DIMMER

12/3/24 at 4:37pm

Sophomore in the College of Engineering

What excites you every day when you wake up?

Wow, that is a great question. To be honest, I’ve been in a pretty depressed place. What excites me every day, I think, would be hope. I have hope that the small things I do each day will continue to contribute toward making my life better. I think every day is another step closer to some amorphous future version of myself, who I am excited to meet.

Hope, I love that. Have you been able to develop an idea of what is important to you? Or is that something else you are still working on discovering?

So, there are a few things I’m working on, that’s for sure. But I can tell you that I love to become immersed in projects that are meaningful, or have an impact. When I sit down to work not out of necessity, but out of pure interest and passion, I see a life in which I am happy, surrounding myself with others, and putting good out into the world. I think, ultimately, the point of living is to love and be loved. And I love to watch humans do that everyday.

A lot of what is important to me is also wanting to be better at discovering who I am now. It takes a lot to acknowledge all the bad in the world and in myself, and all the things that are good at the same time. But, we exist in that intersection, and finding ourselves in it all can be such a challenge.

I hear you completely. What values do you hold that have helped you develop your views on society?

Honesty means a lot to me. Being honest with myself and with others is so important. From honesty, stems vulnerability, connection, and all the other things that we enjoy when we step into our full humanity. 

What do you wish there was more of in the world? 

I wish there was more space to break down. At U of M, I spend so much time around engineering students. I see people shutting off their humanity just to make it through. It’s saddening, it’s overwhelming. I wish more people had the room to break down, fall apart, and then build each other back up. That is not the culture here. 

I also wish there was more grace around what it does mean to be an adult. I think we somewhat reject all impulses that we consider elementary when we are in college, when I’m not sure that is the best move. I know some 30 year olds with stuffed animals, and I wonder if that is because they have come to terms with what exactly it means to be an adult. 

Great segue, wow. How would you describe your relationship with becoming an adult?

Due to external circumstances, I was forced to mature very quickly. It was a survival thing. But, when I got away from those experiences, I realized that I missed out on learning what being a human was. I missed out on what having joy feels like. It’s been a conscious effort of, how do I add more of this to my life? My life as an adult has been about finding and holding close whatever brings me joy. 

Have you had to change your expectations for yourself as you have made these realizations?

Definitely. This University is one that attracts people who have a very specific idea of what success looks like. There are some people who can do it no problem, but I am an example of someone who learned that this kind of learning is not for me. 

This University's system really works well for some people. Definitely not all. I'm curious, Dimmer, if there is a question you are still waiting on an answer to?

There are a lot, yes. The biggest would be, who am I? Which I recognize is monumental. But I have been sitting with that question for long enough that maybe what I’m more eager to ask is, when will I find out who I am? I don’t think I want to know right now, or that I can know right now. But, when will I finally feel like I have found myself?

Have some areas of your life helped you inch toward finding these answers?

The easy answer to that is therapy.

Amen to that!

Therapy looks so different for everyone. For me, I am working on learning not just how to I need to be kind to myself, but where I need to be kind to myself. I think of my inner child, the parts of me that have been left behind to survive to the point I’ve made it today. They are still with me, and I want to continue uncovering those.