September 2025: We Are All Social Detctives
September 2025: We Are All Social Detctives
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What is a social detective?
A social detective gathers clues using their eyes, ears, brain and heart to figure out what is expected in a situation. We are gathering clues everywhere we go. As we have more and more new experiences, we begin making smart guesses smart guesses about what is expected.
Most of the time we learn what is expected, by listening to the rules shared with us verbally, watching to see what most people are doing in a situation, and remembering past experiences and making smart guesses.
Why is being a social detective important?
Being a social detective is important because when we choose expected behaviors, the people around us have good thoughts and feelings about us. When we choose unexpected behaviors, the people around us could feel uncomfortable, or unsafe.
How do I encourage my child to be a social detective and choose expected behaviors?
Wherever you go, verbally consider the expected behaviors. "I wonder if we can make some smart guesses about what is expected in the movie theater?" "Are there any social detectives in this car that can guess what might be expected in the grocery store?" "Play a game when you're on the bus. Use your eyes, ears and brain to figure out what is expected behavior and report back to me tonight. I'll do the same at work today."
Be firm about what is expected. "When we're at the store, I expect you to use quiet inside voices, keep your hands in your pockets and stay close to me."
Make it a game. Sit around the dinner table and say "social detectives know what is expected at the dinner table." Now, go around the table until the first person can't think of an expected behavior, then it's the next person's turn to indicate a place (swimming pool, grandpa's house, the airplane, etc). Social detective says - played like Simon says (sometimes have players follow your words. Other times, have them follow only your actions.
But what if my child doesn't follow the expectations?
You respond without emotion (matter-of-fact). You do not negotiate. You do not bargain. Do not make it a conversation.
Imagaine. . .you're in the grocery store. Your child is running around. You simply walk out to your car abandoning your cart. Your child will follow with an aire of confusion. When you get in, simply say, "your behavior was unexpected. People were having uncomfortable, unsafe feelings. We can't be at the store today. We'll have to try again another time."
Yes. It's inconvenient. Your calm response to the issue sent a message that your child has a choice and that you have strong expectations.
It's not always that easy. . .
Sometimes you just calmly remind your child of the expectations or ask them to be a detective an look for clues about what is expected and push on through. Think of logical consequences that will stand later.
Again, this is not a conversation or a negotiation. This is all said without emotion. It is a flat statement followed by either silence or a totally different topic.
At all grade levels K-5, students are exploring what it means to be a social detective, using our eyes, ears, brains and hearts to understand what is expected in a situation, to consider the energy our bodies are experiencing in a given moment and to consider how others might be feeling in a situation.
We focus heavily on this concept in grades K-2.
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