Resolving Conflict Quickly - Seek First to Understand, Then Seek to be Understood
Resolving Conflict Quickly - Seek First to Understand, Then Seek to be Understood
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If you could choose happiness, would you?
4th grade students at Erie Elementary School know that they have the power to control their behavior, this extends to their perspectives. If one's perspective on a situation isn't helpful or perhaps is an imagined thought rather than a real thought, we can look at the situation from a different angle.
We can control our happiness in this way.
In every relationship there is conflict.
Perspective taking is important because it allows us to act with empathy. Without being able to take someone else's perspective, you may be acting in a self-centered or selfish way, which could hurt another person's feelings. Assuming that you're right and the other person is wrong could damage the relationship.
Seek first to understand, then seek to be understood.
Be curious!
4th grade students are exploring real world situations, considering at least three perspectives for each person involved and learning to quickly resolve conflict. We understand that conflict often arises because we all have different values, traditions and beliefs, and therefore different perspectives, or ways of looking at a situation. Knowing this, will help students stop and think before reacting. Students are learning to be curious.
Typically when we want to resolve conflict, our goal is to be understood. At Erie Elementary School, we are flipping the script. We are creating a plan for conflict resolution that starts with understanding the other person first.
When this becomes the norm, the other person won't feel so defensive when being asked to problem solve, they will know that they are being given an opportunity to be heard.
Person #1: Can we talk about__________________? Please help me understand your perspective?
Person #1: Can we talk about__________________? Please help me understand your perspective?
Person #2: I felt _____________________________ when ____________________. I thought ______________________.
Person #2: I felt _____________________________ when ____________________. I thought ______________________.
Person #1: (paraphrases what person #2 said)
Person #1: (paraphrases what person #2 said)
Person #2: Yes. What was your perspective?
Person #2: Yes. What was your perspective?
Person #1: I felt _______________________________ when __________________. I thought___________________.
Person #1: I felt _______________________________ when __________________. I thought___________________.
Person #2: (paraphrases what person #1 said)
Person #2: (paraphrases what person #1 said)
Both might apologize
Both might apologize
Consider making your own conflict resolution plan at home, that starts with seeking understanding.
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