August 2025: Your Children are Capable
August 2025: Your Children are Capable
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It's hard to see our children in distress. Big feelings arise when we make mistakes; embarrassment, frustration, anger, self-doubt, sadness.
As parents, these big emotions can make us feel blamed, guilty, responsible.
It's easy to rescue our children. What's the harm? You feel good as a parent that you were able to help and your child doesn't have to experience those hard feelings. But, what does that really teach our children?
Rescuing teaches our children that we, as the adults in their life, believe they are not capable of being responsible for their things or equipped to deal with big feelings. We send a message that uncomfortable feelings should be avoided and that when life gets tough, we should look for a way out rather than through.
Elementary school is a fantastic time to celebrate mistakes as a way to grow our brain and to learn. Students at this level are learning executive functioning skills like time management, organization, and regulation.
At Erie Elementary School, we teach students to be good citizens, have integrity, use empathy, be responsible and persevere through difficult situations. This isn't always easy and there are lots of bumps in the road.
School isn't only a place for academic learning, it is also where students have multiple opportunities to practice resiliency skills and staff are skilled in supporting students in overcoming big challenges and high emotion.
Caregivers, I give you permission to. . .
Caregivers, I give you permission to. . .
Let your child forget their iPad, their lunchbox, their water bottle, their backpack, their jacket.
The worst that will happen is that they will use a school Chromebook, have hot lunch, use a cup instead of a water bottle and they might be chilly at recess.
Your child may experience big emotions. Your child may be upset at you. What a great learning experience!
Instead of rescuing...teach.
Instead of rescuing...teach.
Encourage your child to come up with strategies for charging iPads in the evening, having their backpacks ready to go the night before, scheduling time for homework, etc. Create routines; put shoes, backpacks, materials in the same place every afternoon. Practice the strategies ahead of time, then let your children shine or fail.
When they forget something for school, simply say, "no big deal. You'll remember it tomorrow." Do this without emotion (even though inside you might be steaming). You might consider empathizing with their situation, "oh shoot, I know this feels upsetting. You'll remember tomorrow."
Let your children experience their success or failure for a week or two, then circle back. "How is the plan going? Do we need to change anything?"
Through this experiment, talk through your own failures or successes, "I didn't put my keys on the hook, now I can't find them. This is so frustrating. Tonight, I'm going to remember to put them on the hook."
When in doubt, just blame Mrs. Chute. "Mrs. Chute said you'll be fine. . ." "Mrs. Chute said that you'll be better off if I don't rescue you."
Resources
Resources
A parent must read!
Use these great read alouds to create personalized choose your own adventure stories for your child highlighting their responsibility plan and the positive or negative consequences associated with their choices.
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