomfortable physical or emotional reaction, experienced as strain or tension
Positive:
Manageable, everyday stressors
These stressors are consistent, familiar, and help us grow
Tolerable:
Difficult or unpredictable stressors.
These are usually temporary, or get easier to manage over time
Toxic:
Stress that lasts a long time or doesn't go away
This is stress that piles up and can cause long-term harm
Many sources of stress are outside of our control. However, the way we respond to stressors can significantly impact how we are impacted by it - our response can help us feel better, or it can actually make us feel worse. Perfectionism is one common response.
Work together to brainstorm a definition for perfectionism, and examples of its "symptoms" or what it might look like.
Then, open up the drop-down tab below to learn more about perfectionism.
Overly high standards for self
Excessive self-criticism
Feeling that others have demands for you that you can't meet
Believing others are judging you harshly
Believing you must be perfect for others to like or approve of you
Holding black-and-white thinking about achievement and performance - if it's not perfect, it's awful
Behavior and performance is driven not by the desire to achieve at your personal best, but by a critical inner voice that can't accept mistakes or celebrate successes.
Research shows that perfectionism is on the rise, and young people today feel more pressure than young people in the late 1900s!
"Perfectionism isn't about high standards. It's about unrealistic standards."
Self-Compassion:
A cognitive and emotional tool (or way of thinking and feeling) that eases difficult feelings and protects against anxiety and depression.
An attitude of kindness and understanding towards yourself.
An alternate response to self-criticism when you make a mistake or feel inadequate.
Involves recognizing that all people make mistakes, no one can be perfect or even at their best 24/7, and everyone feels down and disappointed sometimes.
Watch this short video on the power of self-compassion.
Grab a piece of paper and a pencil for this section
*Your writing will not be collected!*
First, think about a mistake, failure, or area of your life where you feel "not good enough". What does the critical voice inside your head say? Where does that voice come from?
Then, write about what would you say to encourage a close friend if it was *them* going through this situation instead of yourself.
Next, turn that message inward, and try to mentally speak those words of encouragement to yourself.
Finally, write a few words or a few sentences about what it felt like to hear that encouraging message.
Reflect with one or two students near you:
Is there a particular speaker from the video you related to most? Or a statement shared that stands out to you?
Without needing to share the specifics of what you wrote about, what was it like to view your own hard situation through a different lens? How did it feel to see those words of encouragement for yourself?
How could self-compassion be helpful for you?
Read this BBC article discussing perfectionism and one author's views on why perfectionism has increased over time:
Explore the website of self-compassion researcher Dr. Kristin Neff, and pick one exercise to try out:
Read this article about perfectionist traits. Then, briefly write about the following:
How do I define perfectionism?
What traits or signs discussed in this article do I see in my own life?
Why does perfectionism make it harder to manage stress?